Chapter 5 - Ghosting
by Shiloh
Worlds Apart 4b 5b
Chapter summary: Grace and her teacher are trying to find their way in the new dynamics that have evolved around them.
The teacher moved slowly through the house and slapped his leather case onto the dining room table. A long exhaustive sigh escaped him. The day was over. He could exhale now. He went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine.
Grace entered her house and quickly walked through the kitchen, head down, clutching the strap of her book bag in a death grip. The day was over. Still, she felt as if she couldn’t breath. Heading to her room, focused on a single destination, she didn’t notice her mom at the table peeling potatoes.
Absently Lily asked, “How was school?” glancing up. Then with more concern, “ Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
Grace never looked her way, never broke stride. “Mom...please, just don’t talk to me right now.” And she was gone.
Lily donned the perplexed look she wore these days when dealing with her oldest daughter.
Grace displayed some life by the mere relocation of her eyes. Instead of suffocating face down in her pillow, she now stared to the ceiling as if it were some magical eight ball that would meter out answers to life’s mysteries, if only she could phrase the questions correctly. But her mind numbed, the questions wouldn’t form and the answers couldn’t come and the ceiling wasn’t talking anyhow. Events swirled in her mind. The touch of a hand, the touch of his eyes, the plumulaceous kiss. Counterpointed with worried hands through red hair, locked stares, hateful words. She was Dorothy and the twister had her now. Her hands clenched the blankets. ‘Oh, God.’ She thought. ‘I can’t take this feeling.’
Hours passed before she became aware of things around her. There was a need to inflict pain, even to inanimate objects. She pushed her book bag off the bed just to listen to the crash. She eyed the pile of folded clothes her mother had deposited on her desk. Her mind’s eye saw her arm roundhouse to clear the tabletop, like they did in the movies. Films always had fragile things on the table though. She doubted that the sound of breaking laundry would be as satisfying as that of shattering glass. Besides, she didn’t have the energy anyway. Grace was still lying comatose when her mother called up.
“ Dinner...Grace, Jesse, Zoë.”
The others had already begun to dig in when Lily called upstairs once more. “Grace. Dinner’s ready.”
“I’m not hungry.” Muffled down through the ceiling.
Lily glanced to Jesse for any available information. Jesse caught the look, but having nothing to impart, merely shrugged apologetically. Tired of shouting, Lily ascended to the second floor and knocked. “Grace? Open the door Sweetie.”
No response.
“Can I come in?”
Again, no response.
Lily inhaled, and slowly opened the door, worriedly asking “Grace, what’s wrong? Are you sick?” She crossed over and sat on the bed palming her daughter’s forehead. “You feel okay.”
“Nothing’s wrong mom, I’m fine. I’m just not hungry, that’s all.” She rolled to face away.
“You have to eat something Gracie.”
Silence.
Lily attempted to draw her daughter out, “How are things going at school? And the Gay-Straight Alliance? You’re on the dance committee. You got the funding right? Have they set a date? ”
Knowing her mother could be like a puppy with a slipper sometimes, she realized Lily wasn’t going to let it go easily. Making eye contact for the first time, “What is for supper?”
Lily smiled and listed everything she had prepared.
With a dull ache, Grace sat up. “Well, I am kinda hungry,” she lied. The mother’s smile broadened and the daughter leadenly followed her to the kitchen to choke down a few bites.
“I just don’t know how to handle this.” Lily flopped on the bed and stretched herself alongside her husband. Rick folded her up in his arms and let the ramblings flow. He knew if she talked long enough, she’d reach her own conclusion with little prodding from him.
“You know, I mean,” uncharacteristically at a loss for words, “I always envisioned this talk I’d have with Grace. You know, passing on my wisdom, my experience as a woman, to my daughter.”
She paused, reminiscing “ My mother, well, we never did connect. And I promised myself that I would do a better job with Grace. And here it is now, and I can’t think. of one thing to say to her.” She gave a small snort. “All my experiences growing up, what would they mean to her?”
“Well, maybe if you just talked to her, she’d...” Rick interjected.
Lily sighed. “She’d just clam up as usual. And I can’t say I’d blame her. I tell her that I love her no matter what, but part of me is still upset that she’s a lesbian. And she can sense this, I know. It just feels like...she won’t talk to me anymore and when she does she censors everything.” There was a long silence. “I’m a hypocrite...”
“No, Lil. You’re not. You’re just concerned...”