Year2003 January February March April May  

-may is coming to an end soon-

posted by Peaceful Juan on Monday May 26 2003 @ 0048

-fragrance of 'seashore' oil in my air condditioned room-

-lit candle brightens up the room-

-Valleys in life. David walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. He came out strong. He praised Him in the midst of the darkest times. -

-God did not leave him. God has not left mee either. And in the midst of all the tribulations, the choice is mine. To be discouraged or to praise Him. For a greater work in my life. or prepare me for that turning point in my life again. -

-Mind playing. Emotions raging. Heart feeliing. Soul longing. Which is the most truthful?-

-I hate that side of him-

posted by Upset Juan on Wednesday May 21 2003@ 0125

A game of WARCRAFT. i heard abuses from him. He is such an impatient person. In moments like this, I wonder what kind of person i am with. I am lousy i know. But if u are good, lead me. instead of shouting at me. So much as a leader, u suck. Big Time. A leader brings the whole group with him. DID U?

Went to school to scan some pictures. Urgent assignment. To complete the video for STAGEIT'S Sing to the Dawn. Hope everyting goes well. the pictures are not enough. and they are not powerful enough to speak a thousand words.

iris and xingrou both told me that if they didnt read this blog, they would not have known that i have gone through things. haha, but i am glad that they r reading finally!

i miss our group. we havent been communicating much, except me and jodan. we must get back together again.

"a good friend stabs you in the front."

-New layout-

posted by Juan on Thursday May 15 2003@ 0150

do you like the new layout? I love that picture. I have never seen such a nice angle of me before. Probably due to the reason that i have never tried studio photo taking before. Rosa had my first studio picture taken. Isn't it nice? Those who know me might go "wow" rite? hahaha..:) Coz i have never been prettier. haha...opps.

Due to some misfortunate incidents at home, I guess i have quiet down too much, for my CS project and SMUSAIC stuff. But the continuous scares have kinda of drained me. My energy. My emotions. Gonna put everything into God's Hands and that I believe He is working on his ways.

A 12 year old boy committed suicide. He left a will. Why are so many people choosing to end  their lives just like that? Is life so unprecious? Is life so intolerable? Living in stress is never as bad as living in fear. Break free from your burdens and relax. For life holds much more than just materialistic stuff. To die because someone made u angry? To die because you have made one mistake? To die because you feel guilty? Urban population should start to learn to breathe in and, appreciate the greenness behind the buildings. and that includes you and me.

-to paddle or to float?-

posted by Thinking Juan on Monday May 05 2003 @ 2335

My dear friend, Chelle, shared this 'parable' from her friend. right now, i am on this boat. Flowing down this river where you not sure it leads you to. I can choose to lie down and let the river current bring me to wherever it goes. OR, paddle hard, with my own hands, and go towards the direction of the pot of gold i want. The paddling needs my energy and demands a lot from me. On the other hand, the lying down on the boat is effortless. Drawing a parallel to my relationship now, should i continue to float wherever the river brings me to, or starts to sit up and paddle to search for the pot of gold which i have always wanted in life. I am confused. I am scared.

Do i love myself enough, to let others love me? Do i? Have i?

They say the person you love most in this lifetime, will not be the person you will end up with in life. Is that true?

I lost myself. I stopped loving myself after i left church. I start to put my love in other places which i thought they could make me happy. Am I on the right track?

The river runs deep. But, if i do not paddle, i might just fall into a waterfall and die. And never never never, get to the pot of gold which i have always wanted. What do You want?