By Stephen Gray
Judges Daffy, Wacky and Weird were having another after-dinner conversation.
(See the first one at (http://www.oocities.org/graysinfo )
Judge Daffy: "The country seems to be in a bit of an uproar these days."
Judge Weird: "Isn’t it always? If it’s not criminals voting, or billion dollar gun registry boondogles, it’s special deals for political friends - it just goes on and on. So, what’s the problem now?"
Judge Daffy: "It seems this decision by judges on "same-sex marriage" is causing some of the populace to get upset with us."
Judge Wacky: "It will all die down eventually, just a storm in a judicial toilet bowl. We’re still in charge and that’s what counts. Still, it really is a marvellous system this democracy of ours. Think about it. The people vote for the politicians. Then politicians appoint us to the bench. Then we tell the politicians what to do. One of our Madame Justice’s put it in a nutshell a few years ago when she said: ‘Judges occupy the unusual position in a democracy of being non-elected officials who are given significant decision making power over the lives and property of their fellow citizens without being subject to removal if their decisions are unpopular.’ There you are my friends, straight from the judicial horse’s mouth. Do we have a great job or what?"
Judge Weird: "I’m not complaining about the job. The only good thing these politicians do is appoint us. Though sometimes I think most of them are mentally challenged. They cannot make any difficult decisions without running to us. We do all their dirty work. No matter how much wisdom we impart to them, they still cannot control some of these people who are against ‘equality’ for all our subjects."
Judge Daffy: "I cannot believe the disrespect being heaped on the judiciary over this same-sex marriage business. It’s almost as if the people still think we are lawyers."
Judge Wacky: "Talking about lawyers, I see one of them is going to marry his same-sex partner. Perhaps we’ll get invited to the happy event."
Judge Daffy: "I for one will be very disappointed if we don’t. I think an invitation would be in order considering it was the judiciary who made these kinds of marriages possible."
Judge Weird: "Amen to that, and I hope there is plenty of booze at it."
Judge Wacky: "Talking about booze, there is a scurrilous joke going around that one of our esteemed colleagues was perhaps suffering from an over active imagination when he ‘read in’ words that were not written in the constitution."
Judge Daffy: "I must admit he does have a great imagination. He can see and read things that are non-existent. But he has created a new precedent. So I say, more power to him. Let them have their silly jokes; some don’t appreciate the intellectual capacity of the judicial mind. Where would the country be without us to keep it on the straight and narrow? Oops, I made a judicial faux pas. The word straight sounds discriminatory. I meant to say inclusive and narrow."
Judge Weird: "By the way, Daffy. How is your garden coming along these days?"
Judge Daffy: "Everything is coming up roses, to coin an old saying."
Judge Wacky: "Talking about gardens. I see one of our Madam Justice’s used the judicial garden as an example in one of her speeches."
Judge Weird: "What did she say?"
Judge Wacky: "She said we [judges] were involved in ‘high level specialized, intellectual work...’ and said: ‘The judge is more like a gardener, shaping and nurturing the plants so that they grow as intended, occasionally pulling out a weed that offends the plan on which the garden is based.’"
Judge Daffy: "I always knew we had an affinity with gardens. Some of our decisions are just like spreading manure ha, ha. What I mean to say is: We fertilize the public with our knowledge and they grow in their learning."
Judge Weird: "I wish she would come over and weed my garden."
Judge Wacky: "Smarten up, Weird. She was only speaking metaphorically."
Judge Weird: "Then why is she only talking about plants and weeds? I thought we had ‘living trees’ as well in the judicial garden. Ours is an ‘inclusive’ garden isn’t it?"
Judge Daffy: "Of course we are ‘inclusive;’you are all mixed up, Weird. It was another judge who said the Constitution was a ‘living tree.’ Madam Justice is only continuing the analogy of justice being a garden. Picture in your mind: A judge ‘reading in’ words that are not written while being up a ‘living tree’ and at the same time admiring the ‘artistic merit’ of the garden then descending from the tree to pull some weeds that are strangling the plants."
Judge Weird: "You mean choking the plants. Strangling sounds criminal."
Judge Wacky: "Talking about criminals, I read that there are a number of them running free in the country."
Judge Daffy: "What are their names?"
Judge Weird: "I don’t know. It seems they are covered under the ‘privacy act’ and no one can be told."
Judge Wacky: "That makes sense. Privacy is important."
Judge Daffy: "I agree criminals are people too and are entitled to their privacy."
Judge Weird: "I have a question for you both. Do you ever feel, now that you are on the bench, that waves of wisdom sweep over you constantly?"
Judge Wacky: "It’s funny you should ask that. I have that feeling all the time. It’s almost like when you become a judge, some sort of power takes you over and imparts wisdom into your mind."
Judge Daffy: "I don’t want to sound stupid but I get that feeling as well. Sometimes this wisdom or power that I have feels so great. It makes me think that the move from being a lawyer to sitting on the judicial bench fills your being with extra intelligence. A sort of robed revelation."
Judge Weird: "Very well put Daffy, that’s it exactly. A robed revelation. I am so glad you both agree with me, for quite frankly I thought I was going nuts, thinking I was the only one with this special power. Then I remembered those inspiring words of our Madame Justice who said we are involved in ‘high level specialized intellectual work’ and I just knew that everything was okay. Then I went out into my judicial garden and pulled a few ‘weeds’ sat under a ‘living tree’ picked up a book and ‘read’ words that were not written. I also admired the ‘artistic merit’ of the judicial garden and thought-in the immortal words of one of the poets: "Who’s like us?"
And so ends another judicial conversation.
Stephen Gray
August 15, 2003.
graysinfo@telus.net website http://www.oocities.org/graysinfo
Some info on the author: Stephen Gray is a writer and researcher on various topics. He published a newsletter for 11 years exposing the misuse of trade union time and money.