Shut
Up In a Jar (to the tune of “Swinging on a Star” by Bing Crosby)
Would
you like to be in a jar
You’d
be much worse off than you are
You
could be trapped inside a jar
Or
would you rather be a dog?
A
dog is an animal that’s loyal and brave
And
chows down on rats and lives in caves.
He’s
quick and playful and he seldom bites
But
prone to mood swings, and he gets in fights
But
if you just like to bully and to tease
You
may become a dog with fleas
Or
you could be shut in a jar
Because
you bugged the kid with the scar
And
you went a little too far
You
could be shut up in a jar.
Or
would you rather be a rat?
A
rat is an animal that sells out his friends
And
then begs and pleads to make amends
His
tail is wormy and his tongue is too
He’s
sycophantic and applauds on cue
If
you’re a squeaky and sneaky little brat
You
may turn out to be a rat.
Or
you could be caught in a jar
Entrapped
by Hogwarts’ scholastic star
You
could be smaller than you are
You
could be trapped inside a jar.
Or
would you rather be a stag?
A
stag is a deer you know that runs through the trees
He
goes where he wants with speed and ease
He’s
swift and graceful and as quick as light
And
often seen abroad on moonlit nights
But
if your head’s too big to get through the front door
Antlers
impede you even more.
Or
you could wind up under a lid
With
holes poked in it by some darn kid
Because
of something she says you did
Or
would you rather be a cat?
A
cat is an animal that slinks through the books
And
shows up in sundry streets and nooks
They
come and go without an explanation
Are
they just felines or transfigurations?
But
if you can’t read a street sign or a map
You
won’t turn out to be a cat.
Animagi
that aren’t on the list
There’s a gap as big as your fist
And
the Ministry’s getting dissed
There
may be others out there as well
Who could be sitting in a cell…