| Always remember: We are eternal; all this pain is an illusion |
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| These are songs/lyrics/poems I wrote at work while sitting in a game and staring at the ceiling. They only took about 10 minutes to write each, and I don't know if I will play music to them. Let me know what you think. Why You can find me underwater Swallowing my own insides Fazed but not confused You can hear the world pass by The ticking has stopped but time hasn’t Why can’t life be something more Something more than lies and deceit You only live once but you die a thousand times Every time the needle is thrust The fabric is so delicate Reinforced by nothing save oneself Why must we covet intangible lusts Why can’t we be something more Why can’t life be something more Cuz I’m losing grip And the fabric is tearing Everything My heart and soul lie naked before you Everything I’m capable of Everything I need and desire Everything that fuels the mind And feeds the hunger Everything satiates me Everything confuses you Everything is cryptic to the one Who shows nothing, but yields everything I can taste the desire To connect with everything The liaison with the ever glow Changes nothing Everything remains a blur A time frame of one’s life And a Pandora’s box If there truly is a God Then why have we forsaken everything? Leave Nowhere to go and nothing to breathe You’ve drained what’s left of me Quarantine my heart And usurp my prayers Take what’s left of this decayed Piece of shit You’re so sanctimonious, arrogant, Self-righteous, and holier-than-thou Find peace in him Fuck him more than you did my life Implore your god to forgive your one sin Vanity means nothing when nobody’s there Hope for a better existence But don’t whine when all you find is love. What I'd Give There’s nothing I wouldn’t give To spend tonight with you To touch your skin To feel the porcelain I’d give up forever If you’ll say you’ll be mine today I’ve lost my love and misplaced my soul I thought I would find them But you’ve captured them all You can have my tears Share all the emotions I’ll be there for you when you need me most When you’re feeling down I’ll be your drug I’ll shake the pains of life And we’ll lose ourselves to now Money can’t buy the feelings I have for you And nothing can compare to the things I’d do What I’d give to live my life with you Anymore I’ve been looking in the mirror Trying to find you But nobody’s there An empty soul, a shattered heart You took them both and ripped them apart You disturb me, I believed you You broke me, I used you too Now all I have is your memories Times when fireworks burst inside me And times when you had my trust You said you needed more than lust Fuck your God, fuck your Heaven Leave and take what’s ever been Cuz I don’t need your shit anymore I’ve got much more to live for Death Twisting around the endless void Not quite on the edge Not exactly thrust at the center Permeating energies draw you in But dissipating feelings leave you here Don’t tell me to join you I’m already twirling By and by I come to realize That this black hole is an illusion Like a pendulum set in motion By the hands of a deity Nothing can stop the ride But strength can slow the catalyst Because the road to Hell Is paved with Heaven’s bones. Shadow French confetti pouring down my face Such a sacred grove Nobody can take what we have here Nobody can fathom the power that radiates From the deepest recesses of the soul Dwelling on the past Kills the future presently Wandering the valley alone Abandoned by nobody but still rejected How can we hope to overcome the shadow The one thing that never reveals itself But is always there No way to get rid of it No way to calm it No way to feed it No way to overcome that paranoia The hypnotic colors tempt me And I give in to the darkness Spirits Physically straining against The thread of life Invisible to an infinite galaxy But vital to pagans and heathens The metaphysical strand bends to existence And I grab on to ascend I can feel the light leaving My body is transcending All the pangs cling and stick To the magnetic impulse of the blood Why am I shaking and trembling? I can’t metaphysically survive Help me Save me from the endless sheen And the brick wall behind it The tantra is astounding Memories of times when nobody cared And eons when we were forsaken Led to believe and pray to the cosmos The unseen bringers of humanity But the circumstances have changed And the spirits are revolving Paradox Too far from comfort and too close to pain Your nebula is draining me The pressure is overwhelming and These festering entrails can’t mediate The feelings I impart My heart is succinctly vulnerable Like a vandal who rapes truth I’ve tried consoling my emotions Surveyed the implications that Have resulted in my instigations This rotten cadaver of a demon Has usurped the knowledge required To contain its vampirism There’s nothing left to fear And nothing to love And nothing left to hold close And nothing left to hate My body tells me to go on To continue down this wretched path Paved by countless others who have Suffered and withered and decayed For sins that could not be repelled Your narcissism has taught me that Nothing can be taken for granted Flawless beauty surrounds me But I have no will to indulge To partake in this last offered cup How did I lose myself and Reinvent the standard on this existence Brawn encourages me and Valor beckons me and Wonder seduces me and Anger rages within me Yet Filth is all that remains Glory was lost in the Genesis to the present Why can’t we just be sober? Why have I forsaken the Toils of experience and rather Lusted towards the inconceivable My time has not yet come Yet I’ve passed the world by My intuition tells me a secret A Confidant And Hell followed with Him Before I pined away. Stupid Leech Parasitic germs trying to devour me The filth is crawling over me And this carpet of nebulae is strangling What I thought you left me The only thing more gullible that A jingoist on weed is you I fed you truth and you spit it out Lies you sucked up never ceasing Is this what you wanted? Is this what you had in mind? Cause this is what you’re getting Just like a tick you leeched My blood and my strength My defenses are down and I have nothing to hope for My head starts twirling as the poisonous gas seeps my soul It rapes my prayers and dreams Then leaves Just like you Fool There’s no reason to feel this way Everything that matters has yet to pass Nothing important has already been So why do I feel so hopeless Surely there must be a reason For the constant agony and suffering That comes from inside There has to be an answer out there Buried underneath the vices I created The mind can never expand But shrinks in a flash One setback One difficulty One roadblock on the path of sanity And everything is lost Just when the overwhelming shadow Rears its façade of truth I realize you’re mine Indeed a fool am I Nature Magenta rays streaming off the mountain tops Like a rainbow crossing the bright blue sky Lying here; relaxing The grass shoots up into a million shards And pierces the deepest fabric of my heart The morning mist gently floats over Caressing soft skin Changing the meaning of love Leaving nothing unfiltered But everything in a beautiful trance It’s so perfect here Cascading waterfalls fill my soul and Carry my spirit towards the heavens Like the cosmic ever-glow That is nature’s background The hillside is populated By thousands of rose buds Waiting to graduate to blossoming flowers Full of energy and life A soothing aroma passes my nose The shuffling of hummingbirds Breaks my concentration and Forces me to survey the rest So quiet and peaceful here How I remember the days when I came here Dressed in white like the hues Of lilies and dandelions Blue jays circle overhead Almost as if they’re taking in the scenery Acting like an ecstatic child Gazing up towards the stars The sun is setting in the west But I know it’s coming back Lush gardens need it’s rays And autumn leaves blush at it’s beauty Snow descends from above and The quiet words fade into the night’s chill Burning in listener’s minds With all the power of a hundred stars Angel’s wings imbue strength And sorrow rains down from the ruins of waste It is far better to live with animals Innocent of hidden ambitions Because although hatred outlives the hateful Nature’s spirit outlives the strong From here, let the world be reborn Thoughts This cloud of despair Hovers above my soul Descending like a spell Ancient and full of death Placating the desires That reside deep beneath the surface Indulge in the wrath This Knight's Templar is long forgotten The crusade is over Left behind by countless egos Fearful of what might become When lifted up against the sun Light pierces through Radiates around and illuminates As if burning the skin of The shedding of Eve Before we gave in to vanity Before we learned the meaning Of what it is to live We were perfect The embodiment of seraphim on earth Now just avatars of that mighty archetype Regardless of external mishaps It cannot be the legacy of man To fall off the zenith And follow the circle That is nature's path To stand disunited Forsaking roots for the winding of the path Forsaking voices for the silence of the mind Forsaking all else for the poverty of isolation Winter's grasp has rotted This place of sorrow This is what we chose This is ambition's cost Staring out into the glimmervoid Phantoms become tangible Questions lend themselves to the mind Then vanish into the mist Sparks Everything is vanishing These sacred rites fall into the chasm Hellfire echoes ruin towards the sky Flares break away from the pit Seeking out the substance Then fade away Resisting the temptation To leave these spectres alone Like a sinner to the abattoire Light diminishes the senses And leaves a fissure Splitting apart the foundation Dismantling the tissue Flames break through the veil Stabbing away this poison These toxins I thought were pure These lies I believe as true Glancing towards the moonlit wake Illusions toy with my mind Grappling with my intentions To cleanse the greed away To remove the veneer of invulnerability To expose the innermost junctions Of subconscience and reality Then it comes to me In the commencement of the departure My shadow replaced me |
| The site obviously isn't done yet, so check back in a little |
| February 2, 2004 Hmmmm I finally updated the site again with 'Sparks".' I didn't feel like doing some triple integrals in math so I decided I would write something about what we've become. Enjoy. |
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