by Stephen Gray
Judges Daffy, Wacky and Weird were having an after-dinner conversation.
Judge Weird said to Judge Daffy: "I didn’t know you had an interest in art."
Judge Daffy replied, "It is a long story, I had this pervert chap appear in my court and he had these drawings of children."
"Oh how interesting." said Judge Weird, "Tell me more."
"When I perused these drawings," said Judge Daffy. "I perceived they were of ‘artistic merit."’
"But how did you know? With what standard did you compare them with?" asked Judge Weird.
"I just knew in looking at them. Sometimes you get that gut feeling that something is exceptional and has ‘artistic merit.’ Of course I took some heat for saying that and my court was called obscene but some people just don’t understand art." said Judge Daffy.
Judge Wacky, who had been listening intently, just like he always did in court, interjected himself into the conversation and said; "I know what you mean Daffy. I had occasion to make a judgement on a case, not concerning art of course, but I had to be creative to find a solution to this case."
"What was that?" asked Daffy
"Well," said Wacky, "I had this case about ‘sexual orientation’ and I could not find anything in that darned Constitution about ‘sexual orientation.’"
"What did you do and what does ‘sexual orientation’ mean?" asked Daffy.
"I thought about it for a while and remembered that another eminent Judge had said the Constitution ‘was a living tree’ so I thought if it can be a tree for him, it could be something more creative for me." said Wacky
"Don’t keep us in suspense," said Weird, "Let us here your summation, you’re not in court at the moment, Ha, Ha, Ha."
"I just imagined that ‘sexual orientation’ was in the Constitution." said Wacky.
"But what does it mean?" said Daffy again.
"How should I know what it means? I just used my imagination." said Wacky.
"Imagination is all well and good and goodness knows I’ve done that myself." said Daffy, who was of artistic bent. "But tell us how you justified it."
"Quite simple really, I just read in ‘sexual orientation’ into law." said Wacky.
"How can you ‘read in’ something that’s not written in the Constitution?" asked Weird
"Very easy." said Wacky. "Remember we have ‘the independence of the judiciary’ and we must show leadership. I call it imaginative justice, for we can see things that are unseen and read words that are not written."
"Very good thinking." said Daffy. "You are like me, I can see ‘artistic merit’ and you are blessed with an imagination that is almost hallucinatory."
Hearing Wacky and Daffy having a mutual admiration was too much for Judge Weird.
So he cried out, "It’s my turn now to hold court, ha, ha, he, he, no pun intended, you get it of course, hold court."
"Of course we get your silly pun, now tell us about your latest judicial pronouncement." said Wacky and Daffy.
"I took on a democratically elected government." said Weird. "I gave it an ultimatum; I told the government you have two years to bring in legislation making ‘same sex marriage’ legitimate. Otherwise it will be done for you."
"How did you get away with laying down the law to an elected government?" asked Wacky and Daffy.
"I found a right in the Constitution; you can find anything in there. You guys should know that. Even though they say justice is blind, justice is imaginative, justice has artistic merit, justice is a living tree and justice is whatever the heck we say it is." said Weird.
"Which brings to mind that excellent judge we had a few years ago" said Daffy. "You fellows must remember him."
"Oh, yes, I remember him." said Wacky. " I believe he sat in on that case of the abortionist chap, who gets all the tax dollars for his abortion business."
"That’s him." said Weird. "I think he was the judge that found a pregnant woman’s baby was a danger to ‘security of the person.’ I guess he must have thought the woman was carrying a baby tiger. I’m just kidding of course, a fine man and an excellent creative judge."
"That’s the fellow."said Wacky. "Every time I hear his name I have a vision of the constitution ‘as a living tree" in the garden of my mind."
"I think there was a similar case about a baby a few years ago." said Daffy. "You guys must remember that one, it was a Solomonic decision."
"Did you say moronic decision?" asked Wacky
"Of course not, I would never say that about a fellow judge." said Daffy. "What I said was, it was a Solomonic decision."
"Tell us about it." said Weird and Wacky.
"It was the case where the baby’s head was outside the mothers body, the little person had arrived. But it seems the baby died. Anyway the case came to court and one of our learned judges said it was not a baby because only the head was showing." said Daffy.
"How did he decide it was not a baby?" asked Wacky
"He just said it was not a person." said Daffy
"But a baby is a person" said Wacky.
"Not when we say it’s not. Saying a baby is a person could endanger the legality of the abortion business, then people would think about life and bring the law into disrepute." said Daffy. "Surely you must know that Wacky!"
"Of course, I just forgot for a moment." said Wacky. "Person, baby, whatever, don’t let us get hung up on technicalities. We do that all the time in court."
"Talking about court," said Daffy. " I always remember that quote from another fine judge who said: ‘The court process is like a psychodrama, and the actors, or judges, have to command a certain degree of respect, or it’s chaos, and the whole system falls apart.’"
"You know he’s bang on the button with that one." said Weird "Because sometimes I think the system is going to hell in a handbasket."
"Why is that?" asked Daffy.
"We have these interlopers called ‘human rights commissions’ and quite frankly, I think they are invading our jurisdiction. These people have no training in law and are accorded similar status to us." said Weird
"You know that never ocurred to me before." said Wacky. "But you do have a point, if not in law but at least in their training."
"It’s a form of discrimination against the judiciary." said Daffy.
"And what do we do, when we are discriminated against?" asked Weird.
"We just soldier on." said Daffy.
"Anyway I would not lodge a complaint to any of their tribunals--I refuse to call them courts-- you only give them credibility by calling them courts." said Weird.
"It is all very worrying," agreed Wacky. "Sometimes I think the country is going bonkers.
No standards anymore, no common sense."
"Very true there are a lot of morons out there." said Weird.
"Cheer up," said Daffy. "Let’s think positive; at least we’re doing our job, and that, in the long run, is all that counts."
And so ends the conversation of Judges Daffy, Wacky and Weird.
Stephen Gray
graysinfo@telus.net website http://www.oocities.org/graysinfo
December 1,2002.
Some info on the Author:
Stephen Gray is a writer and researcher on various topics. He published a newsletter for 11 years detailing the misuse of trade union time and money.