| PARTS 16-17 |
PART SIXTEEN Maria glanced across the waiting room to watch Max for a moment. He’d thanked them profusely for finding Alex, and only paused briefly to stare at Alex’s still soaked shirt. It was unspoken between her and Michael that no one needed to know he’d stopped at the service station and pulled Alex out of the car to throw two cold glasses of water in his face - the stunt had worked, Alex was now surprisingly sober, and currently inside the delivery room with his wife. Max seemed a little lost, his father was in the cafeteria getting coffee for everyone, and his mother was with Isabel. Maria wondered for the first time that night where Liz was. Suddenly, Alex came bursting out of the doors to the closed off part of the hall with a huge smile on his face. She sat forward slightly, waiting for the news. “A girl,” Alex sputtered as he stopped in front of them, “a baby girl.” Maria felt Michael stirring next to her, and glanced over to see that he’d opened his eyes, and was now staring groggily at Alex. Max was hugging Alex awkwardly, and asking about Isabel. Maria turned to Michael again, he was staring up at the ceiling. She glanced at her watch it was nearly six in the morning. “Do you want to go?” she asked him quietly. He’d wanted to stay before, after they’d brought Alex in, he’d told her he could run her home, but she’d refused. “I guess we could wait, to see her,” he said as he sat forward and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “if it’s ok with you.” “Yeah, it’s fine with me,” she said. He nodded, and sat back again. About an hour later, a nurse came to tell Max he could see Isabel, and then a few minutes after that, he’d come back to tell Michael he could sneak in to see her. “Ok,” Michael had answered, hesitantly moving to his feet. Something had propelled her to her feet as well, and she had a feeling it was the hard set of his jaw as he prepared himself to enter the room. “Can I sneak in with him?” she asked Max. Max had nodded, smiling as he pointed to the mobile phone, which was now pressed firmly to his ear. He was apparently still calling relatives. Michael glanced back at her, then started walking. She followed closely behind. Isabel managed to look beautiful even when she looked sweaty and tired as she laid back in her hospital bed with a soft smile on her face. Maria’s eyes traveled to Alex who was holding his tiny daughter in the chair next to the bed. He was completely absorbed in the baby, barely giving them a glance. “Hey,” Michael greeted the new mother as he walked to her bedside. Maria hung back a little, feeling like an intruder. Looking at the new family, it occurred to her that this picture could very well have been her and Michael. Together, but not, stuck with each other. “Thank you for bringing him,” Isabel said with a tired smile as she looked up at Michael and nodded her head in Alex’s direction. “Yeah, sure,” Michael shrugged. Maria didn’t miss the look that Alex shot in Michael’s direction, there was gratitude in the new father’s eyes as well. “Thank you, too,” Isabel looked over in her direction. Smiling, Maria crossed her arms, suddenly feeling more uncomfortable at being singled out, “Yeah, no problem.” Michael had turned away from Isabel and was staring at her strangely. “We should probably go,” Michael said after a moment of silence. “Don’t you want to hold the baby?” Isabel asked him. Maria watched as Michael forced himself to look at the baby. She realized that he hadn’t looked at the infant before this point. Several emotions seemed to sweep across his face at once. “I-I can’t,” he said after a moment shaking his head, “I don’t really know how or anything.” “No, it’s easy,” Isabel protested as Alex glanced up to look back and forth between his wife and Michael. He didn’t seem thrilled at the prospect of handing his baby over to the other man. “We should really be going,” Maria stepped forward and said without really thinking. Alex glanced at her briefly before letting his eyes drift back to his daughter, Isabel smiled politely at her, and Michael gave her a look that she didn’t bother to interpret. *** He didn’t protest when she took the keys, even though he knew she had to be more tired than he was, she hadn’t slept at all. “I’m glad everything turned out all right,” she said as her fingers gripped the wheel tightly and she squinted in the morning sunlight. “Yeah,” he answered. “Was it just me, or did it seem like they might have a shot?” Running a hand through his hair, he nodded in agreement, “I guess they might.” “I just want you to know,” she began with her voice low, “I think it was really great of you to do all of this for her. She’s your ex, and well, I guess a lot of people wouldn’t.” Shrugging, he looked out the window. He had a feeling that was supposed to be a compliment, but he had no idea how to respond to it. “It’s nothin’,” was all he could think to say. “No, it was,” she insisted. “I know it was hard for you, being there and everything. I had no idea what had happened between you two…” she let her voice trail off. This was not something he wanted to talk about, so he stared out the side window and hoped she’d just stop talking. “What was it like?” she asked softly. “What was ‘what’ like?” he asked, although he had a feeling he knew where she was going. “You know, seeing her there…like that,” her voice was low. He had no idea how to respond to that. What was he supposed to say? That when he walked into that hospital room he didn’t feel anything? That the first real thought he’d had about the whole scene had been about her? “It’s over,” he said simply. “There’s nothing there.” Glancing in her direction he saw that her brow was furrowed at his answer. She was breathing strangely, and he wondered if maybe she was more nervous than he was about this topic. Then why was she pushing it? “But,” she licked her lips and took a deep breath, “you always seem so affected by her. Every time you’re with her, you get this look on your face…and, just now in the room, you looked – I don’t know…” So, she was worried about him again. It was her way, she cared, maybe it was in spite of herself, but she cared. Something made him want to tell her, made him wish he could say what he was thinking. “There was always this picture,” he sat up straight, and worked to keep his voice even. “A picture in my mind, sort of a future picture – and it was always her. Always, for as long as I can remember. Then, at the wedding…at the wedding, I don’t know. It was just over, the picture is gone. Totally, completely gone. What we had, it was never that – not really…I just didn’t have anything else to imagine.” As soon as he was done speaking, he felt stupid. He wasn’t good with words, and he knew he’d completely botched it. Could he blame it on a lack of sleep? “I didn’t mean to pry,” she said. “Yeah,” was all he could say. She probably thought he was defective now. Well, he was defective, so she wouldn’t really be wrong. He was surprised when he found her driving to his place and not hers. When they pulled to a stop outside, he turned to look at her. She was staring straight ahead, blinking slowly. Without a word, he got out of the car and went to the entrance of his building, and waited there for her. After a few seconds, she joined him there. He reached down and took the keys from her hand, then went inside to unlock the door. *** Maria wasn’t really sure what to do. She couldn’t take his car, and she didn’t really feel like spending an hour riding buses to get back to her place. He wouldn’t mind if she just stayed there, she knew, so she decided to do it without really saying anything. Michael let them in, then immediately went to the kitchen to get himself a bottle of water out of the fridge. He came back with one for her too, and handed it to her. She looked at it for a moment, and then up at him. How did he know she was thirsty? He turned and walked up the stairs and entered his room without a word. From below, she saw him beginning to strip as he walked around the room. Not really stopping to think, she simply mounted the stairs and walked up. When she got to his door, he was already wearing his pajama bottoms and was pulling on a clean t-shirt. He glanced her way, then tossed her a t-shirt and a pair of boxers he’d set on the top of his dresser. Staring at the clothes, she paused for a moment, then looked up to see him climb into his bed. He looked at her for a moment, deeply, intently. She couldn’t really handle it, so she turned away and went into the bathroom to change. Alternately taking sips of water and stripping off items of clothing in front of the bathroom mirror, she contemplated what to do next. There was a bedroom up the next flight of stairs she knew, she’d stayed in it before. A voice in the back of her head told her that was probably the best place for her to go, but she felt something tugging her in the direction of his bedroom, or more specifically in the direction of his bed, or even more specifically than that in the direction of his arms. As she exited the bathroom, thoughts of another course of action left her mind as she walked into his room and slipped under the covers beside him. He turned to look at her as she punched the pillow to make it fit her neck better. That look that he had, intense, searching, knowing. There was something about his looks that made her think he knew her inside and out. She gave him a little smile and closed her eyes. *** He wasn’t surprised to find her in his arms when he woke. Somehow, he had pulled her up against him, spooning her while they slept. His nose was buried in her hair, and he took several deep breaths to fill himself with her smell before she woke and ran away from him. It seemed that she’d heard his thoughts, because almost immediately after he had them, he felt her jolt awake, and felt her stiffen. “Hey,” his voice was gravely as he spoke his greeting into her hair. She tensed when he spoke, and almost immediately twisted around in his arms so that she was facing him. “Hey,” she whispered back as she looked at him God, he wanted her. Wanted to remove the little bits of cotton that were separating them and make her his. The late afternoon sun was casting lazy shadows on her face through the blinds, and he wanted to kiss her more than he ever had before. It was only a moment before he had pressed his lips against hers. She started to protest, started to push him away, but in seconds, her hands had buried themselves in his hair, and her mouth had opened to him. So long, so long since he’d had her in his arms like this. Too long, too, too long… “ Michael,” she whispered as he pulled out of her kiss to move his lips to her chin, her throat, the side of her neck. “Mmm…” he moaned into her skin as he tasted her, letting his lips, his tongue, his teeth nip and kiss at her soft flesh. It was happening again. She was in his bed, she was his for the moment, but it wouldn’t last, that much he knew. Even knowing the eventual result couldn’t stop him as he kissed her lips again, pulling her bottom lip into his mouth, catching it with his teeth. Her shirt was suddenly gone, then his, her boxers, then his pants… Somehow he managed to avoid the thoughts until he was laying on top of her, with one of her perfect nipples in his mouth, biting and sucking until she begged for mercy. He looked up into her face, and was overcome by what he saw there. Moving up ‘til his eyes were mere centimeters from her own, he studied her face. The look was back, that look that told him exactly what she thought about him, exactly what she felt for him. He never thought he’d see it again, and it brought reality crashing back. Shaking his head, he started to back away from her. He couldn’t do it again, couldn’t let himself be inside her, couldn’t let her make him feel those things that only she could. She’d leave when it was over, leave and probably never come back again. “Michael?” her voice sounded small as her hands gripped his arms when he started to move away. “I can’t,” he said simply. “I can’t do this again.” Her chin quivered, and her eyes narrowed, “You don’t want me?” He wasn’t sure if it was the tone of her voice, or the look on her face, but she shattered every rational thought he had. His lips came crashing back to hers. Want her? Want her? Did he want her? His hands slid behind her back and he pulled her up to him, crushing her body against his. There was no way to get enough of her, he’d never ever get enough. One of his hands found her panties and tugged them down quickly as he laid her back on the bed. She moaned when he pulled away to reach for his nightstand drawer, trying to blindly find one of the condom packages he knew was in there. “It’s ok,” she whispered, pressing her lips to his jaw and pulling on his shoulders with her hands, “don’t worry about it.” He didn’t know what she meant, if she was on something now, or if she was willing to risk it – frankly, he couldn’t care less. His boxers were gone in the blink of an eye, and her eyes were half closed as she tried to pull him into her when he pulled her legs up and moved himself to her entrance, moving himself back and forth there, teasing her. “Want you?” he hissed as she dug her nails into his back, trying to pull him inside her. “ Want you?” he repeated as he took a breath and plunged into her, making her back arch, bringing a cry of pleasure from deep in her throat. “Do I want you?” he asked her quietly as he pulled himself out completely, then buried himself in her again. She was moaning, the sounds didn’t stop spilling over her lips as her eyes were closed, and her head was thrown back. Here, she was his, in his arms, when he was inside her, she was his – only his. He took it slow. Slow, and deep, and hard. It had to last, somewhere in his mind, he knew it wouldn’t happen again. His pace was slow, and his rhythm was uneven, to give himself more time, to prolong it. Over and over, he would pull all of the way out of her, waiting until she begged him, waiting until she opened her eyes and gave him the look, then he would thrust into her, and continue for a bit before starting the torture over again. Maybe this way, if he made it long enough, if he made it desperate enough she’d never forget him. Forever, no matter how far away she got, she’d have this memory with her. If he could bury himself deep enough inside her, maybe he could make sure she’d carry him with her forever. There had to be some way to do to her what she’d done to him, there had to be some way to make her think she’d never be able to breathe without him. *** She was dying. He was killing her, slowly, but surely killing her. There was so much pleasure, she felt like she was in a haze. When she opened her eyes, all she could see was him as he stared back at her, making her feel weak. It felt so good when he was moving inside her, it was the most exquisite torture. “Michael,” she moaned as he pulled out again. Her hands went to his shoulders, she pulled until her nails bit into his flesh, her legs wrapped around him, trying to force him back inside. Why was he doing this? Why oh why…? Finally she opened her eyes, wondering if he was actually really there or if she’d dreamed him. There he was, looking god-like as a drop of sweat slid down from his forehead to his chin. As she looked at him, he entered her again, hard and swift, and she had to bite back the scream of pleasure that wanted to rip it’s way out of her mouth. All she could do was groan when the orgasm that had been building for what seemed like hours finally rippled through her core, spreading a warm heat throughout her body. It wasn’t over yet, though, he just kept going, continued it until she came again. *** Michael was at the end of his rope, he nearly lost it when she came the second time. Never in his life had he seen anything like it – it was almost as though once he got her started she wouldn’t stop. Her voice was growing hoarse from over use, and his shoulders and legs were starting to ache. “Maria,” he whispered as he met her lips with his own and began to thrust steadily in and out of her. He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed release, it had to end. Now, he was grinding himself into her with every stroke, wanting to bring her with him. “ Michael,” her voice intoned, making his name something between a prayer and a curse as her inner muscles began to flutter around him, her back arched as she came again. That was all it took, his name on her lips one last time, the feeling of her orgasm hitting full force - he came inside her, filling her with everything he had. It was over, and he collapsed on top of her. She was panting as hard as he was, almost gasping for breath. Her hands, found their way into his hair, and she began to stroke her fingernails gently along his scalp. He fought to keep his eyes open, willed his tired muscles to move him so that he could look at her, drink in the sight of her. Pulling away slightly so that he could look at her face, he saw that her eyes were closed. Moving out of her, and resting on one elbow at her side, he began to brush her sweat soaked hair away from her face. Her eyes opened after a while, when her breathing had normalized, and she looked at him. “Why, Maria?” he asked as he laid one hand on her cheek, turning her head slightly so that she couldn’t look away from him. “Why what?” she returned, turning her eyes first to the ceiling, then closing them again. She knew what he meant. “ Why?” “Why what?” her voice was a whisper. She wanted to make it difficult, or she wanted him to come right out and say it. He wasn’t sure which. “Why did you let me in?” he asked as he laid himself closer to her, leaning his forehead against her temple as his hand ran down from her cheek to her neck, over her perfect little breasts, to rest on the curve of her hip. “In?” she breathed out as he kissed her jaw, letting his lips move slowly toward her ear. This was the only way to keep her with him, he knew. Keep her distracted, kiss her, touch her, hold her… “Inside, Maria,” he answered. “Why did you let me inside?” Michael wasn’t sure if it was what he was doing with his lips, or the question, but she let out a low, passionate moan that made his toes curl. That was probably all of the answer that he was going to get. He didn’t know why he kept trying to get her to repeat it, it wasn’t as if he believed in that sort of thing anyway. It was just something people said to each other. She was asleep a few minutes later, and he laid back on the pillows and pulled her on top of him. In her sleep, she draped herself over his body, snuggling her face into his neck. It felt almost perfect, having her in his arms after wishing to hold her for so long. Sleep slowly overtook him, and the next time he opened his eyes it was morning, and she was gone. PART SEVENTEEN Maria practically tripped as she ran across the street. She couldn’t go to work without showering first, but she was now ten minutes late. Of course, it would probably be all right, but she felt bad about it after she’d left early the day before. She still couldn’t believe she’d slept ‘til after seven that morning, she’d barely caught the bus. After sleeping the whole day before, she was astounded that she’d made it right on through to morning. It probably just meant that she hadn’t been getting enough sleep lately, or maybe it was just a sign of how much Michael had warn her out. The morning passed quickly into afternoon, despite the fact that there were not many customers. School was out for the summer, and the crowds were definitely thinner. All through her shift, she kept expecting him to walk through the door. He’d sit at his usual table, and she’d sit down across from him. Maybe she’d just smile at him, or maybe she’d play with his foot under the table. He didn’t come, though. *** Michael looked down at the coffee cup in his hand. At the moment, it was fascinating. “So, Mikey G,” Courtney grinned at him as she leaned on the counter, “we see you so rarely these days, what are you up to on this lovely Sunday afternoon?” He glanced outside at the rain that was pouring down and gave her a look. Today wasn’t really a day for ‘banter’. She laughed slightly when he didn’t answer, “Not in a mood for talking I see.” Nodding slightly, he looked back down at his cup, keeping his eyes on it until the girl walked away again. Someone opened the diner door, and out of habit he looked to see who it was. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to his cup. “Hey,” she said as she sat down next to him, wiping drops of rain from her face. “Hey,” he said, looking up at the cash register. He had no idea what she was doing there. As far as he knew, she didn’t come back to visit much, but then again he hardly came in anymore either. “I missed you today,” her voice was low, questioning. Venturing a look at her, his brow furrowed. It was all he could do to maintain a nonchalant tone, “Oh?” “So, I thought you must have gone to visit Isabel or something,” she continued, the volume of her voice dropping a notch. “No,” he shook his head, keeping his eyes on the opposite wall. “Oh.” If he didn’t know better, he’d have thought she sounded disappointed. “Well, hello, Maria,” Courtney came back into his line of site with an order pad in her hand. “Hi, Courtney,” Maria responded. Michael turned to look at her while she was distracted. Her hair was wet from the rain, and her cheeks were flushed. She wore a red windbreaker over a blue t-shirt and jeans. “So, what can I get you?” the waitress asked, waving her order pad. Maria shook her head, “I just dropped in to talk to Michael.” Courtney looked slightly irritated, but put on a smile, “Oh, ok.” She’d admitted that she went out of her way to see him? That was fairly surprising. When Courtney had walked away again, she looked back at him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, no matter how much he wished he could. Her voice was hesitant, and she looked down at her hands which were fidgeting in her lap, “Do you want to go to the hospital now?” He shrugged, “Should I?” “Well,” she shrugged and let one of her hands wander to the salt shaker, turning it in a circle, “it would probably be nice if you did. And, you know, if you took her flowers or something…” What exactly was she doing there? She’d come to see him, although he couldn’t fathom why. As usual, she’d left him that morning. He’d resolved to let her go, but now, here she was. “I guess maybe I should go,” he said, looking back at the coffee cup. “Yeah…” she sounded uncertain. “Want me to go with you?” Michael felt his breath catch for a moment, and he looked over at her again, “Ok.” *** Maria glanced at him as they rode the elevator to the maternity floor. It was becoming more and more apparent that she’d misread some major signals last night, and yesterday, and over the last couple of weeks, and over the last few months… “This way,” he gestured down the hall when she didn’t step off the elevator. “Oh, ok,” she said softly holding the vase of roses tightly in her hand as she walked at his side down the corridor. It had been her idea to get the flowers, he’d reluctantly followed her into the gift shop on the main level. She’d spotted the yellow roses and asked the lady at the counter for them immediately. He’d merely nodded when she’d asked if he liked them. In fact, she was fairly sure that he hadn’t said more than a dozen words to her all day. The door was open, and he walked through first, giving Isabel a wave and Alex a nod. “Hi,” Isabel smiled at them, “you just missed mom and dad.” “Oh,” Michael nodded absently. “How are you feeling?” Maria asked the woman in the bed as she placed the flowers on the window sill and gave Alex a smile where he sat in the chair next to the bed. “I feel very well,” Isabel smiled at her and gave Alex a quick glance. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re lovely.” “They’re from Michael,” Maria responded as she leaned against the wall, clasping her hands in front of her. She felt awkward again, and she wondered why she’d ever offered to come. “They’re from both of us,” Michael said quickly, glancing at her for a moment before turning back to Isabel. “So, you look pretty good. Still hate hospital food?” Isabel laughed and Alex made a face as he cleared his throat and tried to speak while he chuckled, “She made me go get her a burger and fries at three in the morning.” Michael laughed out loud with them, Maria was too distracted watching him to join in. “Do you want to see the baby?” Isabel asked them. “Where is she?” Maria asked. “Oh, they’ve got her in the nursery to watch her for a bit, they should be wheeling her crib back in here soon,” she said. “We can only stay for a minute,” Michael said. Maria glanced at him, that was news to her, but she nodded and smiled when Alex looked her way. “I want to thank you both again,” Alex glanced back and for the between them, “I was a little out of it yesterday morning, but thank you. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss that for the world.” Michael scratched his eyebrow, and looked uncomfortable for a moment before the cool and composed look he’d been sporting all day settled back over his features, “Yeah, no problem, man.” Maria couldn’t hold back a smile, and she walked over to Alex and bent down, giving him a bear hug, then smiling at Isabel as she stood up, “I’m so happy you made it.” Alex gave her a big smile, and then a wink as he patted Isabel’s hand. His gesture spoke volumes to her, and for some reason, she felt tears stinging her eyes as she watched the simple movement of Alex’s hand on Isabel’s. She was afraid to speak again, so she merely listened as Michael made what passed for small talk with Isabel. A few minutes later, a nurse came in with a diner tray, though, and Michael decided it was a good time to leave. “Uh, take care,” he said looking at Isabel. Isabel smiled at him, and then at Maria, “We’ll probably see you soon.” “Yeah,” Michael nodded at her, and started toward the door. “Bye,” Alex gave them a little wave. “Bye,” she called softly, giving the couple one last look as they walked out the door. She walked at Michael’s side for a few feet, then stopped and stepped down a hallway that lead off to the left. She’d spotted a big long window, and she knew what that probably meant. There were only three babies in the room. She knew that babies were usually kept in their mother’s rooms. Quickly, she scanned the name tags, and found the one she was looking for, ‘Baby Girl Whitman’. “Aw…” she said softly, placing her fingers against the glass. “What are you-?” Michael came up behind her, then stopped fast when he saw what was on the other side of the window. “Isn’t she beautiful?” Maria said, petting the glass as though she could touch the baby through it. “Yeah, I guess,” Michael replied skeptically, leaning forward and looking at the baby intently. She elbowed him in the ribs, and he hissed, she kept her tone light as she spoke, “ All babies are beautiful, Michael.” “I still think ‘beautiful’ is a stretch,” he said, almost laughing. “Well, you’d think she was beautiful if she was yours,” she retorted, the laugh that had been building in her chest dying in her throat as she saw the look that crossed his face. Wordlessly, she turned and started for the elevators. *** “Where are you going?” she asked as he drove onto the freeway, turning his wipers up a notch so that he could see through the rain. “I’m taking you home,” he replied, glancing her way. “Oh,” she whispered. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she slipped off the sandals she was wearing and brought her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs. She was the only person he’d ever seen do this in a car before, and it fascinated him. “I’m sorry about before,” she broke the silence. She was sorry? He looked at her quickly, “Sorry for what?” “The baby remark, that was stupid, I’m sorry.” He glanced her way again. She was looking out the window, her cheek now laid against her knee. “Nothing to be sorry about,” he said quickly, wishing he hadn’t gotten his hopes up that she might apologize for leaving that morning. “No, there is. I hate that look that you get, and it’s ten times worse if it’s because I brought it up,” her words came out in a rush. That irritated him. She wanted to paint it as though she’d thought she was pregnant on purpose, to hurt him or something. “Look, I don’t see why you have to act like you did that on your own or something. It takes two to tango, believe me, I was there,” he didn’t try to keep the anger out of his voice. “What are you talking about?” she lifted her head up and looked at him. “What do you think I’m talking about? I’m talking about you acting as though you being pregnant was somehow entirely your doing, and entirely your problem,” he’d wanted to say it for a while. It had bothered him, but the majority of his anger at the moment was stemming from the fact that she could just walk away from him, without a word. “Did you think that was what I was talking about?” she asked him, her voice sounding slightly confused. He glanced her way, “Well, yeah. Isn’t that what you were talking about?” “No,” she shook her head sharply. “I thought you got that look because of Isabel…” That hadn’t even occurred to him. If he’d gotten a look, it was because the only woman he could ever picture being the mother of his children didn’t want him in her life. “No,” he shook his head just as sharply as she was shaking hers, “I told you, that’s all in the past. What do you think, that I’m still stuck on her? I’m not, that ship has sailed. Now that I look back on it, I can’t imagine ever having a life with her, it seems so…so – I don’t know, warped now.” “Oh,” she said softly, and he saw her put her cheek back against her knee as she turned to look out the window again. “ Oh,” he repeated after her sarcastically. “So, um…” her voice trailed off. “What?” he asked, trying to return his voice to a normal tone. “Nothing,” she said quickly. “What is it?” “Can you take me back to the diner?” she asked. “Why?” “I just-can you just do it? It’s not like it’s out of your way.” “Fine,” he muttered, exiting the freeway and crossing the overpass to re-enter and go back the other way. “So…” she started to speak again. She must have something she wanted to say. “So?” he prompted her. She swallowed loud enough for him to hear, “So, what would you have done, then?” “Done about what?” “Me. If I’d been…well, you know. What would you have done?” That wasn’t something he’d been expecting. He was completely blind-sided by her question. “I’d have bought you that big old house with the porch, and picked up a station wagon, and we’d have had a couple more kids.” It was a simple answer to a simple question, but he wished he’d had a little more time to think about it before it came out of his mouth. The silence in the car was deafening, and he wished with everything he had that he could take it back. This was sure to mean eternal awkwardness between them. He didn’t dare look at her. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that she was staring at him. To avoid her, he kept his eyes solidly on the road, and gripped the wheel tightly with his hands. *** She wasn’t sure she’d heard him right, but she was afraid to ask him to repeat himself. He didn’t seem affected at all, he just kept driving, acting as if he hadn’t just said what he did. Now, she was confused again. Did he really want something with her? Was he just saying that? While, she didn’t want the kids, or the house, or the station wagon yet, she was becoming keenly aware that she wanted him. Life might be peachy, but it wasn’t everything that it could be. Maybe he was weird, and maybe her brother didn’t like him – maybe nobody liked him – but, he was the only one that would do for her. She’d tried to avoid him, only to find that he’d become so embedded in her life she didn’t know what she’d do if he weren’t there. Michael pulled to a stop in front of his building, and they sat there for a moment before he opened his door and stepped out into the rain. She put her feet down and slid them into her sandals, then quickly crossed the street and entered the diner. Once she was inside, she glanced back out through the door to see him standing in the entryway of his building, hands in his pockets as the rain poured down on him, watching after her. Turning away, she seated herself at the counter, leaning her elbows on it, and resting her head in her hands. “ Maria?” She looked up to see Liz headed in her direction. There wasn’t a reason for her to be there, she’d just wanted to stay close to him, so she’d told him she wanted to go back to the diner. It would be just her luck that Liz was working. “Hey, Liz,” she grinned sheepishly as her friend walked over. “I’m sorry about not getting in touch with you after the messages…” Liz gave her a knowing little smile, “Uh huh, two weeks of messages, Maria?” “I suck,” Maria ducked her head, “I’m sorry, I’m the worst friend. I just, I knew that you’d have questions, you even left some of them on the machine…did I mention that I suck?” Laughing softly, Liz turned away and came back a second later with a steamy cup of hot chocolate for her, as she leaned forward and let a wry smile curl onto her lips, “So, did anyone tell you about what happened with Max?” “What happened with Max?” Maria asked curiously as she took a sip, she was grateful now that Liz was here, glad for a distraction. “We broke up,” Liz stated cleanly, her face showing very little emotion. Maria nearly choked, “ What?” “We broke up,” her friend said again. “But, I thought you two were getting married,” Maria was stunned, almost as stunned as she had been about the engagement. Shaking her head slowly, Liz let out a sigh, then smiled sadly, “We were sitting in his kitchen, eating breakfast. I told him I’d like to start looking for a place to live, because it would probably take a while to find one. He, well…you should have seen his face, Maria. Suddenly, he was stammering, and saying that looking for a place together was a major commitment.” “Commitment?” Maria asked, feeling a little puzzled. “Weren’t you two engaged?” “That’s what I said. I couldn’t believe he wanted to marry me if he hadn’t even considered us finding a place together, it just felt…wrong.” Maria stared at her friend for a few moments, “So, is it over?” “I don’t know,” Liz said as she stood and straightened her apron, “I’d like to think that there’s still hope, but I’m really hurt.” Nodding, Maria looked down at her cup of hot chocolate, trying to find something to say. “I’m so sorry, Liz.” “Thanks,” her friend said. “Hey, life goes on.” Glancing up at the brunette, Maria realized that Liz’s life probably would go on. Her friend loved Max, but she’d get over it. Max probably loved her, but the idea of the future scared him. Alex and Isabel were in love, and committed, but things still got in the way – sacrifices had to be made to make it work. People weren’t just walking around finding perfect happiness left and right - it was one of those rare, elusive things that you had to take when it came your way and hold onto with both hands. “Liz,” she said in a rush as she stood and reached into her purse for her wallet, “I’m sorry, I have to run. I’ll call you tomorrow, and we’ll get ice cream,” she pulled out a dollar and laid it on the counter and turned toward the door, “and we’ll rent some videos and have a girl’s night, ok?” Her friend was looking at her strangely and nodding as she walked out into the rain. Halfway across the street, she started to turn back. There was a good chance that things weren’t what she thought they were, and there was an even better chance that things wouldn’t work. She was just getting herself on track, finally doing what she wanted to do, finally going where she wanted to go. Standing there in the middle of the street, she knew without a doubt that this probably wasn’t the best thing for her. Turning, she looked back at the diner. The rain was running into her eyes, and she swallowed hard, willing herself to look back at his building. It didn’t really matter what was best, or what she thought she should do. She wanted him. *** He didn’t know what to think when he heard the knocking on his door. Tossing the brush he’d been holding in his hand onto the floor, he started across the room. The knocking got more insistent, and was practically pounding by the time he opened the door. She was completely rain soaked, and her teeth were chattering lightly. He couldn’t think of a word of protest as she pushed past him and walked into the main room. “Ok,” he murmured, closing the door and turning to face her. The only light that was on in the place was the one in his studio corner, and it was making her face shadowed and difficult for him to see anything but the outline of her body. Standing in front of her, he waited for her to speak, but she didn’t. She just stood there, shivering, dripping on the hardwood. Then, the sneezing started. Slow at first, then one after another. They were shaking her body and bending her in half. Thinking quickly, he swept her up into his arms and started to carry her upstairs. He thought she would protest, try to stop him, tell him she was fine, but she didn’t. She let him carry her, didn’t say a word as he laid her out on his bed and carefully pulled off the nylon windbreaker, her shoes, her jeans and tucked her into his down comforter. He laid down next to her, and her eyes watched him carefully as he did. Eventually, she warmed, the shivering stopped and so did the sneezing. Her eyes closed softly, and she fell asleep. Somehow, she’d found her way into his bed again. He wasn’t sure how, or why, but here she was. Slowly, he pulled away from her, not wanting to disturb her, and went back downstairs to put away his paint. He was nearly finished, and ready to go back up to her when he turned to see that she was standing there, watching him. She’d pulled on a pair of his pajama bottoms, and rolled the waist and the cuffs. The sweater she was wearing he also recognized as his own. Seeing her in his clothes like that was a major turn on for some reason. Her arms crossed after he stood looking at her for a few moments, and then she looked down at her feet, “Would you have done that for just any girl that you got pregnant?” It was just the way that she was. Impossible to figure, always surprising. “Huh?” “What you said,” she let her arms hand down at her sides, the sleeves of his sweater covering her tiny hands, “in the car. Would you do that for just anybody?” “No.” “Is there anyone you would do it for?” she asked, looking up into his eyes. “You.” “You haven’t just been f*cking me…have you?” her voice sounded small, and she was looking down at her feet again. He didn’t like her choice of terms, but he didn’t say anything about it, just shook his head and said, “No.” She shivered, and took a step toward him, “Michael?” It wasn’t as if he could look away from her. When she brought her head up and took another step, he braced himself. Her hands touched his chest, made their way up, over his shoulders, and then met at the back of his neck where she let his hair curl around her fingers. She raised herself up on her tiptoes, and pulled down with her hands, until his lips touched hers. He kissed her back, kissed her hard. His hands grabbed her ass, and pulled her up until her legs were wrapped around his waist. After a few minutes, they found themselves on the sofa, half clothed, ready to do what they did best. Just because she was back again didn’t mean she was going to stay, and he knew that. “Are you gonna’ leave again?” he asked as he pulled away from her lips for a moment. “What?” she asked, trying to pull him back down to her. “Are you going to leave me again?” he repeated more forcefully, pulling away from her completely and sitting back on the other side of the sofa. “ No,” she shook her head, looking confused. “So, you’re telling me that you’re not going to sleep with me tonight, and then just disappear again in the morning?” “Did that…” she looked at him, cocking her head to the side, “were you really upset that I left?” “Yeah,” he was a little angry that she seemed so surprised. “I didn’t mean to…to hurt you,” she said softly, watching him carefully. He raised his eyebrows and watched her face, wondering if she meant it. “Why me, Michael?” Oh, she was full of surprises tonight. “What?” he asked, trying to look confused. “You know what I mean,” her voice was husky as she moved across the sofa to wrap her arms around his neck again. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” “You ask me all of the time,” she whispered into his ear. “You never answer me.” “I answered you once,” she said simply as she started to suck on the tender flesh of his neck. “You haven’t answered me since,” he countered. She pulled away and looked into his eyes, she seemed surprised that he knew she’d answered him. He looked into her eyes for a long time, and she didn’t look away. She met his gaze, and as her hand began to stroke his cheek, her look softened into the one that he lived for. The one that said she thought he was the greatest thing in the world. His passion couldn’t be contained as he leaned in to kiss her again. She wasn’t going anywhere. Later, he’d ask her ‘why’. THE END |