A play in four parts by Stephen Gray
Act 1 Scene 1 THE POCKETING
Politician now called Polly as this is his stage name:
Polly enters the Fabulous Articles Sale (FAS). He says to himself: “Ooh, ah, wow just look at those rings waiting to be inspected and lifted.” After looking at a few and picking them up, Polly spies a beauty, “Oh I just love this one; it’s magnificent. It’s expensive though: $50,000 dollars!!! Never mind, when we socialists take over rings will be free.” Polly puts the ring back down. He wanders around the premises a bit. But he can’t stop looking back at the RING. He thinks to himself: “The ring seems to be winking at me; it certainly seems to be flashing the words, “I’m Yours.” The words of the old Vera Lynn song enters Polly’s mind: “Yours till the end of life’s story.” Polly feels tears of joy well up in his eyes and experiences a warm cuddly feeling in his body. He feels he wants to reach out to touch and hold beauty. He heads back to the winking ring. Polly looks down at the ring, his fingers start to itch. He looks around. “Is anyone looking? I don’t think so. Perhaps I’ll pick it up. Oh, I wish it would stop winking and flashing at me. There, I took it. I pocketed the ring. Is pocketed stealing? Of course not. Pocketed is just like never having to say your sorry. I’ll just take the ring home for a few days it will be safe with me. It will be something to admire over the weekend.” Polly leaves the Fabulous Articles Sale (FAS) and heads for the safety and comfort of home.
Act 2 Scene 2 The TIP OFF
Polly is relaxing at home plotting his re-election strategy and wearing the ring on his finger. He is really pleased with himself. He is on top of his world. He has given a rousing speech to a gathering of people and made some remarks on the ethics of some politicians. He looks at all his old press clippings and the people he has put down over the years and thinks: “Am I the greatest or what?” He looks again at the ring, gives it a kiss and says: “You are a beauty, I feel you bring me luck.” Then the phone rings. Polly picks it up: “Hello, this is Polly.” The Caller says: “Hi Polly, I’ve news for you. Don’t put the kettle on for tea, for soon you might not be free.” “Who is this screams Polly? Is this another hate call? If so, I have your number on call display. I‘ll also call the hate crimes police.” Caller: “Calm down I’m trying to help you. Do you still have the ring?” Polly: “What ring?” Caller: “Cut the political B.S.; you were seen taking it on camera.” Polly: “Oh, ah, yes, no, maybe, what will I do where will I go?” Caller: “Do what you usually do: B.S you way out of it.” Caller hangs up. Polly screams out loud: “Those [obscenity deleted] cameras I used to love them. Now I hate them, I hate them. Oh, I should not have used the word hate. I am not a hater. I am a debater. Still there is nobody here right now and I hate those [expletive deleted] cameras. I must get a private members Bill through sometime to ban them. They are hateful. We need a hate law about cameras now.
Act 3 Scene 3 THE REHEARSAL
Polly collapses onto his easy chair. He takes the ring off his finger looks at it and says: “All this has happened because of you. Now you have to go back. Think, I must think. The public relations specialists always say confess when you are caught. Become a victim. Great, I have always played the victim. I can beat this rap. Pocketing a ring is not the same as stealing a ring.” Polly gets a large full size mirror and starts practicing some distraught and victimized faces. Then starts crying and screaming and saying: “ Oh why did this happen to me?” Polly then picks up the phone and calls the police. “Hello is that the police?” Police: “Yes it is.” I have a ring in my possession that I put in my pocket and took home.” Police: “Are you saying you stole a ring sir?” Polly, almost screaming through the phone says: “I pocketed a ring that I want to return.” Police: “Your name sir.” “Polly, my name is Polly and I am a politician of some importance.” Police: Thank you for calling, we have known about the ring for a few days now, we’ll be in touch with you.” Polly: “I would like that very much.” Police: “Sounds good to me. We’ll be seeing you. In the meantime hold on to your ring sir.” Polly collapses back onto his easy chair and muses, “so far so good, now I must get ready for my performance of a lifetime.”
Act 4 Scene 4 THE CONFESSION ON TV AND RADIO
At a press conference
Polly, his partner and a friendly lady politician are filmed heading along the street towards the press conference. Polly thinks to himself: “Wow the media are out in force and I see many of my friends amongst them.” The threesome now enter the building where the press conference is to be held.
Polly and his entourage are now ensconced and seated in front of a battery of cameras and microphones. Polly is being assisted and comforted between his two supporters. He appears ready to collapse. Polly begins his performance: “ I visited a jewelry display and pocketed a ring.” Polly then starts to sob and cry; his lady friend reaches over and caresses his neck. Polly thinks: “Oh that does feel good.” He then composes himself and begins speaking again. “I tried calling the FAS to take the ring back but nobody was available. I then called the police who thanked me for calling.” Polly begins to contort his face and grimace just like he had rehearsed at home. Breaks down in tears again and lays his head on his partner’s shoulder. His partner comforts Polly and whispers in his ear. Some of the media are now near tears and handkerchiefs are appearing in some places. Some supporters of Polly have even posted a message on their website saying: “They stand firmly behind” Polly. A cynical onlooker is heard to say: “This is the first time I’ve heard of a thief holding a press conference. Why is he not in jail? The cynic is escorted from the premises by the police and charged with disturbing the peace. Polly composes himself again. He says: “He is taking medical leave as he is one sick puppy” and thanks the media for their attention. He tells them he is unable to take questions and is assisted from the stage. The critics declare it a smash hit and Polly is nominated for the best one man show of the year award. He receives thousands of rings in the mail and from here on in is known as a RING a DING DING.
Stephen Gray
April 20, 2004.
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