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Mothers & More in the news....

Mothers' ingenuity prevented Isabel from canceling conference
Wednesday, October 22, 2003

By Patricia Harrison

When Hurricane Isabel ravaged the East Coast last month, it scored a direct hit on Charleston — not geographically but logistically. In addition to the scores of tourists who called off their visits, a number of conventions and conferences were canceled when the hurricane threatened to strike the Southeast.
Few people could have been as disappointed as the 160 mothers from more than 20 states who had planned to attend the national conference of Mothers & More, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting mothers in their roles as parents and individuals. But the ingenuity, flexibility and resourcefulness that characterized the conference volunteers' response to the cancellation would have made their own mothers proud.

The original conference plans included three days of workshops, lectures and discussions, all designed to support women in their personal and professional growth. For many women, however, the conference also represented a much-needed break from their families: a chance to relax, sleep in and enjoy meals they didn't have to cook.

But the week before the conference, Isabel began gathering strength in the Atlantic Ocean and appeared to be heading for Charleston. Speakers and workshop leaders began to cancel their engagements. Four days before the conference was to begin, Illinois-based Mothers & More decided to cancel the conference entirely, primarily because most of the speakers and attendees were from the East Coast and in the projected path of the hurricane. As conference co-chair Lori Collins explained, "We didn't want to put people in the position of having to decide whether they could leave their families."

The cancellation was a great disappointment to the dozens of Charleston volunteers who had planned the conference for months. Deborah Otap, the other conference co-chair, remarked ruefully that "we spent one year putting it together, one day tearing it apart."

When it became apparent that Isabel was heading north, Collins and Otap rallied their troops and offered a "weekend getaway" for all mothers who could still come to Charleston. In just two days, working around the clock, they prepared a whole new program. In the end, approximately 60 people from 15 states managed to attend.

As a conference attendee, I knew little about the behind-the-scenes work that had taken place. Instead what I saw was a well-organized "mini-conference" that maximized the resources still available to offer a range of workshops, lectures and discussions on topics of interest to both new and seasoned moms. In addition, the organizers had set up local tours and even a scavenger hunt that led participants through the historic city.

The co-chairs chose to see new opportunities in the changed plans. "At first we were sad when we realized we weren't going to have the impact that we wanted," Collins said. "But since the conference ended up being more intimate, participants actually got to know each other a lot better."

The organization's executive director Joanne Brundage pointed out that just gathering together such a diverse group was inspiring: "When people are coming from so many different states, you get the sense that it's not just a local cause but a purpose shared across the country."

Despite its revised status as a "weekend getaway," the conference reflected a seriousness of purpose in participants' conversations. Mothers & More is comprised of women who have "sequenced" their careers in order to care for children, moving between paid, unpaid and part-time job opportunities at various times to respond to the needs of their families. Most members are well educated; many have left professional jobs or downsized their careers.

Thus mothers at the conference discussed issues such as forging a sense of identity separate from that of "mom," maintaining professional skills and making the transition back into the paid work force.

Other workshops focused on advocacy: how to encourage the development of family-friendly policies in government and the workplace. Mothers who sequence their careers often sacrifice higher salaries and receive fewer opportunities for career advancement; they receive no Social Security credit for their years of caregiving. If our society truly values families and children, we need better policies for the caregivers.

Overall, the way in which the Mothers & More conference was reorganized reflects the nature of its members. Sequencing women are experienced at adapting, changing or revising their plans to accommodate their circumstances.

Hurricanes hardly ever happen. But mothers reap the consequences of public policy decisions in their daily lives. Mothers should be rewarded, not punished, for the choices they make for their families.

Dr. Patricia Marby Harrison is a freelance writer and editor who lives in Easley (and Greenville Mothers & More member).

More details
For information on the local chapter of Mothers & More, call 233-5646 or email greenvillemothersandmore@yahoo.com

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New group will help moms adjust to stay-at-home role
Posted Monday, May 5, 2003 - 2:28 am

By Kathy Spencer-Mention
STAFF WRITER
kmention@greenvillenews.com

Lisa Colby made a tough decision when she and her husband, Erik Anderson, moved from Providence, R.I., to Greenville in 2001. She chose not to seek outside employment so she could stay home with their son, Owen, who's now 2. It was a decision Colby didn't take lightly. But what she thought might provide a sense of calm evoked a hailstorm of emotions.

"You feel a little bit of a sense of failure, like you're letting someone down," the 34-year-old mom said. "I have a lot of conflicting feelings.

"When I have a bad day, I feel guilty for even complaining because I feel so fortunate that I am one of the few women that can actually stay home full time; I can afford that luxury."

Now she hopes to encourage others who are dealing with the complexities of motherhood through a group for "sequencing" moms, women who alter their career paths to stay home with children.

Together she and Sarah Hunt-Barron, 31, another newcomer to Greenville, are working to start a local chapter of Mothers & More, a national nonprofit organization that works to improve the lives of mothers through support, education and advocacy.

The group's first meeting will be held at 7 p.m. May 12 at St. James Episcopal Church. Nilly Barr, a licensed professional counselor, will speak on "Caring for Yourself While You're Caring for Everyone Else."

In the not-so-distant past, mothers found needed support and encouragement while tending wounded knees at parks, blotting spaghetti sauce off T-shirts at PTA dinners, and cheering in the stands at ballgames. Helpful advice was only a whisper away in extended family, neighbors and friends.

But communities are more complex today and families more transient, said Barr, of Greenville. And the need for organized support groups for moms is great.

U.S. Census reports show that between 1999 and 2000, fewer mothers returned to work in the first year of their child's life. That number was down to 55 percent from 59 percent in 1998.

Nicole Mathis of Greer said it took her nearly four years to come to terms with her decision to be a stay-at-home mom. At the time she quit work, she didn't have family nearby and didn't join a support group.

"After three or four years there was no more resentment, no more secretly wishing that I could go back to work full time and that kind of thing," Mathis said.

During her career, Mathis had worked as a designer for a children's wear company in Philadelphia and for a golf apparel company in California.

"After I had the third child, I knew for me and what kind of family unit my husband and I wanted, and what kind of mother I wanted to be, I couldn't do both," said Mathis, 39.

Ultimately, she found balance in caring for her children and starting her own at-home design business, Nor-De-Tre.

Barr said historically women have been viewed as the glue in families. "And over time our needs have been at the bottom of the list. And one of the things that we are getting more in touch with is the fact that if the glue is not able to tend to its needs, then society suffers, the family suffers, the community suffers," she said.

Moreover in today's society, many working mothers are having to make those really tough child-rearing decisions, deal with weighty issues, in the absence of the strong support networks of old, Barr said.

Organized support groups are helping women feel good about their decisions, easing the transition and providing quick access to other women, Hunt-Barron said.

Mother of a toddler and infant, Hunt-Barron designs Web pages for Muhlenburg College in Allentown, Pa., from her home in Greenville. She gave up a full-time position as assistant to the president at the college after her first child was born.

Yet she had slipped in and out of several full-time positions before comfortably setting on a part-time job.

It just seemed to make sense, said Hunt-Barron, who moved from Allentown to Greenville last year when her husband took a job at Furman University. Her 2-year-old, Henry, spends a few days a week at day care while she cares for 6-week-old Elliot and works on upgrades for the Pennsylvania college's Web site.

Her own experiences in trying to find a support network prompted her to work together with Colby to start the local chapter of Mothers & More.

The average Mothers & More member is 34, with two children and a college degree. Most of the mothers have left a full-time job to be home with children, according to information on the group's national Web site. Another 9 percent reduced their workload to part time with more than 50 percent altering their career path before the birth of their first child.

"For my generation of women of a certain level of education, this was not what you were told you were going to do," Colby said. "I was going to revolutionize the world. I was going to be in that corporate board room, a lawyer, a doctor, a professional woman making a lot of money."

But having a child changed her, she said.

"For a while, I thought I was going to go and find part-time work until I went on a couple of interviews and realized something about having a child changed me. I don't think I could work for anyone anymore," Colby said. "I work for my son."

Support groups like Mothers & More, Colby said, also teach women "how to manage the highs and lows" of that child-rearing decision.

"The general idea," Colby said, "is to make new friendships. There is a sort of an affinity that develops where you feel like you've found the right group, the right match of people."

The new group will plan outings, speakers, play groups, book clubs and other activities for members.

Colby and Hunt-Barron heard about Mothers & More from Patricia Harrison of Easley, who had joined the national group to connect with other sequencing mothers.

"Just to read the newsletter, and to know that there are other intelligent, like-minded women out there who haven't sold themselves short ... was really encouraging," Harrison said.

A mother of one, the 34-year-old Harrison left a non-tenured university professorship because part-time positions were not available. "It was frustrating. It would be a huge cut in pay for an enormous number of hours. It just wasn't worth it."

Since then, Harrison has volunteered in the community and done freelance work.

"I do feel like it makes the most sense for our family. It means that things are a little less crazy than if we had both been working full time." But coming to terms with the decision "was quite a struggle," Harrison said.

Barr understands.

After becoming a mom, she chose to work part time as a licensed professional counselor. "There have been times when I've looked at it and I've thought, 'Well, my career could be a lot more ahead of where it is if I had not made that choice,'" she said.

"It's not a one-point decision," she said. "I've had to re-decide that in my career. But every time, I've come to the same decision being the right one for me."

View with photos at : http://greenvilleonline.com/news/2003/05/05/200305055856.htm

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Press Releases...

Mothers & More Chapter starts in Greenville!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT
Lisa Colby, Co-Leader, Greenville Chapter of Mothers & More
864-233-5646

Mothers & More Celebrates Mother's Day By Welcoming Newest Chapter In Greenville

Greenville, SC -- April 23, 2003 -- Greenville moms can give themselves a Mother's Day gift this year: year-long support, respect, intellectual stimulation and friendship. A local chapter of Mothers & More is starting up in Greenville, with its first meeting on Monday, May 12 at 7 pm at St. James Episcopal Church in Greenville. Speaker Nilly Barr, a licensed professional counselor, will address the topic of "Caring for Yourself While Caring for Everyone Else."

"Flowers and candy are nice, but mothers need more than one day of support and recognition a year," says Lisa Colby, co-leader of the Greenville Chapter of Mothers & More, a national non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of mothers through support, education and advocacy. "The Greenville chapter will offer evening meetings without children, focused on topical discussions relating to mothers' lives as women, parents and individuals, as well as such activities as Moms' Nights Out, playgroups, family events and more." The Greenville Chapter is also participating in the National Mother's Day Campaign, "Making Mothers Count," which seeks to make mothers' unpaid caregiving work visible to the world as a vital contribution to our society.

The Greenville chapter is extending an invitation to all mothers this Mother's Day to join Mothers & More, an international not-for-profit organization supporting sequencing women -- mothers who have altered their career paths to care for their children at home. Mothers & More provides a chance for these women to establish friendships by meeting other sequencing mothers. Mothers & More offers members national and local benefits. National benefits include a nationwide chapter network, unique publications, online services, conferences, leadership opportunities and more.

Mothers & More has been addressing women's personal needs and interests during their active parenting years since 1987. With more than 175 chapters and nearly 8000 members, the organization advocates for public and employment policies that accommodate sequencing.

The first meeting of the new Greenville Chapter will be held on May 12, 7:00-8:30 pm at St. James Episcopal Church, 301 Piney Mountain Road, Greenville. Visitors are welcome to attend and are under no obligation to join.

ADDITIONAL CONTACT INFORMATION
Greenville Chapter Co-leader Lisa Colby
864-233-5646
www.oocities.org/greenvillemothersandmore

Mothers & More National Headquarters
P.O. Box 31, Elmhurst, IL 60126
630-941-3553
www.mothersandmore.org