09March2003

I felt a bit discouraged today. I didn't enjoy the bit of church I did attend very much. It kind of left a bad taste in my mouth today. I attended a priesthood lesson today. The subject was Chapter 4 of Teachings of Presidents of the church: John Taylor - Obedience a Sacred Duty. People were talking about how life is difficult and that we can't expect it to be easy.

One person commented that new members joining the church have to deal with so many new commandments. For the new member it may be overwhelming but that they will be blessed more for their willingness to obey commandments that are currently challenging to them. The person making this comment then went on to say that for those of us raised in the church some of the commandments new members struggle with are not as difficult. He put forth the opinion that we are blessed more for keeping commandments that are difficult for us. Whereas commandments we don't struggle with don't bring us as much joy. It all made sense at the time but afterword I resented the comments because it seemed to trivialize my faithfulness to the commandments. It felt like he was saying that I won't be blessed as much for keeping a commandment that is not difficult for me simply because I have been raised in the church. I felt like I was being put down again.

I didn't attend sacrament meeting or sunday school this week because I was home sleeping. I worked all night Saturday night so I could spend more day light hours with my children. I have a big project going on that I needed to get ready for this weekend but I didn't want to work all day Saturday and miss out on time with my kids. I suppose I felt guilty for not attending my meetings. At the same time it felt good to miss going to church. The only time I have to play outside with my kids is on Saturday because I have to keep the Sabbath day holy on Sunday.