There wasn’t a body to bury, but there was a room to pack up. Hannah didn’t have very much, just odds and ends she’d borrowed from Cordelia and a few small gifts from Lorne. She’d gone through all the rooms in the hotel looking for paintings she liked and put extra hooks in the walls for them. The drapes had been heavy and she’d removed them so that only the gauzy curtains remained. She’d told him that she liked the light, even if it meant that her host had to be doubly careful when he entered her room.
The bed was unmade. Lorne was the first person to be in the room since he’d carried her down stairs for the ritual that morning. It seemed like a lifetime ago and Lorne felt old and drained. The sheets were cold, but they smelled of her and the evening breeze wafted the curtains towards the bed like wisps of fog.
He could feel her in the room still, he was certain of it. He, more than anyone else, knew exactly what had happened at the end of the ritual. He had seen it. She hadn’t died, she had transcended, gone beyond death to whatever glory lay beyond. But she lingered in this room and he could smell her in the air.
He smiled sadly and picked up the pillows that had fallen to the floor during one of Hannah’s attacks on herself. He tossed it on the bed, their bed, and began to sing.
“You said when you'd die that you'd walk
with me everyday
And I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With the blink of an eye the lord came
and asked you to leave
You went to a better place but He stole you
away from me”
Mechanically, he pulled the sheets into place, smoothing them out and covering them with the quilt. Hannah loved the warmth of California. It was so different from the institutional cold from where she’d been kept all those years. There had been a duvet on the bed when she moved it, but she got rid of it almost immediately, claiming that it was too heavy for the climate.
“And now she lives in heaven
But I know they let her out
To take care of me
There's a strange kind of light
Caressing me tonight
Pray silence my fears she is near
Bringing heaven down here”
Lorne crossed the room slowly and opened the closet. There were boxes in the hallway, but now that he saw what was left of her, the things that he could touch and keep, he couldn't think of putting those last trinkets away. Such a life to have left so little, and most of it borrowed at that.
“I miss your love I miss your touch
But I'm feeling you everyday
And I can almost hear you say
"You've come along way baby"”
Suddenly, the feeling that overcame him when he entered the room got stronger. She wasn’t lingering anymore, she was here. He knew it as well as he knew he was alive. He turned around slowly, unwilling to see her if only to lose her again, but unable to pass up the temptation to look at her one time. Her smile was like the sun rise, and he knew very well that it was night, but he walked toward her all the same.
“And now you live in heaven
But I know they let you out
To take care of me”
He stopped in front of her and cautiously extended a hand towards her. She didn’t move, but smiled, that smile she used when he was afraid and she thought it was silly. Her hair was in her face, and, steeling himself, he reached out to brush it behind her ear. His hand moved across her face and she turned toward it. He could feel her breath as his hand slid down her neck to her shoulder and then down her arm to her hand. Her fingers, her warm and solid fingers, met his and they locked together. He would never let go.
“There's a strange kind of light
In my bedroom tonight
Prayer silence my fears she is near
Bring your heaven down here”
He reached for her with his other hand, pulling her close. His hands ghosted up and down her arms, through her hair and along her spine. He was determined to make sure she was real and equally determined that he was going to be disappointed to find out that she was not.
You taught me kings and queens
While stroking my hair
In my darkest hour I know you are there
Kneeling down beside me
Whispering my prayer
Her hands began their own quest, starting at his horns and moving down. He felt her fingers against his skin and wondered how this could possibly be happening. He saw her die. He saw her leave. And she came back. Her eyes locked with his and he decided that he didn't care anymore. She was there. And for now, that was enough.
Yes there's a strange kind of light
Caressing me tonight
Pray silence my fear
She is near
Bringing heaven down here
He didn't remember getting to the bed or taking off any of their clothes, but he knew what happened after that. It was seared into his mind, into his skin, forever. Gone was the scared but stubborn girl and gone was the worrisome demon always afraid that he would hurt her. Their joining this time was deeper than before and he knew that she could see his soul as clearly as he could see hers. He had never felt this much in his entire life and he knew that she hadn’t either. When the souls faded from a blinding light to a normal pulse and they were both breathing hard, he pulled her on to his chest and kissed the top of her head, like he had not enough before.
The next time that we meet
I will bow at her feet
And say wasn't life sweet
Then we'll prepare
To take heaven down there
He woke to her mouth on his, and he placed his hands on her hips to roll them over one last time.
The morning breeze blew the light curtains of Hannah’s room towards the bed like wisps of fog. Lorne lay on his stomach, alone, and cried demon tears for departed souls.
------
finis
GravityNotIncluded, October 2003-May 2007
AN: I need to thank a few people. First, inlovewithnight for the beta. She did a wonderful job, particularly in this last chapter, changing the story from what I saw in my head to something that was also visible on paper. I can't thank her enough. And to eolivet, who betaed the first three parts and wait oh so patiently for the end of the story. She has been my friend longer than I have been writing this. And that is saying something. :)
Oh, and "Nan's Song" is by Robbie Williams