By Stephen Gray
I am gratified to see so many party supporters show up for my last appearance here. It is always nice to have a fund raising dinner with so many friends, and you all get tax receipts as well. Who said politics was not a free lunch? Though there are some party poopers - not in our party of course - who say many of us are freeloaders, feeding off the system. But, these are mean spirited, intolerant and hateful people.
It is always sad to say goodbye and leave behind the perks, privileges and expense accounts of elected office. Still, one can look back with pride on the changes we have made. No one in their wildest dreams would have believed the things we have done, or done to the people. Still, I believe the country is a more caring and loving place. We have men marrying men, and women marrying women. Wedding bells are everywhere. The country is one big lovefest and lovenest. And what could be nicer than that? We have lots to be happy about!!! Marijuana will soon be legal and everybody will be able to smoke some happiness. I might even try some myself, when it will no longer be criminal. There will be no more jokes about political dopes, for joints will be legal in the house on the Hill. We are in a class by ourselves, and might I say: "Who's like us?" When one is running for office, we promise the people everything, then when we get elected, we try to take everything from them. I am always amazed and grateful at the loyalty of the citizenry. No matter how much we punish and abuse them, they still come back for more. They are wonderful, wonderful people. Are they courageous or what? Still democracy is a marvellous concept and I would not change it for any other system. Where else can one get elected, then tax, punish, lie, impose, dictate and kick the living daylights out of those who elected you? But that is what politics is all about; leadership. The people have to be led to places they do not want to go. They have to be told what is good for them even if it is bad. They have made themselves prisoners to our every whim, and the beauty of it all is - they did it to themselves, they voted for us. Once they vote us into office they have surrendered many of their freedoms. We make them do what we say, and we make them pay what we ask.
Talking about pay, I am quite looking forward to my gigantic indexed pension that I voted for. If one doesn’t look after oneself who will? What will I do when I leave politics? I am pleased to say the offers are sure to come. For example: Offers to sit on the boards of directors of the companies we gave taxpayers' money to. Or to use a nicer word, "grants." Of course we received some of this taxpayers' money back in political contributions, so it was a win-win situation. Some cynical people called this money kickbacks, but taxpayers' money is meant to be used ethically and who is more ethical than us? I also hope to have an offer to teach at a university; perhaps I’ll take that one up and call my teaching course: "The Politics of Patronage," a course for aspiring politicians. Though I’m sure some unkind people will say it should be called: "How to live at the trough." One can never refuse these offers; after all, it’s good to be living off the system, and to know one’s work was, and still is, appreciated.
I sometimes worry, though, about the calibre of some of our political appointees. Some of them have let us down very badly. We appoint them to high paying jobs, and they start running up all kinds of expense tabs using taxpayers' dollars. One guy was even writing cheques to himself. Others are flying here, there and everywhere as if they were some kind of royalty. Some are eating as if they were seeing food for the first time. Others are gorging themselves in restaurants, as if the end was near, then tipping to excess. Others are sampling fine wines. I get really angry when I see this; after all, nobody elected them. Whatever happened to principles and ethics? Nobody has any shame anymore. Integrity seems to have gone out the window. Though, I must say they have learned the operations of goverment well. They are only appointees yet they think they have the same power we have. We are the custodians of taxpayers' money and we should decide the spending and use of it. Talking of money, that reminds me, I better put in my latest expense sheet before I leave. Otherwise I might forget. One of our esteemed colleagues had expenses of over $79,000 which was described as "other." Please don’t ask what is "other." It is an acceptable expense term in our accounting system. Otherwise, I am sure it was taxpayers' money well spent. Somebody once said: Money is the root of all evil. I don’t agree. Taxpayers' money is always a good in my book.
Lastly, I am so happy to see so many of you here tonight, at our fund raiser. You know your support will be repaid many times over. Some of you will get patronage appointments. Others can be assured that their interests are the party’s interest. I see many lawyers out there in the audience. Where would our political system be without the lawyers? [applause and much cheering from the lawyers] Some of you will be appointed to the bench, for the rule of law is important to our party. You are also the people we depend on to really rule the country, for the expertise of lawyers, oops sorry, I mean judges, is always needed to solve the complex and contorted social issues afflicting the country. In closing let me say this, we are one big political family and our goal is always the same. Power and control of the country’s money. For nobody can take better care of taxpayers' money than us. I will miss you all, but I am not really saying goodbye, only au revoir. Who knows, I may run again when the time is ripe for another new old face. Others in the party have come back for more, so why can’t I? But for now I bid you all a political farewell.
Stephen Gray
October 7, 2003.
graysinfo@telus.net website http://www.oocities.org/graysinfo
Some info on the Author: Stephen Gray is a writer and researcher on various topics. He published a newsletter for 11 years exposing the misuse of trade union time and money.