by Adia
Grace knew that he was here, she could feel him, she knew how it felt when he was close, within reach. He was one she didn't have cause or even want, to deny. For him the answer would always be yes and it still hadn't changed. She just worried that his answer would be no and she knew she didn't handle no well with August. All his no's before had been under-toned with yes. What caused her concern now was the thought that no would no longer be a yes in disguise.
She tried to convince herself that she was merely there to attend a book signing of an old friend. She didn't want to set herself up for disappointment in hoping to reconnect with August especially when she didn't even know what his life was like now. She had managed to keep herself from sleep for several hours last night imagining all the changes he might have gone through over the years. She could still freshly remember the cutting feeling of rejection that over took her that afternoon in their classroom after he had been interrogated. She could hardly live with herself that afternoon when he had told her to stay away, that alone was the worst punishment she could ever imagine, and she still could not bear the thought of him saying that to her again. For all the words of his novel that reflected her like a mirror she knew she should feel far more confident, but her doubts nagged, following her everywhere.
In a rush of courage she pushed aside her reservations. Taking a deep breath she reached for the door handle, her hand hovered over it but she hesitated. One thought took her over and crumbled her courage, what if putting all of his residual emotions onto paper had simply absorbed them and they were no more? She glanced at the clock on her radio then to the building and thought better of going inside. Pulling her hesitant hand away from the door handle she deciding to give herself a bit more time. Maybe then she would be more courageous, maybe more comfortable. It would be like stepping into a pool of cool water, one foot at a time, in stages, warming up as she went, adjusting to the newness.
Often Grace found this careful way of approaching a situation to be the best for her. She was reminded of a time with August when she had been nervous like this only more excited, anticipating what the evening held. After her last conversation with him in the car when his eyes had betrayed his words and she was left with a floating feeling of promise. She had held onto that feeling and it was what had gotten her through all the hectic planning of the Gay/Straight Alliance Dance. She could still feel the Spring-like weather as it fluttered around her the late afternoon that she met August and several other members of the GSA dance committee to decorate for the evening. She remembered meeting August at the door of the gym as he unlocked it, they exchanged smiles as greeting. Often times when others were around, such as it was then, Grace preferred a look from him rather than words, it always seemed to say so much more. Seeing him like this with others around always made her self-conscious but somehow he could always ease her and she would nearly forget that there was anyone else around. Perhaps that was all she needed now.
Leaning her head back against the head rest she closed her eyes. Under her eyelids danced the memory of that night and of August offering to help her unload the heavy refreshment boxes from her car as the rest of the committee took to hanging up streamers and a lighted disco ball. He had reached the exit door to the parking lot first and held it three-quarters of the way open for her by standing against it at the jam. She slipped through, leisurely aware of how close their bodies were, and casually brushed against him on her way out. Both pretended not to notice but a feeling of calm reassurance fell over Grace as she walked beside him to her car feeling her secret safe with him, acknowledged and returned in subtle hidden ways as such.
Once they reached the car Grace pulled out two large boxes full of refreshments. August offered to carry the one in her arms and as she handed it over to him his fingers trailed along her hand and for a moment he left his hands to settle on hers. Grace could feel butterflies fluttering through her knowing that his gesture was no accident, she smiled, "Thanks." He met her eyes and waited a moment before whispering, "You're welcome." She could read the expression on his face that seemed to reflect two separate things; their intense attraction to one another and the agonizing knowledge that they shouldn't be doing this. The former being far too difficult to ignore any longer. As another car pulled into the lot a quick glimpse of slight frustration at the interruption flashed across his face as he smoothly claimed the box from her arms. It was as though their glass-bubble-world had just been fractured by the stranger in the blue Jetta.
Inside the gym Grace busied herself with mixing the punch. She brought out a large glass punch bowl and August followed closely behind her with a jug of thick red syrup in one hand and a bottle of 7up in the other. Pouring in the punch August stirred the mixture as she added in the 7up. When she finished August ladled a sample of the carbonated fruit concoction into a clear plastic cup and handing it to her, "Here, how's that?"
Stepping toward him Grace took the cup and put it to her lips. As she began to drink she could feel August's free hand brush past her waist as he reached out to catch the handle of the metal ladle before it fell into the punch bowl. The surprise of it caused her to hastily tilt the cup and she could feel some of the punch roll onto her upper lip. As she pulled the cup away from her mouth she smiled nervously and before having a chance to wipe her lips she blurted out, "It's perfect!"
August raised his free hand and moved in toward her whispering, "Oops, you've got a little on your lip."