Previously on Stargate SG-1….Martouf bought the farm, Daniel hugged a Goa’uld and nobody noticed, Janet said something about the brain chemical in The Fifth Man (which annoyed me because not only was Janet not in the episode, but it also creates a plot hole big enough to fly a starship through) and Tanith shoots off his mouth about The Goa’uld-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (it’s Anubis. But don’t tell anybody).
Space. Ship. A Jaffa tells some guy his guest is here. The guy turns out to be Zipacna, whom we all remember from Pretence, back in season three, when we learned for the first time how very stupid the Tolan are. Were. Whatever. He starts talking to someone we don’t see yet, going on about how big the army is, in spite of the short time spent amassing it. Are we supposed to believe it is He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Maybe, but the camera switches to Osiris quickly, so probably not. Zippy offers an alliance. Osiris turns him down. Zippy makes smart ass comments about gender affiliation, and pitches out a name that catches Osiris’ attention. The name? Oh, just guess.
See, this is the first place where I would have changed this episode. I would have had the credits roll without revealing the name, and then have Anubis reveal himself in Redemption. Of course, I would also put the credits at the end of each episode, so I couldn’t be spoiled by reading the guest cast list. I am strange that way.
Anyway, credits.
Gateroom. Davis announces an unauthorized off world activation (out of curiosity, if someone would like to tell me the difference between that and an unscheduled incoming wormhole, I would love to hear it). It’s the Tok’ra. Insert requisite Jack Comment here. It is some chick named Ren-al (which is good, because the flash-backs featured Anise, so I was worried. Or I would have been….if I hadn’t been reading the credits), who makes quick with the small talk and announces impending doom. Insert another requisite Jack comment. I am going to need a macro for that. Suggestions?
In the briefing room, Ren-al announces that the Goa’uld are planning to establish a New Order. Of course, we all know that doesn’t happen until season eight, but work with me for a minute. Ren-al says they want the System Lords to meet so that they can all be simultaneously whacked (hey! My spell checker accepted that). She says they need a human to pose as a slave. Everyone looks to Teal’c, which amuses me, because he’s not human, he’s not exactly cut out to go undercover, and we all know how he feels about the “petty needs of the Goa’uld”. Ren-al clarifies, and everyone looks at Daniel, who looks around for someone else fluent in Goa’uld and not Teal’c. There are no takers.
Daniel’s lab. Daniel stews. I don’t know why they bother with this. We all know he’s going to do it. Teal’c comes by for the requisite pep talk, and points out that he currently “has no plan that would accomplish as much as the one put forth by the Tok'ra.” (I’ll quote him as often as I like, thank you. Good grammar is hard to find). Daniel surprises no one by announcing that he’ll do it.
Gate Room. SG-16 is prepping to accompany SG-1. They are so screwed. Jack makes a requisite remark about the Tok’ra, and they go up the ramp to Revana. Jacob and Aldwin meet them on the ramp. Insert requisite Jack comment about not knowing what’s going on. Aldwin outlines his plan for SG-16’s orientation (the Hell? This is crazy plot device number 3, for anyone who’s keeping track at home) to the Tok’ra base. Because I am sure all Tok’ra bases have orientation classes. Jack makes a…well, you know.
Tok’ra…talking room. Jacob says (to Daniel) that Yu will be among the System Lords. Amanda Tapping apparently drew the short straw this week, and gets to make the Yu joke, which is actually pretty decent as far as they go. The expression on her face, however, totally gives away that Yu was chosen by the writers for the express purpose of allowing her to make the quip. I can appreciate that.
Anyway, Daniel raises the point that Yu knows what he looks like (which I am sure made the writers cry), and Ren-al says that once he injects Yu with the Reeyall toxin, Yu will believe Daniel is whoever he says he is. I am still bitter that Janet was confined to the previouslies. Also….um, this is the plan? There are so many chances for disaster.
But wait, it gets better! If Nirrti doesn’t show up (apparently, they still don’t like her very much, so the chances are slim), and blow his cover, Daniel’s mission is to get the Goa’ulds in a room, and then poison them with The Glow Stick of Doom, or rather Selective Doom, as it will only actually poison the symbiote. I am immediately distracted by wondering what effect it will have on Sam. By the time I tune back in, Daniel has established that The Glow Stick of Selective Doom will kill every symbiote twice over, and then the host will die of…symbiotelessness. This upsets Daniel, but Jacob plays the “psychological damage” card, and Daniel agrees to go along for the ride.
In the corridor, Jack and Jacob argue about the sudden desire of the Tok’ra to wipe out the Goa’uld. Jacob, somewhat ironically, points out that this will create a power vacuum (how is it, by the way, that the Tok’ra have not heard of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Some spy network you’ve got their, Jake!), and that it will all be sunshine and roses for everybody who does not have a symbiote.
Zip A Dee Do Dah and Osiris talk. Zippy says that Osiris is good at politics and manages to make it sound like some sort of horrible sexual deviancy. I love the way the Goa’uld talk! Anyway, it is decided that Zippy will go a’Tok’ra huntin’, on account of some intelligence that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named pried out of a Tok’ra (you’d think these people would carry suicide pills or something), while Osiris crashes the Summit (points for including the title!). “Wait!” I hear you think. “Won’t Osiris recognize Daniel?”
Speaking of whom, apparently Lotar’s don’t wear glasses, so he’s putting on contacts using a reflective surface of Selmak’s teltak (sorry). He looks like it hurts. Anyway, Jacob is dressing himself in possibly the most ridiculous Goa’uld costume seen to date (seriously. I wonder if they had to bribe Carmen to wear it), and he re-pep talks Daniel. Hmmm…do you think there’s gonna be a problem? Daniel is still good to go.
Tok’ra Tunnels. Aldwin is giving SG-16 Tok’ra 101. We know all this already, so I am just going to skip it. Jack materializes out of nowhere, makes his requisite comment, and then exits gracefully to help Teal’c wait for Daniel.
Teltak. Jacob gives Daniel the magic ring that will enable him to enchant Yu. That came out a bit wrong. Anyway, Jacob warns Daniel not to prick himself with it. “Why?” Daniel predictably asks. “Actually, I don’t exactly. That in itself should scare you.” Jacob replies. This recap is brought to you in part by Writer’s Blok: if you can’t think of an explanation, don’t give one!
Tok’ra Lab. Ren-al and Sam talk about Martouf. Jeez, I realize that Season Five is the season in which Everything Came Back, but let the poor man rest, for crying out loud. They debate whether the host is worth less than the symbiote. I fall asleep and dream of other extraneous plots they could have worked into this episode. Why not Haley? Why not Bra’tac? Why not Janet? And so I miss the bit about the zatarc research. Don’t worry though, I am sure it was irrelevant.
Jacob sneaks up behind the real Jarren, Yu’s (would that be Y’all’s in the plural?) lotar. Jarren smells a fish. Daniel zats him. Because no one will notice that. Daniel is nervous, but Jacob puts his faith in the drugs, and pouring from the right. Is that a culture reference, or is Jacob just being a smartass?
See Daniel. See Daniel pour tea. See Daniel try not to freak when Yu walks up behind him. See Daniel stick Yu. See Yu drink tea. Drink, Yu. Drink.
Tok’ra Tunnels. Alarms sound as Ren-al announces that they will shortly be receiving some very unexpected company. The Stargate is incoming. They are stuck.
Yu’s Teltak (it’s just not the same!). Daniel and Yu go through security to get to the Summit (point!). Yu tells Daniel not to trust anybody. Because I am sure that was part of the Tok’ra plan.
Tok’ra Tunnels. Sam suggest leaving in ships, but none are available. How have these people survived? Aldwin announces that they are making more tunnels to hide, hoping against hope that the law of averages will protect them. Jack orders SG-16 to their deaths (whoops! I forget not to give things away sometimes), and tells them to help while he and SG-1 run around like chickens with their heads cut off. Ren-al cuts power to the base to make it harder to detect. Jack protests hiding in a hole in the ground with only zats, and Ren-al tells him it is the Tok’ra way. Because painting yourself in a corner always works so well. Jack suggests releasing the toxin (apparently forgetting that it will also kill Teal’c….plus whatever affect it might have on Sam), and Ren-al says they can’t because they gave all they had to Daniel.
Hello and welcome to this week’s edition of Name That System Lord. While Yu and Daniel walk around a circular room, they play exposition as to who is who. Interestingly, only one of the assembled is Egyptian, Bastet. Kali the Destroyer is Hindi (I think), Ba’al is Canaanite, Morrigan is Celtic, Olokun appears to be some African Tribal type, and Yu is of course Chinese. Yu offers all sorts of advice, like “Do not make me look foolish by allowing yourself to be murdered”, and Daniel takes it all in stride and plays along. Later, Ba’al and Yu talk shop, and decide that Something Must Be Done.
Tok’ra Tunnels. The roof, she does a’crumble. SG-16 (still alive!) tries to dig out some Tok’ra. Then the roof caves in again. So much for SG-16.
Zippy’s ship. Random Jaffa guy points out that none of the Tok’ra have escaped yet. Zippy mocks them, and rightly so. Tunnels=stupid place to be. Zippy decides to send in the infantry.
Tunnels. Elliot (whom I am now remembering from Proving Ground), shows up carrying Major…something. (He’ll be dead soon. It really doesn’t matter.) The rest of SG-16 is (surprise) dead. And the infirmary is gone. Lab it is then!
Lab. The ceiling continues to fall. I hope it’s insured, but doubt it given the Tok’ra track record this episode. Ren-al wipes the computer memory after downloading the poison. Jack suggests they come up with a plan that does not involve dying. Silly Jack, that’s all the Tok’ra do! He, Teal’c and Aldwin head for the surface to see what’s going on.
Daniel comms Jacob. Jacob reports that the seventh Goa’uld just docked so lets blow this baby and go home! Daniel says that someone else is coming. Gee, I wonder who that could be. So I guess the Goa'uld we just saw walk past was number seven. I have no idea who he is, and he does not look particularly Egyptian either. Why are they doing this? It's not like there's a shortage of gods in Egypt!
Tunnels. Sam tries to get Martouf back. Again. Some more. Ren-al says no. The ceiling falls in, breaking Lantash’s chamber and knocking just about everybody out.
Surface. Jack et al see the ground troops. Insert requisite…never mind. He tries to talk to Sam. Sam no talkie back. They head back for the tunnels.
Summit (point!). The System Lords gab about this idiot who keeps killing them and not having the guts to say who he is. Which is actually kind of genius, but they’ve all got sour grapes, I guess. The door-slave announces the new arrival. It’s Osiris (surprise!). Daniel ducks behind a pillar and fingers the Glow Stick Of Selective Doom. Yu calls for a drink. Daniel puts the Glow Stick of Selective Doom back in his pocket, pours tea (I was too busy swearing at him to notice if it was from the right), and looks straight at Osiris.
She smiles, and says something about having a lot to offer. I get chills, and fall in love with Anna-Louise Plowman. Again.
Revanna. Jaffa infiltrate the caves. “How?” I hear you ask. “I don’t know.” Is all I can tell you. Aldwin, Jack and Teal’c decide to go back in, but Aldwin is talken out by a death glider. Oh, Aldwin. You were so very gimpy in The Devil You Know, and I must have tuned out your presence ever since.
Tunnels. Sam wakes up and realizes that Major…whatever is dead. She crawls over to Ren-al, and finds that she is also dead. She takes the crystal and there are several absolutely unnecessary shots of the broken glass that Lantash used to call home. Bet you can’t guess what happens next! Sam crawls over to Elliot, who is now supporting a pair of glowing eyes and a nifty new way to make crank phone calls. Long story short: Lantash isn’t going to make it, but he’ll make sure that Elliot does. Die Martouf! (sorry)
Jack and Teal’c show up, they have the “so and so is dead” conversation, and decide to head for the surface.
Daniel is comming Jacob in what appear to be Yu’s quarters. He reports that Sarah is here, and for some reason, Jacob asks if she made him. Question: If you held someone at hand-device point and then they stuck you with a sedative anyway and you barely escaped with you curls in place, would you remember them? I like to think that I would. At any rate, the only purpose for the question I can see, is that it gave the writers enough time to get Osiris into the room before Jacob could launch into his “The needs of the many” speech. Osiris greets him and they chat about Daniel’s location in the universe as the doors close menacingly on them.
Tunnels. The ceiling falls. Again. Some more. And then just for fun it takes out the secondary ring room. There is no other access point. Now, at this stage, I was thinking “Okay, primary ring room it is!”, but Teal’c chimes in with an “We are indeed trapped.” Um….whatever floats your boat, big guy.
To be continued…