By Stephen Gray
This is your Captain speaking: We shall not, I repeat not, abandon ship just yet.
I am calling all progressives, socialists, communists, marxists, queers and quacks to lend me your VOTES. The Corrupted Ship Liberaldoom (CSL) appears to be going down and we need all hands on deck to pump the man, oops, I mean man the pumps. We are in dangerous political waters and if we don’t get your help all will be lost. We fed you, financed you, gave you grants, satisfied your every immoral and corrupted whim and wish, now it is your turn to save the ship. Call your comrades and crackpots, tell them their urgent assistance is needed to bring our CSL ship back to its Home Port. The storm outside is gathering momentum and we could be swept overboard into its cleansing waters. Our bilge pumps are pumping to capacity but nobody wants our contaminated filth, except us. Are we a Ship of Fools or just a Ship of Ghouls? There are those on land who say we don’t have a ghost of a chance, but this is a nightmare! First Mate Buzzy is doing his best at the wheel, but he cannot do it all by himself. He has been on the radiophone all day calling for help. Did anyone hear his “mayday” “mayday” calling all socialists and blockheads in the area to come to our assistance? Is there anyone out there receiving his message? If so call our HQ and identify yourself. Just say you heard the “mayday” and you are answering the call of Buzzy.
Buzzy has been a tower of strength during this political storm that has come down upon us. He is here, there, and everywhere on the ship (he even gave me a big reassuring hug) trying to keep it on the right oops I mean the left course, but to no avail. I have given the crew a last issue of “beer and popcorn” in the hope that it will sustain them. But, we are all at sea and appear to be sinking fast but all the crew continue to man and woman their stations in the hope of a miracle.
I myself have been travelling from port to starboard, from fore to aft looking for a solution to our problem but to no avail. Now I am on the poop deck and it doesn’t smell to good from where I sit, oops I mean stand. I even used our map of The Sea of Rights: The Charter, to try and find a way out of this, but this was bad judgment on my part for it did not work in this political storm. Still some storms blow over, but this one seems to be worsening. Where will it all end? If need be, I will go down with the ship like a true captain. But I refuse to think negative. This is not a shipwreck just yet, but we are all wrecks aboard here. Help us! Please save us from the rocks of disappointment and despair. Throw us a lifeline of your VOTE. Give us your endorsement. Join our crew, then we can bring our CSL ship back to its home port where you can all live happily ever after on grants, tax dollars, pizza, mint gum, expense accounts, free holidays, freeloading and most of all you WILL be “entitled to your entitlements.” Over and out.
This SOS from Captain Pauly.
Stephen Gray
January 19, 2006.
graysinfo@yahoo.ca Website: http://www.oocities.org/graysinfo