Greatest Leaders Ever

Welcome to the home of the greatest compilation of world leaders ever. Please look through our work and marvel at its sheer magnificence. When you are finished being stunned, sign our guestbook to commemorate this experience.

Sign Guestbook View Guestbook
Counter visitors have graced this site with their presence.
So, without further ado...here is the list:

Otto von Bismark
"The pimp-daddy of Germany." Bismark called a conference in Berlin during which he singlehandedly destroyed a treaty between the Russian and Ottoman Empires and replaced it with one of his own liking, which the Russians and Ottomans were forced to accept (because he's the man).

Aaron Burr
Burr is the greatest man in American History. Not only was he nearly president of the USA, but he twice tried to effect separations of pieces of American territory to create small, independent nations under his august leadership. He got away with all of it, went to Europe and married a twenty-year-old hottie. Plus, he "capped" Alexander Hamilton and consequently was the only vice-president convicted of murder, and yet he never went to jail.

(we think this is a picture of him)
Charles XII
The poster child for "rape and pillage." Charles XII never actually spent his reign in Sweden; instead, he led his armies across Europe, through the vast wastes of Poland slaughtering villagers, burning towns, and killing Russian people. He brought animals into his abode and slaughtered them with his own hands just for his own amusement.

Chiang Kai-Shek
A true model of determination, he led nationalist China to defeat against numerous garbage opponents, including Japan and the Communist Chinese. Chiang never gave up, though, and after being kicked out of China he took his followers to the island of Taiwan to create their own country, which he creatively named "The Republic of China." Chiang also had only one testicle, considered in Asian countries to be the mark of greatness, similar to the third nipple.

Franz Josef
The longest living European ruler, he controlled the mighty Austrian Empire through over fifty years of mediocre stagnation. Franz Josef led Austria through a record losing streak in war, in fact, he never won anything. He needed Russian help to keep control of his pitiful nation. According to legend, Franz Josef was so incompetent because he fossilized on the throne.

Henry VIII
The original Fat Bastard. Henry VIII was a marvelous player who had eight wives, but the pope caught on to his game. When Henry found out he couldn't divorce his wife because the Catholic pope banned it, Henry made himself head of the Church of England. Eventually, Henry found divorce was too slow and boring, so he just executed his later wives. Henry rarely had children, despite his many women, because he made sure to utilize the French- developed "pulling out" technique.

Admiral Kolchak
Kolchak is one of many leaders in the historic Russian tradition of low quality. During the Russian revolution, Kolchak developed an alternative to Communism best translated as "I run whole country." Although he later died, unsuccessful, he will always be remembered for being the ruler of Siberia when the Russians said, "we'll pay you to take it!"

Emperor Mutsuhito
Mutsuhito, emperor of Japan, reigned during the period called "Meiji," named after himself. His ego nearly consumed Tokyo; it could be the basis for the fictional creature Godzilla. His crowning achievment was popuarizing the cult of Shinto, or Mutsuhito worship.

Napoleon III
The quality leadership of Napoleon III inspired this compendium. Only a true genius could get the entire nation of France to elect a random British policeman (namely Napoleon III) as president. Napoleon III then immediately proceeded to declare the Empire. He was wildly popular and in fact only lost his throne because he decided to fight a war, something he knew even less about than being Emperor.

Prince of Parma
This marveolus Spaniard managed to keep Belgium under Spanish control by giving them "constructive criticism" (more popularly known as massive slaughter). Parma then turned Belgium into a massive stronghold for the Spanish Armada to launch at England from. Unfortunately, Parma's plan was undermined by the very fact that he was trying to do something important using Spain and Belgium, two black holes of quality for thousands of years. (Belgium's greatest accomplishment is a statue of a small boy urinating in a corner)

Pope Pius IX
Pio Nono in Italian, Pius IX had a genius for rejecting any constructive idea. He declared himsef infallible in 1870, thus making Pius IX the pinnacle of papal leadership. Pius IX also gave a preemptory shh to anyone who disagreed with him by making himself ruler of Vatican City.

William III of Orange
The Dutch envied the fact that Louis XIV was king of France and all the Dutch has was the Hoogendemoogende. William of Orange offered his services as king, and he proceeded to embarrass the French, who couldn't fight well with powdered wigs and high-heeled shoes. He then became king of England , where he proceeded to accomplish absolutely nothing.

	Otto von Bismark "The pimp-daddy of Germany." Bismark called a conference in Berlin during which he singlehandedly destroyed a treaty between the Russian and Ottoman Empires and replaced it with one of his own liking, which the Russians and Ottomans were forced to accept (because he's the man).
	Aaron Burr Burr is the greatest man in American History. Not only was he nearly president of the USA, but he twice tried to effect separations of pieces of American territory to create small, independent nations under his august leadership. He got away with all of it, went to Europe and married a twenty-year-old hottie. Plus, he "capped" Alexander Hamilton and consequently was the only vice-president convicted of murder, and yet he never went to jail.
(we think this is a picture of him)	Charles XII The poster child for "rape and pillage." Charles XII never actually spent his reign in Sweden; instead, he led his armies across Europe, through the vast wastes of Poland slaughtering villagers, burning towns, and killing Russian people. He brought animals into his abode and slaughtered them with his own hands just for his own amusement.
	Chiang Kai-Shek A true model of determination, he led nationalist China to defeat against numerous garbage opponents, including Japan and the Communist Chinese. Chiang never gave up, though, and after being kicked out of China he took his followers to the island of Taiwan to create their own country, which he creatively named "The Republic of China." Chiang also had only one testicle, considered in Asian countries to be the mark of greatness, similar to the third nipple.
	Franz Josef The longest living European ruler, he controlled the mighty Austrian Empire through over fifty years of mediocre stagnation. Franz Josef led Austria through a record losing streak in war, in fact, he never won anything. He needed Russian help to keep control of his pitiful nation. According to legend, Franz Josef was so incompetent because he fossilized on the throne.
	Henry VIII The original Fat Bastard. Henry VIII was a marvelous player who had eight wives, but the pope caught on to his game. When Henry found out he couldn't divorce his wife because the Catholic pope banned it, Henry made himself head of the Church of England. Eventually, Henry found divorce was too slow and boring, so he just executed his later wives. Henry rarely had children, despite his many women, because he made sure to utilize the French- developed "pulling out" technique.
	Admiral Kolchak Kolchak is one of many leaders in the historic Russian tradition of low quality. During the Russian revolution, Kolchak developed an alternative to Communism best translated as "I run whole country." Although he later died, unsuccessful, he will always be remembered for being the ruler of Siberia when the Russians said, "we'll pay you to take it!"
	Emperor Mutsuhito Mutsuhito, emperor of Japan, reigned during the period called "Meiji," named after himself. His ego nearly consumed Tokyo; it could be the basis for the fictional creature Godzilla. His crowning achievment was popuarizing the cult of Shinto, or Mutsuhito worship.
	Napoleon III The quality leadership of Napoleon III inspired this compendium. Only a true genius could get the entire nation of France to elect a random British policeman (namely Napoleon III) as president. Napoleon III then immediately proceeded to declare the Empire. He was wildly popular and in fact only lost his throne because he decided to fight a war, something he knew even less about than being Emperor.
	Prince of Parma This marveolus Spaniard managed to keep Belgium under Spanish control by giving them "constructive criticism" (more popularly known as massive slaughter). Parma then turned Belgium into a massive stronghold for the Spanish Armada to launch at England from. Unfortunately, Parma's plan was undermined by the very fact that he was trying to do something important using Spain and Belgium, two black holes of quality for thousands of years. (Belgium's greatest accomplishment is a statue of a small boy urinating in a corner)
	Pope Pius IX Pio Nono in Italian, Pius IX had a genius for rejecting any constructive idea. He declared himsef infallible in 1870, thus making Pius IX the pinnacle of papal leadership. Pius IX also gave a preemptory shh to anyone who disagreed with him by making himself ruler of Vatican City.
	William III of Orange The Dutch envied the fact that Louis XIV was king of France and all the Dutch has was the Hoogendemoogende. William of Orange offered his services as king, and he proceeded to embarrass the French, who couldn't fight well with powdered wigs and high-heeled shoes. He then became king of England , where he proceeded to accomplish absolutely nothing.