~poems~

Missing You

No words I write can ever say,
How much I miss you everyday.
As time goes by the loneliness grows,
How I miss you... nobody knows.

I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name.
But all I have are memories,
And a photo in a frame.

No one knows my sorrow,
No one sees me weep.
But the love I have for you,
Is in my heart and mine to keep.

I never stopped loving you,
I don't think I ever will.
Deep inside my heart,
You are with me still.

Heartaches in this world are many,
But mine is worse than any.
My heart still aches as I whisper low,
"I need you... and miss you so."

The things we feel so deeply,
Are often the hardest things to say.
But I just can't keep quite anymore,
So I'll tell you anyway.

There is a place in my heart,
That no one can fill.
I love you... and I always will.

Mama's Crying

Mama's Crying
And I can't stop the pain
Can't whisper softly
Everything's gonna be ok
Words of wisdom and my kisses
Won't take these tears away
Mama's crying...Mama's crying
And I can't stop the pain

They say time heals the broken heart
A little more each day
And seasons hold the memories
We'll smile upon someday
But her pain right now is deeper
Than her faith in God and Church
And as I hold my baby in my arms
We both grieve for hers

Summers ending
Autumn stumbles into place
Anger and frustration
Toss and turn our every day
Mama's crying...Mama's crying
And I can't stop the pain
It's gonna be a long cold winter
Spring's a long, long, ways away

They say time heals the broken heart
A little more each day
And with every new tomorrow
Sorrow slowly fades
The heartache that she's feeling
No one else can take away
But I'll be right beside her
Each baby step she takes
Mama's crying
And I can't stop the pain
I can tell her that I love her
Help her through each grueling day
But I can't make it better
Like I could in younger days
Mama's crying...Mama's crying
Cause I can't stop the pain

Mama's crying...Mama's crying
But I can't stop the pain
For only time can dry her eyes
And help us smile again..
1997 Roslyn Ellis
for Grandson Aaron Lee Farrier

Fly Little Wings

Fly, fly little wing.
Fly beyond imagining.
The softest cloud, the whitest dove,
upon the wind of heaven's love.

Past the planets and the stars,
leave this lonely world of ours.
Escape the sorrow and the pain,
and fly again.

Fly, fly precious one,
your endless journey has begun.
Take your gentle happiness,
far too beautiful for this.

Cross over to the other shore,
there is peace forevermore.
But hold this memory bittersweet,
Until we meet.

Fly, fly do not fear,
don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear

Your heart is pure, your soul is free,
be on your way, don't wait for me.

Above the universe you'll climb,
on beyond the hands of time.

The moon will rise, the sun will set,
but I won't forget....

Fly, fly little wing,
fly where only angels sing.

Fly away, the time is right,
go now, find the light.

~Celine Dion~

SILENT TEARS

We think of her in silence
We often speak her name
All we have are memories
And a picture in a frame
We hold her close within our hearts
And there she will remain
To walk with us past tiny tombstones
Until we find her name
So many times we needed her
So many times we've cried
If love could have saved her
She never would have died

There will always be a heartache
And a silent tear
But always precious memories
Of days when she was here
If tears could build a stairway
And heartache make a lane
We would walk the path to Heaven
And bring her home again
Our family chain is broken
Nothing seems the same
But as God calls us one by one
The chain will link again

Author Unknown

SILENCE ECHO'S
Close your eyes,
Let the sorry drift away,
And feel yourself,
Drifting farther everyday.

Know the time,
That takes away the pain.
See tomorrow,
Getting closer everyday.

Can you remember,
The last night,
That I held you so close
Can you see that,
I will never let you go.

You touched my heart and this is true,
I will never stop loving you.
Words were lost that were said,
And silence captured my soul.

I feel so lost now,
And all alone.
One day the time will come,
When Daddy will bring you home.

And the silence echoed around me.

Author Unknown

SHE NEVER KNEW

A flicker of sunlight
One moment in time
From May to September
One blink of an eye
Lullabies silent
Questions of why
Searching for answers
I know I won't find

But I'll find some comfort
Knowing FAITH knew love
And I'm glad there are things
She never knew of.........
She never knew hunger
She never knew pain
She never knew violence
Some children face
She never knew bigotry
Color of skin
She never knew hatred or sin
And I find some comfort in this

She never knew anger
Never knew war
She never knew poverty
Outside her door
She never knew loneliness
Some must endure
She never knew these things exist
And I find some comfort in this

A flicker of sunlight
In a Grandmother's eyes
Tears are still falling
And will for some time
For there are some things
I wish that she knew
Taken for granted
By both you and me

But I'll find some comfort
In this heart that she touched..
For there's one thing I'm sure of
I know she knew LOVE.........

1997 by Roslyn Ellis

THE SITTING TIME

Don't listen the foolish unbelievers
who say forget.
Take up your armful of roses and
remember them
the flowers and the fragrance.
When you go home to do your sitting
in the corner by the clock
and sip your rosethorn tea
It will warm your face and fingers
and burn the bottom of your belly.
But as her gone-ness piles in white,
crystal drifts,
It will be the blossom of her moment
the warmth on your belly,
the tiny fingers unfolding,
the new face you've always known,
That has changed you.
Take her moment and hold it
As every mother does.
She will always be
your daughter
And when the sitting time is done you'll
find bitter grief could never poison
the sweetness of her time.

by Joseph Digman

LET'S TALK

"Come take a walk with me," she said;
as she held out her tiny hand.
"Let me show you where I've gone;
it's such a beautiful, peaceful land."
And as we walked, she smiled
and talked of happiness so true.
She said "If only you could see this place,
then you could never be down or blue."
"I know you miss me as I miss you
and I know the pain runs deep.
If only I could show you this wonderful place
where I sleep."
Tell everyone down there I love them
and my memory forever will live on,
and please tell them I'm up here waiting
for when the good Lord calls them Home.

by Elizabeth Watkins

FACES ARE FOREVER By Dee 1998

We wear two faces.
It doesn't matter how much time has past we wear two faces!
How do we know when to change our face?
We have no idea. It happens without our even thinking about it.
Who knows when we change our face? Three of us do!
God, my child and I know! What are these two faces?
The first face is the one, with our pretend smile and laugh.
It is the one that looks straight into the eyes of the stranger, friends or family and tells them, I am fine or I am doing great, "see how far I have come."
It is the one that asks the question, without speaking the words, do you have any idea of my pain? You know they will never understand, but you want them to so much. Do we frighten everyone away with our look of desperation and sadness? I am sure that we have.
When people see us, could it be that we feel even more separated from life when we notice them looking away? Do we scare them by our mere presence?
What is it that one can say to a bereaved parent?
The answer is NOTHING, absolutely nothing. Why do people always try to fix us?
All we need is someone to listen, without judging or trying to make us feel better. A smile would be nice. Nothing will change our hurt but time and then, just the intensity of it.
The second face we wear lies deep within us, in our heart and soul. It is the one that we won't allow anyone to be near. It is Holy and Sacred ground. It is the place that we go to in our darkest moments.
It is the one that no one really ever sees except God and our child. It is the face that appears in the middle of the night when we are alone. It is the face that expresses the unbelievable emptiness and gut wrenching pain of our loss.
It is the one that breaks us down and reduces us to tears, when we think we just saw a glimpse or heard the familiar voice of our child. It could be in the marketplace, or while shopping, or at a restaurant, anywhere. It is the one that brings us to our knee's and makes us ask over and over WHY GOD, WHY? Even Jesus asked His Father, "Why God" as He hung on the cross. We are in good company.
We must each walk this path in our own way and in our own time. No one has the right to tell us when to start or when to finish. Or to say to us, "get over it" My child was never an "IT." Only we will know when to begin and when we have completed our journey.
We can't ask someone to walk it for us, or we will never begin to heal from our deep painful wounds. I've been told that one day, beautiful and happy memories will replace the sad, ugly and lonely ones. Whether that is true, I don't know, but I am willing to find out. What I do know is, that I must walk the path to healing so my child will not see me die in the darkness and loneliness of my own despair.
God Bless You My Sweet Amanda
Always and Forever
Love Your Daddy

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