Spoilers: Chimera and back
Disclaimer: Sigh…
Summary: When Sarah enters Daniel’s life again, Janet finally get answers to the hard questions.
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Hard Questions
“Are you happy?”
Initially, the question struck her as unreasonably odd. She liked her job, her daughter was doing well in school, her toes were warm, and she was in his bed. Of course she was happy. Then her sleepy brain realized that he was using the tone of voice he always used when he needed to tell her something important, but didn’t quite know how to begin.
“Yes Daniel,” she replied, burrowing against him and deeper into the blankets. “I am happy.”
“Good.” She made herself breathe normally as she waited for the other shoe. “So am I.”
“Just say it, Daniel.”
“I – this brought up a lot of memories,” he stuttered, shifting beneath her.
“About Sarah?” She wasn’t worried. She knew enough from treating Sarah Gardiner to know that the woman would be on her way back to England as soon as she got clearance.
“No, not about Sarah.” Janet’s mind spun. “About Sha’re.”
Janet closed her eyes for a few moments, memory of a broken man flooding her brain. She knew that right at this moment, the hair his fingers were weaving themselves into wasn’t hers and that the wind outside the windows was blowing sand, not leaves.
“Tell me,” she said finally, quietly.
“I dreamed of the moment she would wake up, free at last.” His words were disjointed, and her heart broke at the hopelessness of it. “She would look at me, and say “Danyel”, like no one on this planet can, and I would hold her forever and never let her go.”
Janet was not entirely sure what emotion was boiling through her, though she prayed it wasn’t jealousy.
“And it was almost exactly like that,” Daniel continued. “Except it was Sarah and when she looked at me I could tell she never wanted to see me or anything that reminded her of the past every again.”
“Sha’re was not Sarah, Daniel,” Janet said. “Sha’re fought all the time, twice hard enough to save your life. If she had lived, she would have….”
They lapsed into silence. Janet knew him well enough to know that he hadn’t yet managed to get out what he was trying to tell her, and waited for him to try another tack.
“What was he like, you ex-husband?”
“He was very…family oriented,” she said trying to put the best possible light on it. “He wanted to live close to his family. My posting conflicted with that.”
“And?” Damn the man’s perceptiveness.
“The posting also put our own family on hold. He didn’t like that.” Janet clenched her teeth. “We fought a lot, towards the end. He hit me once. I don’t think he meant it, he could have broken my teeth if he’d tried, but I didn’t stick around to find out.”
“Would you change anything?” he asked.
She took her time in replying. She had a fairly good idea what his answer would be and he was using that tone, so he expected her to ask him back.
“No.” She swallowed hard and felt her eyes fill, but this was the time for truth. “No, I wouldn’t change anything.”
“I would,” he said very softly.
“I know.”
“I watched a movie with Cassie once,” he said, and Janet wondered where he was going. “A prince was talking about finding a soul mate, and what happens if you never find yours and what happens if you do, but then one of you gets struck by lightning, and – well, I don’t remember how the conversation ended. I think they all went swimming. But my point is that I love her. And I love you. Both. More than I cam comprehend. I just – I don’t understand how that works.”
“I don’t understand why, Daniel,” she said, looking up at him and not caring if he saw her tears. “But I understand that it happens.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. Every philosopher, every poet, every scholar up until you assumed that a person only had one planet to choose a soul mate from. But we know how big it is. You’ve seen more than most people dream of. Fate, destiny, choice, will, space, time; you’ve seen it all. But at the end of the day, when it’s dark and the shadow effect of the mountain makes it cold, you’re here. And that is all I need.”
“Are you always this philosophical at two o’clock in the morning?” A smile crept over his face and she could feel her own answer.
“That depends.”
“Teal’c told me that with all of my issues, he was surprised I could sleep at all. But I know why I can.” The arms that snaked around her touched flannel pajamas, worn to shield the wearer from unpredictable Colorado nights. “I love you, Janet. Always.”
Should anything happen to her, Janet knew that she was irrevocably in Daniel’s heart now. There were others there too, in different parts and quantities, but there was plenty of room.
And she was very, very happy.
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fin
AN: This is actually a conversation Daniel and Janet had in my head a couple months ago, when I was trying to get more into the Janet character’s back story. I never thought it would actually show up in a fic, but Chimera provided the perfect in.