By: Jon The Peasant

Tal once again my friends,

To continue my chronicle of "life since the light came on," I add the next part of what hopefully will be many more reflections on my life since I made the concious choice to live this lifestyle. So lets get to it.

Where I last left off was with what led me to make the leap of faith from role play to real time. Now I will go into the meat of things - what my life has been like since that time.

During the first few months I spent time really focusing on myself. Working at tearing down what I was, and rebuilding with what I had found within me. Starting this was not an easy process at all, and is not something that takes any small amount of time to work through. You almost have to take everything you have known and toss it aside, replacing it with the new. Attitudes towards the status quo. Attitudes towards telling the truth, being honorable, living true to ones nature. Attitudes towards women and their roles in my life. Attitudes towards myself and the life I was leading. Looking at these things that I was taught and comparing them to what I felt. None of it was an easy thing but nonetheless it was a vital part of changing my life, and is really the only way one can start. Hell that was the easy part compared to actually making those changes stick.

The time during these changes were quite eye opening. The dynamics of interactions between people and day to day life. How things that used to seem so normal became so wrong. How much our world has in some ways changed for the worst, and in my eyes how important people who do share many of our values are if there is perhaps to be a chance for salvation. Quite an eye opener to say the least, eh?

So now the foundation was set and they were taking a firm hold. Their toll was quickly realized in my day to day life. I could no longer deal with people the same. I was different and somehow they could tell. When I spoke it was with strength and conviction. I could look a man in the eyes and know that he would only hear what I truly thought without doubting it's truth. You can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. Their body language. The tones in the voices. I was not truly aware of such nuances before. I had basically blinded myself to such things. Blinded to the truth. Blinded to what life could really be like. Amazing how much truth really matters. How is it that so many do not really notice how much it is shunned by society these days. Truth. The blessing or the curse? A double edged sword.

I do not want people to think this happened over night. This has been a very long process that is still going on. I do not think you ever really get rid of all the former ways you were taught growing up. They still are there and surface at the most inopportune times. You just have to realize that they will come out sometimes and that you are only human. Only human, just like those Goreans said to live on Gor when you come right down to the bottom of it. You make mistakes and have to accept that. No one is perfect. Nor will there ever be a perfect person or a perfect lifestyle. No one will ever know it all. There are no quick tricks. No cliff notes. You have to crawl, walk, run, jump and do what ever you have to do to find your way through things the best you can. That's not just following a philosophy, that's living life in general. If you are as lucky as I am you have people to help you to understand or just be there to offer opinions and an open ear. I have those of Sardaria. Those sworn with me, to our living Home Stone.

This leads me to the next step in this path. One of the biggest challenges of an interpersonal nature. Going from the taught way that women are equal to having a kajira or slave in a collar you put on her neck. Owning a woman. Being a Master of not only myself but of a living breathing person. That will come along in my next bit of reflection along with what ever else comes to mind. For now.

- Jon the Peasant
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