By Stephen Gray
Recent Headline: “Clergy in Drive to Join Auto Union”
Could the unionized church have this kind of “ union
church service?”
The Church Service:
The Minister now a fully paid up member of the
Collective Automatic Workers Union (CAW) takes the
podium.
Minister: “Good Morning Brothers and Sisters in
Solidarity. Our first hymn this morning will be,
‘Solidarity for ever and ever Amen.’ Here to lead off
the singing will be Brother Basil from our own union,
the CAW.” The singing commences, and Brother Basil
suitably attired in his CAW robe and collar sings
lustily along with the congregation. The hymn ends and
all sit down. The Minister takes the podium and says:
“This mornings first reading is from the ‘Union Book
of Rules, CAW and Society.’ Here to read the first
lesson is Brother Basil. Brother Basil is on record as
saying: ‘I’m a socialist….I preach every day,
wherever I go.’ so it is nice to have a daily fellow
preacher with us.” Brother Basil bows to the Minister
and strides purposely - like all union bosses do- to
the Podium.
Brother Basil: “Brothers and Sisters in Solidarity, I
am proud to stand before you and with you this
morning, in this Church of the Union. The CAW society
is a compulsory society, compulsory to the extent that
your forced support makes a difference in the Church
of the CAW. We have a duty in our Church of the CAW to
always support those causes that the CAW deems
desirable. Some of these causes are abortion,
homosexuality, socialism and numerous special interest
groups of the CAW persuasion. Never in my wildest
prayers did I believe we would achieve what we have
achieved in the Church of the CAW. It just goes to
show that with millions in compulsory union dues
anything is possible. Is this a blessing or what?
Still, I would ask that you still hand the collection
plate around, money is always welcome. Now let us bow
our heads and pray that our Church of the CAW remains
always strong and safe in its tax free status. AMEN.”
The Minister now takes the podium and announces the
next hymn.
Minister: “The next hymn will be: ‘When the CAW goes
marching in, Alleluia, alleluia’ and here to lead us
off is Brother Kenny from our Church head office, the
Collective Labouring Church (CLC).”
Brother Kenny steps up to the podium, resplendent in
his CLC attire and freshly tinted beard. “Thank you
Sister Minister.” Brother Kenny leads off the singing
and all join in on this song of praise to the union
and the unionized church. The singing ends and Sister
Minister steps up to the podium.
Sister Minister: “Brother Kenny will now read the
second lesson called: ‘CLC and Duty in Society From
the Book of the Ruling.’”
Brother Kenny: “ Thank you Sister Minister, it gives
me great pleasure to visit our House of Union Worship.
It is a blessing to be in solidarity amongst those of
our union flock? That old saying: ‘birds of a feather
flock together’ never was more true than today. In
fact you birds in the union hands, are worth any two
in a bush.” Some laughter ensues and some amens are
heard.
Brother Kenny: “Duty is compulsory in the Union
church. Duty in the Union church is paying ones
compulsory union dues. Duty in the Union church is
ensuring leaders like myself, Brother Basil and Sister
Minister are adequately compensated for our hard work.
Duty in the Union church is making sure that we always
have funds for our agendas.” Brother Kenny’s voice is
now reaching a shriek and he pauses for effect and the
union congregation is catching the hysteria as well,
some are rolling in the aisles, others are screaming:
“Praise be to the Union forever and ever. Others are
shouting amen, amen. Some are screaming hallelujah,
hallelujah.” Brother Kenny continues speaking: “Duty
in the Union Church is soliciting funds for abortion
clinics which I am pleased to say I have done. One
must lead by example. But most of all duty in the
Union church is the duty to obey the union. For
without the Union church and its compulsory funding we
could not survive. Your Union Church needs you and
loves you, and what could be nicer than to be needed
and loved? I love you all, Brother Basil loves you
all, Sister Minister loves you all. So keep the union
faith and union blessings will enfold your church. Now
let us give thanks for our tax free status and our
compulsory funding from those forced to fund us.
AMEN.”
Brother Kenny bows to the assembled congregation and
leaves the podium.
Sister Minister now takes the podium and announces the
closing hymn will be: “ We will never be left in the
lurch for now we are The Unionized Church.”
Nov. 10, 2004.
graysinfo@yahoo.ca website
http://www.oocities.org/graysinfo
Some info on the Author: Stephen Gray is a writer and
researcher on various topics. He published a
newsletter for 11 years exposing the misuse of trade
union time and money.