Yeah for betas!
Spoilers: Death Knell, including direct quotation
Disclaimer: If at first you don’t succeed…take solace in writing fan fiction.
Summary: There’s always something else you can sacrifice.
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The Better Part of Valour
The monitors in the infirmary beeped uniformly, marking his daughter’s sleep as she recovered in all the comfort the SGC could muster. Selmak instinctively matched their heartbeat to the sound of the instrument which measured out the peaceful rate of Sam’s heart as she slept, calmly breathing in and out in the silence of the room.
Do you know why I asked you to give up coffee? Selmak asked, her voice loud inside his skull.
You don’t like the taste? he replied sarcastically.
Jacob, I don’t have taste-buds. Or a tongue, for that matter.
Well no then, I don’t. Why did you ask me to give up coffee?
Because I am tied into your central nervous system. She flexed slightly, not quite stretching herself out to full length and he shuddered. Do you have any idea what coffee does to your central nervous system?
More or less. Sam moved ever so slightly, but did not wake.
I can feel the hyper-awareness flooding through us far longer than you can, and much more intensely. Coffee is a very unsettling experience for me.
I am so sorry. And he was. As strange as it was, he loved Selmak a great deal.
We’ll survive. She said, not having to add “Because that’s what Tok’ra do” to her sentence.
Why are we talking about coffee? he asked, suddenly realizing that she was keeping something from him.
Because, like coffee, I can feel your children inside of you. They cause us pain and joy and a thousand other emotions. But unlike coffee, they are absolutely necessary. You cannot give them up.
Selmak -
We must remain on Earth. We must be Jacob Carter. I cannot make you give them up.
Selmak was usually the voice of reason, but what she was saying now made no sense.
What, so we’re trading coffee for my kids?
In a nutshell, yes she replied after a few moments’ thought.
You’re insane.
We can do nothing at home, Jacob. They no longer trust us. Our voice would fall on deaf ears.
It hung between them for a moment, Sam’s breathing and the steady beeps from the heart monitor the only noise despite their increasingly heated conversation.
Then I will shout until I’m hoarse.
Jacob - she tried, but he rail-roaded over her.
Do you believe in the Tok’ra?
Of course!
And do you believe in the Tau’ri?
You know I do.
And if we leave, who will speak for both sides?
He was right. He was right, and it was going to cost him everything.
No one will speak, she said, her tone subdued. No one will speak. The Tok’ra will hide in their tunnels while Anubis overruns the galaxy.
Would it make a difference if you left me? Found a more suitable host? he said the last part with great bitterness.
I would refuse. He exulted quietly, indulging himself in one selfish moment. Even if my refusal destroyed the universe.
Thanks. I think. But he meant it, for all his sarcasm.
Selmak reached out his hand and picked up Sam’s. She lightly ran his fingers over her palm and wrist. The weight of their decision began to fall on him.
Could you leave her, Jacob? Like this?
I can visit.
No, Jacob. You cannot. It hurt more because he already knew it was true.
I know. God, what was he doing? Can we wait until she wakes up?
Of course. Take all the time you need. But once we step through that wormhole, there will be no turning back.
I’ll have to think of something to tell Mark.
Sam stirred again and Jacob linked his fingers through hers, caught between wanting her to wake up healed and wanting to watch her sleep forever and never have to leave.
Do they not make coffee flavoured beverages which do not contain the addictive stimulant?
Yeah, it’s called decaf. Jacob smiled in spite of himself. My wife tried for years to get me to switch over.
Then I believe everything will turn out all right.
You’re an eternal optimist, Selmak.
I had a good teacher.
A soft moan reverberated through the infirmary, and Sam opened her eyes. She blinked a few times to bring her eyes back into focus and looked up at him.
“Howdy kid.” He smiled down at her and his heart broke. “You were asleep for a long time. You gave me quite a scare.”
”I'm sorry.”
“Jack told me what happened. I'm proud of you.” He swallowed hard. “Look Sam, I may not be able to come around as much for the next little while.”
“What do you mean?” She blinked again, trying to remember something that would make this make sense.
“Things kind of got screwed up while you were out there. The alliance is in trouble.”
“I don't understand.”
“You don't need to know the details right now,” was what he said; ‘Neither do I’ was what he thought. “Let's just say we're going our separate ways for a while. If I stay with the Tok’ra, I can at least try to mend some fences.”
“You sure?”
“I'm not ready to give up on this just yet.” He kissed her on the forehead and cursed lost time. “Don't worry, I'll be back eventually.”
“I'll miss you.” She always said that before he left.
Your sacrifice will not be in vain, Jacob Carter. We will prevail.
I know. Let’s get going. The sooner we leave, the sooner we can come back.
You are an eternal optimist.
Jacob smiled wistfully at his daughter.
I had a good teacher.
“I’ll miss you too.”
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fin
AN: OK, that was very, very hard! You try writing a conversation that lasts four pages and takes place entirely internally sometime. It’s good for what ails ya!