Aside from being a challenge response, this is heavily influenced by Muppet Treasure Island, sugar, and a saying I have that always makes people laugh at me.

This story takes place fairly early on in “The Ring Goes South”, when the Fellowship is traveling at night in the shadow of the Misty Mountains, and are still trying to decide if they can coexist with each other.

Disclaimer: I do not own one single character from LotR. Although after reading the Owner’s Guide and Manuals, I know how to take care of them.

Summary: One starry night, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, and one of the hobbits discover that they all have a different idea about what one of the constellations represents.

* * * * * *

~Finding North~

“Why do you keep doing that?” Since the question came tagged on to the end of a long narrative about the ins and outs of hobbit genealogical traditions, it was a few seconds before it registered with Boromir that he was expected to give an answer.

“What?” Boromir silently cursed himself. He’d been trying to be tactful and treat his new companions with the same respect he treated his compatriots in Minas Tirith. He was finding it quite difficult to take the hobbits seriously.

“Your shoulder. Why do you keep looking over it?”

“I am,” Boromir hesitated, and then decided that that Hobbit would not judge him. “I am looking for North in the stars.”

“You mean you don’t know where it is?” The Hobbit was incredulous. “But I thought you were a traveler and hunter. How can you not know?”

“In Gondor, there is no fixed point in the sky for North.” Boromir explained. “We have a fixed star close to South, and we use that to navigate.”

“Well that makes sense I suppose.” The Hobbit stopped walking and turned around. “You see that star there, the bluish one?”

“I do.”

“That is Gil-formen, and it’s almost due North. It isn’t exact, but it’s close enough for horse shoes, which is how hobbit children remember where it is.”

“Is that constellation meant to be a horse shoe?” Boromir asked, tilting his head and squinting.

“Oh no.” the Hobbit said, and pointed to the left. “The horse shoe is over there. That’s why it’s ‘close enough’. Have you never played horse shoes?”

Boromir realized that he was becoming accustomed to the hobbit manner of speaking. He was almost following this conversation.

“No, I have not.” He admitted. “Perhaps some day you might teach me.”

“Alright.” Said the Hobbit. “We should catch up.”

The two turned and found Legolas standing behind them. The Elven Prince regarded them curiously.

“Whatever are you doing?” Legolas asked.

Boromir began to answer, but the Hobbit cut him off.

“Boromir wanted to know where North was, because where he is from they only know where South is, so I told him, but then he’d never heard of horse shoes, the game, not the foot wear, so I had to explain that, and then I told him I would teach him to play if we ever got some horse shoes that aren’t attached to a horse, and then you came. How do Elves find North Legolas? Do you use the Horse Shoe?”

There was a pause, during which time the Hobbit blinked twice, Legolas looked at him blankly and Boromir diplomatically turned a laugh into a cough.

“Elves see the sky differently then the Second Born do. We are more concerned with the West.” Legolas said finally. “But when we do need to find North, we look for the individual star. Our eyes see farther than yours, so instead of a horse shoe, I see seven unrelated stars.”

“Bilbo explained that when he taught me to find North, but I did not fully understand what he meant.”

“Bilbo is very wise.” Legolas said. “North is not always the same direction. Over the years I have walked the woods, Gil-formen has moved to be where North is.”

“So it’s actually getting closer to the Horse shoe?” The Hobbit asked.

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

“Well how about that. His aim is getting better.” The Hobbit giggled.

“What is going on here?” came the gruff voice of Gimli the Dwarf.

Fortunately, the Hobbit was still laughing, so Boromir was able to answer quickly.

“A lesson in astronomy.”

“The Dwarves do not use the stars.” Gimli said. “It is hard to see them when one is underground, and that is where Dwarves prefer to be.”

“However do you find you way then?” asked the now recovered Hobbit.

“North feels a certain way.” Gimli said. “It is hard to explain, but it pulls us, and we can find it whether we are in out caves of on the surface.”

“You have no names for the constellations at all?” Boromir asked.

“The Elves have done it. Why should we, who do not trouble ourselves with the sky, worry about it?”

“That makes sense.” Said the Hobbit brightly, completely missing the animosity between the Elf and the Dwarf. “I don’t know most of the Elvish names myself; they are quite long, and hobbits like things to be commonplace.”

“As it should be, Master Hobbit.”

A second hobbit suddenly appeared in the group to the startlement of everyone except his cousin, who had evidently heard his approach.

“Gandalf says to tell you that so long as the mountains are on your left, you’re going South, so would you please stop dawdling.”

Gimli, Legolas and Boromir looked abashed, but the Hobbit drew himself up importantly.

“We were exchanging cultural information. One of us should learn something on this trip.”

“I think, my friends, that we have discussed all we can on this subject.” Boromir said.

“When we get to Gondor, will you show me South?” The Hobbit asked.

“Of course, little one. It would be my pleasure.”

* * * * * *

AN: After looking for the better part of two hours, I decided there is no canon North Star. So I made one. I gave it Elvish qualities (ie. it moves so that it, unlike our Polaris, is always North), similar to Gil-Estel (the star/planet/elf in a boat Legolas was talking about).

AN: This was supposed to be a one shot fic, but it kind of happened, so I let it. I think it was just too good to pass up.

* * * * * *

~Finding South~

His first instinct was to call out, but then he remembered that hobbits, for all there bravery, were rather skittish. The last thing he wanted was to startle this Hero of the Realm, and cause his small form to plummet over the edge of the parapet he was standing on. The Hobbit was craning his neck, looking all about him, and seemed not to notice that he was in a rather precarious position. So Faramir made his way along the wall as normally as he could.

“I though hobbits did not care for heights.” Faramir said, standing on the walkway.

The hobbit smiled at him, and sat down on the breastwork, idly swinging his shoeless feet over the edge of the fire-pit. For the first time, the Man looked directly into the hobbit’s eyes.

“We don’t usually. But it doesn’t seem so bad after these last few months.”

“I suppose that’s true enough.” Faramir said. “Your cousins were wondering where you had got to. They said something about a ‘midnight snack’, and that it was not your wont to miss it.”

“Is it midnight already?” Faramir nodded. “Oh me. I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“What have you been doing out here?”

“I was,” the Hobbit hesitated, and then decided that Faramir would not mind hearing a story about his lost brother. “I was looking for South. Boromir said you’ve a star for it, but he never got to show me.”

Faramir was silent for a time. Hobbit and Man were side by side, looking out across the Pelennor towards Osgiliath. Finally, Faramir raised his arm and pointed to the right.

“You see the star there, the bluish one?”

“I do.”

“That is Gil-hyarmen, the right foot of the constellation Mairo, the Horse.”

The Hobbit smiled, and then laughed, and Faramir realized that this was a joke he would never understand.

“Well now. How about that.” The Hobbit mused quietly. He swung his feet around and jumped off the parapet. He looked up at Faramir. “Tell me, Lord Faramir, would you like to go on an Adventure?”

“Well, that depends, Master Perian. Is it for a noble purpose?”

“Oh aye, my lord, it is indeed. My kinsmen and I seek to liberate a host of sweet breads from the larder and rescue them from the horrible fate of facing the King tomorrow.”

“That is a noble cause. Tell me, have you and your stalwart cousins discovered the hidden passageway to the confectionery kitchen?”

The Hobbit’s face lit up.

“Lead on, my lord.” He said. “For I can see that you are quite accomplished in these matters.”

Faramir laughed, and took the Hobbit by the hand. As they walked through the gardens that led the way to the citadel proper, the Hobbit looked back over his shoulder. He did not look South.

“My Lord Faramir, have you ever heard of the game of horse shoes?”

* * * * * *

~finis~

AN: I also invented the South star. And very creatively name it “South Star”, using the letter names from appendix F (or E. I can’t remember, and I can’t reach my books from here).