#3 Letter From Loonie Land by Stephen Gray Dear All, Glad to hear you received my last letter. All is not well here in Loonie Land. We had a little bit of a political rebellion by some members of the government. Fifty-six Libloonies discovered they had brains and could think for themselves. So they voted against The Little Guy and the rest of their Libloonie cohorts. This is unheard of in Libloonie political folklore. It seems the "Fifty-six" wanted a secret ballot on appointments and The Little Guy did not. Could this be called treason? There is an old saying: A persons enemies are of their own household. You’ll notice I said "persons" and not "mans" I did not want to offend the sisterhood, they can be very picky on words. One of The Little Guy’s cabinet minister’s was not too happy about the secret ballot and was quoted in the media as saying: "How do we advance the cause of democracy by creating yet another secret vote?" This guy got elected by secret vote and now he wonders how it advances "the cause of democracy." Did someone say power corrupts? Or is this just typical Libloonie thinking? The Little Guy was upset about losing this vote and was quoted as saying: " I find it hard to say I wasn’t disappointed because I was disappointed." Anyway, The Little Guy is not taking this rebellion lying down. He is reported to be threatening to call an election and would refuse to sign the rebels nomination papers. So it looks like he has no intention of leaving and why should he? There is plenty of others around the world who have refused to leave at one time or another. It is not unusual to hold onto power. Off hand I can think of Idi Amin, Papa Doc and now Papa Jean. I see we are still a "caring" and "just" society. A national newspaper said: "600 convicted of serious crimes get special permits" to get into Loonie Land. Amongst those let in were people, "who authorities believe engaged in "terrorism, espionage or subversion by force." A spokesperson for the "permits" said: "every application is considered very seriously." Somebody said Osama Bin Laden could be here, but I thought that was a bit far fetched, then I remembered this is Loonie Land so anything is possible. Though a "permit" spokesperson did say "privacy legislation prevents" the govenment of Loonie Land "releasing any details of the ...permits." Why would criminals’ privacy be protected? Of course, I’m forgetting this is Loonie Land where criminals are protected. Loonie Land is now in "Terrorists Sights" according to a national newspaper. Can you believe these ungrateful terrorists...we give them special permits to get into Loonie Land and now they threaten us. That’s the thanks you get for being a "caring" and "tolerant" society. .I came across an old newspaper clipping about a radical feminists annual general meeting. It seems there was a problem with "gender identity." Some "old school lesbians weren’t even quite aware of what transgendered persons were all about." Does anybody know "what an old school lesbian" is? I can’t find the phrase in my dictionary. Can you believe these people? They get all kinds of our tax dollars in "grants" and they’re not up to speed on the transgendered. Is this discrimination by ignorance? Anyway they found a solution it seems at the next annual meeting there would be "updated material on identity politics." Whatever that is. The sisterhood were also complaining at their annual meeting that their funding had been cut. Perhaps that’s why the headlines in the paper said "... Money Crisis" and "Transgendered debate put off." Its too bad that "important issues" cannot be discussed because of a money crisis. Anyhow, it did say the transgendered issue was referred back to the "Lesbian Issues Committee." So hopefully they’ll be able to find out who is who and what is what. Its all very worrying, perhaps The Little Guy could strike a parliamentary committee on this -- by secret ballot of course. I know you’re thinking a certain politician should be appointed to this committee, but I don’t think that would be fair. He would be in a conflict of interest. Another new poll came out the other day. It seems that around 49% of the people would still vote for the Libloonies if an election were held today. Which goes to show that if you are incoherent, corrupt, tell lies, give grants to your friends and keep raising taxes then nearly half of the voters will still vote for you. Now you know why this is Loonie Land. It was reported in the media that Loonie Lands pension board lost over "$2.5 billion" in the stock market in "three months." Could this be called dollar cost averaging? I don’t think there is anything to worry about though, the national debt is over $600 billion, so $2.5 Billion is small potatoes. Anyway the head honcho of the pension board says there is no reason for Loonie Land residents to be alarmed on "the overall loss of $4billion on equities" in six months. We know the taxpayers in Loonie Land will pick up the tab for these financial wizards. Though I do have a question on this $4 billion loss... If we are the losers who are the winners? After all, this money had to go somewhere. I see we are still continuing to be a "just society." A report in a Loonie Land national newspaper said "Some Killers Merit a Break..." it seems a prison "watchdog says federal inmates serving life sentences for murder are being discriminated against by being automatically placed in maximum security prisons..." This is probably a case for the "Human Rights Commission" because "discrimination" is supposed to be outlawed in Loonie Land. Hopefully the Supreme Court of Loonie Land will step in and use The Charter of Rights and Freedoms to ensure these killers get "justice." It was also mentioned in this article that the Loonie Land’s prison watchdog is proposing "wage increases for all [prison] inmates." It seems their pay is too low. Any day now we’ll probably hear that the prisoners are forming a trade union and will be applying for certification. This might seem absurd but this is Loonie Land. I see another ruler has a fascination with aircraft. A headline in a newspaper said "Swazi King’s jet sparks uproar over aid funding." It seems we the Taxpayers of Loonie Land gave this guy "1.65 million in foreign aid" recently. It is reported his people are starving and he is going to buy a luxury jet. It seems the starving people were told: "The King needs the plane to get food for you." Oh well, at least the aircraft company will benefit from this purchase as it is a Loonie Land company. And perhaps the King’s passengers will get air miles. I think I mentioned in my last letter that there is a discussion on "same sex marriage" by the politicians; it is going to committee. Only politicians could form a committee to discuss nonsense. But this is Loonie Land where insanity is a way of life. It’s all so confusing, nobody knows who is who or what is what anymore. But at least Loonie Land is living up to its name. Anyway I’ll close for now, have a nice day and don’t forget to vote when the opportunity arises. Politicians need your encouragement. I’ll write again soon from Loonie Land. Where the bizarre is normal and normal is bizarre. Stephen Gray graysinfo@telus.net Nov. 17, 2002.