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| I put up with a lot of crap |
| and I don't need more people adding to it by calling me stupid names. I don't like being targeted for mindless abuse. I don't like being abused in the street because of who I am. What I am. Where I come from. How I dress. The way I walk. How I talk. I don't like it and yet I can't do anything about it. The police are useless and parents are pathetic and useless. |
| Don't cry |
| is the most stupid thing to say to someone who is crying. Believe me. Don't do it. I cry a lot when things happen to me (and when I just feel like shit) and a lot of people tell me not to cry. Because its unexpected. Because I "look stupid". Do you think I give a shit? I only cry when I am very badly hurt, physically or emotionally. I don't care if you think I look stupid. I'm hurt and I'm going to let it out. Do you think I want my face to turn red and blotchy? Do you think I want my nose red? Well I don't. I'm not crying because I want to. I'm crying because I need to. Thanks to God (if there is one) I have one friend who understands how I feel and just lets me cry in front of them. They understand. They help me. They look after me. God almighty, they even make me drinks, offer to go out and get stuff for me - that involves walking. Thats how much they care. Sounds stupid, but trust me, if you knew how damned lazy they are, anything that involves walking anywhere (yes, even from the living room to the kitchen) is a strain on their legs. The fact that they can be bothered to do that for me is amazing. But, again, thanks to God, they will soon be out of my life. Thanks, God. |
| Grow up |
| has been a favourite phrase for my parents to use on me lately. Granted, I've been behaving like a right royal prat lately, but I have lost a best friend. They know this (although I don't know how. I certainly didn't tell them. Maybe, for once, they noticed that I was depressed and, shock horror, got concerned and phoned a friend). Its been about 6 months since that happened, but this was a very close friend, someone I trusted so much and really cared about. My parents seemed to think that sufficient recovery time would be one week. So they gave me a week of "are you ok?" and "you don't have to if you don't want to" crap, and the next week, everything was supposed to be alright. I miss my friend. I miss our chats, laughs and I miss their company. It's not easy to get along in life without knowing that someone is there for you all the time. I miss them a lot. I miss being able to talk to them. I just miss them. Completely. I don't understand why they feel a week is long enough. I've had ages, maybe I should have gotten over it by now, I don't know. The point is, I haven't. |