22Feb2004

Two Sunday's ago a letter from the First Presidency was read in sacrament meeting. It read as follows:

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

Members of the Church continue to place telephone calls and write letters to Church headquarters about doctrinal issues and personal matters. With an ever-increasing membership, the ability of General Authorities to respond personally to thes inquiries presents an almost insurmountable task and makes it difficult for the Brethren to fulfill the duties for which they alone are responsible.

The Lord, in His wisdom, has so organized His Church that there is accessible to every member a bishop or branch president and a stake, district, or mission president, who serve as spiritual advisers and temporal counselors. We have the utmost confidence in the wisdom and judgment of these priesthood leaders. By reason of their callings, local leaders are entitled to the spirit of discernment and inspiration to enable them to counsel members within their jurisdiction. Accordingly, in most cases, correspondence from members will be referred back to their local leaders for handling. Priesthood leaders who have need for further clarification about doctrinal issues may write in behalf of their members to the First Presidency.

It is our desire that all members feel they have the support and guidance they need; however, all things should be done in wisdom and order. We believe that both members and local leaders will be blessed as they pray and counsel together in an effort to resolve matters of concern to them.

Sincerely your brethren, Gordon B. Hinckley, Thomas S. Monson, James E. Faust.

If you read my prior entry, you may have a guess about how this letter left me feeling. It is nice to know that the general authorities sometimes feel as overwhelmed as I do. However, I do not feel like I have their support. Today, was our ward conference and I had a hard time with our Priesthood lesson that was delivered by our High councilman.

He introduced a scripture that I have mentioned in some of my entries on this web page, namely, Alma 36:18 . He introduced the scripture as a prayer offered to Heavenly Father by Alma. He read the scripture and still referred to it as a prayer multiple times.

I couldn't keep still on this and I was choked with emotion when I asked for help in understanding this scripture. I told him I have really struggled to understand this scripture. I asked "Under what situations may I pray to Christ? I have been commanded to pray to God in Christ's name. The atonement seems so indirect".

The first councilor in our Stake Presidency was there and said (paraphrasing): that Alma probably prayed over the course of the three days multiple times to God and he thought Alma 36:18 should be interpretted as a prayer to Heavenly Father too. The High Counsilor came back to it and said it was his view that it was a prayer to Heavenly Father. Then he changed the subject and moved on with his lesson.

I am floored by this. I don't agree that Alma was praying to Heavenly Father in that verse. If you go on and read Alma 38:8 Alma talks to Shiblon about this experience by saying, ". . . and never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a remission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul. At least I now know how some people in the church interpret this scripture. I find it very interesting that the high councilman considered Alma's cry to Jesus to be a prayer.

Another high councilman comment that really upset me today was when he said Bishops can't visit with every individual in the ward. I think he said that Bishops just do not have time to do so. (He was discussing all of this in the context of why prayer is so important in our lives).

This is so discouraging I feel numb. 1. I am not allowed to send questions to the General authorities (but please keep the tithing and offerings coming); 2. I am suppose to be less dependent upon my bishop (See President Hinckley's talk in October 2003's general conference where he says about Bishops: "Tremendous are the burdens which they carry, and I invite every member of the Church to do all that he or she can to lift the burden under which our bishops and branch presidents labor. We must pray for them. They need help as they carry their heavy loads. We can be more supportive and less dependent upon them. 3. As my high councilman has told me today - Bishops can't visit with every individual in the ward.

I am left on my own to find answers to my questions. All I can get at the local level is speculation. This is why the General authorities get so much mail dealing with doctrinal issues. Our local leaders are lay persons and do not have the knowledge to answer all the doctrinal questions thrown at them. Secondly, Bishops do not have the time!!!!!!!

Should I now start lobbying my bishop to write the First Presidency about questions I have that he can't answer or can only speculate about? I think Bishops will be very reluctant to do so. I have so many questions I don't know what to do. I have actually felt guilty for taking the bishops time to discuss my problems. I know my Bishop can't take so much time with me. I feel the Bishop will never write the church for me. I feel I will be left alone.

Does the church care for me? Yes, I suppose it does in a general way. But it doesn't have the time to meet with me even at the local level. I have tried for over three weeks to get an appointment to see my Bishop through our ward secretary without success.

There must be situations where I am allowed to "pray, call, or cry out to" to Christ. See Alma 36:18; 38:8; DC 93:1 My wife says if I want to pray to Christ I should just do it. Another, brother that I home teach told me this afternoon that he thought my question got side stepped. He thought it was OK to talk to Christ anytime we want. I am inclined to agree. I will keep trying to find a general authority quote that confirms this.

My son is getting baptized in a couple weeks. I feel horrible about it. I want to do it right but how can I when I am struggling with the church so much in my life at the moment. How am I suppose to lay my hands on his head and give him the gift of the Holy Ghost when I feel my faith is so weak. D&C 68:25 says the sin be upon the heads of the parents if they don't teach their children to understand things such as faith in Christ the Son of the living God. I don't feel confident I can teach such faith unless I lie through my teeth.