30April2003

Looking at 2 Nephi 4:17-19 I wonder how often Nephi felt these feelings. He calls himself a wretched man and talks about his heart groaning because of his sins. He mentions that there are temptations that easily beset him. Was Nephi depressed? Could he feel these feelings and joy at the same time? I wonder about how this scripture applies to my own life and the guilt and despondency I feel sometimes with regard to my progress in dealing with my own weaknesses. Later in the chapter Nephi gives himself a pep talk to break out of the cage of despondency he feels with regard to sins and temptation. It is a curious chapter. If someone we regard as so righteous had such intense moments of guilt how is a normal member of the church going to fare? It makes me wonder how “happy” Nephi was. What is happiness? Is life always going to be weighed down by periods where feelings of inadequacy, such as Nephi felt, try to overwhelm us? Do joyful episodes outweigh the ones that bog us down? I feel such despondency sometimes I don’t think I can answer yes to that last question. My happiest moments come when I see my kids or wife laughing and having a good time.