He drove up to the house and saw that her car wasn’t there. That’s probably better anyway. He walked in and looked through the mail on the table near the door, she had obviously gone through all of it and there was only his letters and bills in the stack. He walked upstairs and went into the closet to get some more clothes. Standing there he knew it would be strange to see half of this closet empty. He went through the task of looking through his drawers for the things he specifically wanted. Damn, he shook his head, this was one of those times he wished he had listened to her when she told him he should organize his clothes. He looked over at her side; all her sweaters folded in one section, all her office clothes were hung separately from her casual clothes. He rolled his eyes and kept digging through clothes until he found what he was looking for.
He heard the door close downstairs and looked towards the bedroom door. This was a moment he wasn’t looking forward to; he didn’t know what kind of mood she was in; if she would yell and scream or throw things at him. He felt bad; he had sex with her, left her crying in bed with no clothes on and just walked out and never called. As he thought about it, it sounded terrible; but it wasn’t that bad was it? Yes, it was, he thought, there’s no getting around it he acted like a real asshole. He slowly walked downstairs and looked around. He looked towards the kitchen when he heard cabinets closing. She hadn’t noticed him, as he stood and stared at her. He watched how her leg pointed out like a dancer as she stretched up on one foot and put something away on the top shelf. The smallest amount of skin appeared as her shirt rose up and he reflexively licked his lips. He wanted to go over and put his hands on her hips and kiss on her neck. He walked over and she jumped and placed her hand on chest,
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She shook her head and took a deep breath,
“Its ok. I saw your truck I knew you were here I don’t know why I jumped.” She continued to put away the food, not knowing what to do. He walked into the room and the island in the middle of the kitchen was the only thing that separated them,
“So, uh, everything ok?” He instantly regretted asking when her hands dropped to the counter with a loud smack and she stopped what she was doing to look at him. She shook her head as if she decided better of saying anything and went back to putting the food away. He didn’t know what to say,
“Any more bags out in the car?” She continued what she was doing,
“No.” and never even looked up at him. He sighed and began to play with his hands, this was not going to be good. What did he expect? For her to just accept it? For her to act as if everything was ok for his conscience? He leaned down on the counter and placed his weight on his elbows,
“Shay-“ she interrupted,
“I paid this month’s cable and phone bill.” He nodded,
“Ok.” She didn’t want to live for free and he didn’t want her to pay for anything. It was his house and he had the same bills he would have had even if she didn’t live there. She insisted on at least paying for the phone because it was added after she moved in for her. He was hardly home so he used his cell phone and she picked up the cable bill as well. She always paid or the groceries too, he thought, as he watched her put a small container of ice cream in the freezer.
“I went looking for an apartment today.” He shook his head, not knowing what to say. He knew she was moving out, he was the one that brought it up when they broke up but it was still strange that she would no longer be there when he came off tour. No hot meals waiting, no one to do his laundry. It would feel empty again; lonely. Maybe he had made a mistake. Change was something he was not good at. The group was changing; Brian and Kevin were married. They no longer lived in the same cities; they didn’t even share the same tour bus. Now, she was out of his life, it was all too much change all at once.
“I’ve narrowed it down to four and hopefully I’ll be able to move in within the next week or two.” She definitely wasn’t sitting around he thought,
“You didn’t waste any time.” His voice definitely had more of an edge than he intended. She looked over at him wide-eyed,
“I sat around here for a week and did nothing but cry over you. You expected me to just sit around forever hoping you would come back to me; thinking I was going to beg for you to take me back? Sorry, I ruined your plans; you probably wanted to kick me out of the house huh?” She picked up her keys off the counter and walked out. He walked over to the stairs and picked up his bags and walked out the house. He marched out just in time to see her car driving down the street.
Home
Full Circle
Chapter 5