By Stephen Gray
Dear All,
Hope you got my last letter. Not much has changed since I last wrote you. Loonie Land continues to live up to its name.
There was a story on TV the other night about a prisoner in jail. It seems he wants to grow marijuana in his cell for medical purposes and was refused permission. He is launching a lawsuit claiming his rights are being violated under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. You are probably wondering how can a convict launch a lawsuit from prison so that he can grow dope. The answer is: We are a "just" and "caring" society and everybody has rights. You are also probably wondering, how will he pay for this lawsuit? The answer is very simple we have a wonderful program called, "The Court Challenges Program." This program pays for disadvantaged groups to go to court. Some examples are perverts, radical feminist organizations and other people outside the mainstream. If anyone wants to oppose these people, they of course have to pay their own costs. You might be thinking, hey this is crazy, NO this is Loonie Land.
Our prison system is one of the best in the world. How do we know this? Not to long ago a gangster was phoning from jail and was overheard telling his friends on the outside to tell the gangsters in another country to come to Loonie Land to "work." He said being in prison in Loonie Land was better than living in his own homeland. Is that a recommendation or what?
Did you know that we have five million missing persons in Loonie Land? It seems there are five million more social insurance cards than there are Loonie Land inhabitants old enough to need one. In fact it was reported in the media that more than 200 new cards were sent to a single address. I’ve heard of people sharing a house but this sounds incredible, or does it, remember this is Loonie Land.
Something called same sex marriage is being promoted here in Loonie Land. What is that, you might ask? It seems those proposing it-no pun intended - want males to be able to marry males and females to marry females. Could this apply to a man and his dog? Who knows: If they are both of the "same sex" and this being Loonie Land anything is possible.
The Little Guy is still as busy as ever working on his legacy. He gives out pearls of wisdom every day, nobody knows what these pearls are, as he speaks in Loonie Lands third official language. We call it nonsense.
We have our own government bank here in Loonie Land financed by the taxpayers. It was reported in the media that almost half of its "21 billion loan portofolio is to clients" of two companies "whose share prices have dropped 90% and 64% so far this year." Guess who will be picking up the tab for about $10 billion in "loans." The taxpayers of Loonie Land of course. Not to worry they have always been the losers, so at least things are consistent.
It looks like the taxpayers are going to take another hit, Loonie Lands pension board lost hundreds of millions of dollars not too long ago in the market. Now it has invested in a real estate company. The media says this about the company: " investors have shaved more than US$800-million off its value since it started trading." Our pension board must be "contrary investors." One wonders would this pension board be so free with their own money? Never mind, lets think positive, at least somebody will be getting commissions on investing the pension money. It is a win win situation for the pension board, even if they lose our money, we’ll get taxed to pay for the losses and the pension board will still be employed. The only losers are us suckers, called taxpayers.
I think I mentioned in my last letter, that another of our politicians was being pilloried in the media for giving out government contracts to a friend. He had a "good" answer for them, he said he was being attacked because he did the "right thing." In Loonie Land we have made corruption into martyrdom.
Halloween has come and gone and all the kids were tricking or treating. Some people say it is Halloween in Loonie Land all the time. Our politicians have been tricking us for years and treating themselves to big fat pensions.
Another report in the media said "Federal prison inmates have used their personal computers to produce escape plans, commit fraud and make fake I.D." This could be known as doing time to make a dime. Once again Loonie land lives up to its name.
This news has just come in: The political front runner who wants to be the next ruler of Loonie Land has just informed us that there is a "democratic deficit" in Loonie Land. He should know he has been part of an undemocratic government for years.
Thirteen hard working farmers have just been put in a Loonie Land jail. It seems they dared to sell their own grain. This is not allowed in Loonie Land. Who said this was a free country with a Charter of Rights and Feedoms?
The Supreme Court of Loonie Land has just issued another landmark decision. It said convicted murderers, perverts and other criminals should have the right to vote while in prison. The judges decision said they were, "morally worthy" to vote in federal elections and that their rights had been violated under the "Charter of Rights and Freedoms." Criminals have more rights than hard working farmers. Could this be called a perversion of justice?
A lot of people are beginning to think the country has become a madhouse. If this is so how do you certify a country? Would you need to bring in outside help to do it?
I’ll leave you with those last two questions perhaps you can answer them for me. I’ll write again soon from Loonie Land. The place where right is wrong and wrong is right and madness is a human right.
Bye for now, have a nice day and don’t forget to vote. Politicians need to know you care.
Stephen Gray
graysinfo@telus.net
November 1, 2002