Updated: 21 March, 2004
For an explanation of the typographical conventions used in this script, go here.
The TV episode was written by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. This version is one viewer's interpretation of the TV episode.
Begin.
The shot is of a wet city street at night looking backwards from a moving vehicle. In the foreground are the headlights of the vehicles behind. The U.S. Capitol building can be seen in the distance.
Voice-over: This is Washington, D.C. Somewhere in this city is the headquarters of a top-secret organization known as "CONTROL". Its business is counter-espionage.
Cut to an orchestral concert in a concert hall. The orchestra and part of the audience are shown from a distance. The third movement of Beethoven’s seventh symphony is heard in progress.
Voice-over: This is Symphony Hall in Washington. Somewhere in this audience is one of CONTROL’s top employees, a man who lives a life of danger and intrigue, a man who’s been carefully trained (cut to a small section of the audience) never to disclose the fact that he is a secret agent.
A telephone rings loudly. People in the audience look around for the source of the disturbance. Most eyes soon settle on a young man with short, dark hair and of slim build. Appearing slightly embarrassed, the man excuses himself and, with the ringing accompanying him, walks out of the auditorium, then down a corridor until he reaches a store-room. He opens the door, enters the store-room and closes the door behind him. He turns on the light, then removes his right shoe and detaches its sole.
Man: (Into his shoe, with the heel end at his ear) This is Smart, Maxwell Smart, agent 86. Hello, Chief. Max. What’s up? (Listens.) KAOS eh? Yes, sir. I’ll be right over. (Tries to open the door, but it won’t budge.) Ah. I may be a few minutes late, Chief.
Max re-assembles his shoe and puts it back on his foot, then tries to break open the door with his shoulder, but it still won’t open, so he draws a hand gun and shoots the door handle three times, then opens the door and departs.
Cut to Max leaving Symphony Hall and getting in his sports car, which is parked outside. He starts the car, does a screeching U-turn and parks outside the building across the street, then gets out of his car and runs towards the building’s entrance.
Cut to opening titles.
Cut to an office door on which is written:
CONTROL HEADQUARTERS
INTELLIGENCE
The door slides open and Max, still wearing his tuxedo, enters. The Chief, who looks to be in his sixties and has lost most of his hair, is wearing a grey business suit and is at his desk smoking a pipe. He rises and greets Max at the door.
Chief: Hello, Max.
Max: Hi, Chief.
Max uses a punch-card clock in the office to clock on.
Chief: Good to see you again.
Max: Good to see you, Chief.
They shake hands and walk to the desk. Max sits down in the visitor's chair and the Chief sits on the desk close to Max.
Max: Well, Chief, what’s all the excitement about?
Chief: Max, this is a big one. The fate of our entire nation might depend on it. (Walks over to the wall beside the window and presses a button; the curtains close. Returns to the desk and turns on a bright desk lamp that is pointing at Max.) And you know here at CONTROL it’s policy to assign cases in rotation. (Sits in his desk chair.) Well, it’s your turn at bat.
Max: Right! (Slams his hand on an ashtray on the desk, which flies up, somersaults, and lands on the Chief's hand, which is resting on the desk. Ash is spilled on the Chief and on the desk.) Oh, I’m sorry, Chief. I’m terribly sorry, sir. It’s just that I’m raring to go. (Brushes ash away from Chief’s face and suit with his hand, then sweeps the ash off the desk with one hand into the other, then places the collected ash in his shirt pocket.)
Chief: Max, let me give you a quick briefing. First of all, do you know what this is? (Shows Max a photograph of a futuristic-looking weapon.)
Max: I believe it’s a photograph.
Chief: (Resigned expression.) It’s a machine called the Inthermo and it’s capable of converting heat waves into immense destructive power. Now Max, it’s been stolen, and its inventor Professor Hugo Dante kidnapped from his Long Island laboratory.
Max: Sounds like the KAOS organization is back in action, Chief.
Chief: Right. And their Mr. Big, whoever he is, has broadcast a demand for one hundred million dollars ransom, or he’ll use the Inthermo against our cities. Mr. Big must be stopped before he goes any further. Now Max, it seems to me that –
Max (now smoking a cigarette): Just a minute, Chief. Isn’t this top security?
Chief: (Tentatively) Yes.
Max: Well, shouldn’t we activate the cone of silence?
Chief: (Dismayed) The cone of silence?
Max: Yes.
Chief: Alright, Max. (To intercom) Hodgkins.
Hodgkins (from intercom): Yes, sir.
Chief: Activate the cone of silence.
Hodgkins: (Dubiously) The cone of silence?
The cone of silence begins descending.
Chief: First of all, how much –
Max signals the Chief to wait. They wait while the cone of silence completes its descent. Then Max signals that it’s okay to proceed. Max is smoking his cigarette inside the cone of silence.
Chief: How much do you know about KAOS?
Max: What did you say, sir?
Chief: KAOS.
Max: What?
Chief: (Raising voice) KAOS.
Max: Oh, KAOS. Yes, of course. Well, that’s an international criminal organization that was founded…oh…I think in 1957.
Chief: (Softly) How’s that?
Max: Fifty-seven.
Chief: What?
Max: (Raising voice) Fifty-seven.
Chief: Agent 57 is in Hong Kong.
Max: What?
Chief: Hong Kong.
Max: What about Hong Kong?
Chief: What?
Max: (Raising voice) Hong Kong.
Chief: (Exasperated) Why are we talking about Hong Kong?
Max: What?
Chief: Hong – (patience exhausted) Hodgkins, raise the cone of silence.
Hodgkins: What?
Chief: (Shouting) Raise the cone of silence!
The cone of silence ascends.
Max: Perhaps we could just talk softly, sir.
Some time later.
Chief: Max, let’s get you set up with some special equipment.
They walk over to the “window”, which is now shown to be a wall panel painted to look like a window with a view of the buildings outside.
Chief: (Gestures towards the wall near Max.) Would you please.
Max presses a button on the wall next to the panel. The panel slides open, revealing an equipment store-room.
Chief: What do you think you’ll need?
Max: Well, Chief, this looks like a heavy case, but I think I’ll just take the bare necessities. My bino-specs (picks them up), my locker key (picks it up), and my Beretta (picks it up).
Chief: Max, take the Inflato coat with you (picks up a folded, light-colored coat).
Max: Oh, Chief. It’s the middle of summer. Besides, that’s not even my size.
Chief: Hodgkins will issue one in your size. I want you to have one with you. (Puts the coat back.)
Max: Well, okay, Chief. If you say so.
Chief: Anything else?
Max: Well, I think I’d like to take K13 with me on this one. We’ve worked together before, and, uh, he’s proved useful.
Chief: Hodgkins, send in K13.
Hodgkins: Yes, sir.
K13, a dog, enters through a dog door behind Chief’s desk.
Max: (Pats and rubs K13 vigorously.) How are you?
K13: (Wags tail and emits various high-pitched sounds of pleasure.)
Max: How are you, boy? Well, you ready for another one? Ah, this may be a tough one, fella. Think we can handle it? Now, remember we’re dealing with KAOS, and if we fall into their hands they’ll show us no mercy. You think we can face excruciating torture?
K13: (Barks loudly and dashes out through the dog door.)
Chief: Agent 99 will meet you at the airport.
Max: Good. Ah, how will I know 99, Chief?
Chief: Ninety-nine will find you, and use the following phrase: “New York Mets win double-header.”
Max: Hey, I like that. “New York Mets win double-header.” That’s very good.
Chief: Eighty-six, your mission is simple. Find KAOS and destroy it. Get Mr. Big, (Max fetches his clock card) rescue Professor Dante and bring back the Inthermo.
Max: This may run into a little overtime, Chief.
Chief: Max, you realize you’ll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: (Pauses for emphasis.) And…loving it.
Chief: Yes. (Nods.)
K13 has returned and is sitting under the punch-card clock with a card in his mouth. Max takes the card and clocks himself and K13 out.
Chief: Max, we’re trained not to have any personal feelings. But I think you know that if I had any children, I’d like them to be like you and Fang.
Max: Thank you, Chief.
Chief: Good hunting, Max. And remember the code: “New York Mets win double-header.”
Max: That I’d like to see.
Cut to a close-up of a copy of the New York Bulletin being held by a man who is hidden behind it. The headline on the page shown is New York Mets Win Double-Header. Cut to Max and Fang arriving at an airport’s main public building through an entry point labeled GATES 3 THRU 12. Max, now wearing a dark business suit, has a light-colored coat over one shoulder and has Fang on a leash. A public announcement can be heard in the background.
Max: (To Fang) Sit, boy. Sit. (Jerking leash sharply.) Come on. Sit. Sit. Good boy. Stay here.
Fang doesn't sit, but he does stay where he is, and Max walks across the public area and looks about conspicuously.
Boy's voice: New York Mets win double-header.
A neat, well-groomed young boy and his mother are nearby.
Mother: You wait here. Mother’ll go check on our tickets. (Hands her son a magazine, which he begins reading.)
Boy: Okay.
Max: “New York Mets win double-header.”
Boy: (Not looking up from the magazine.) That’s right.
Max: Any new developments from KAOS?
Boy: (Looks at Max, perplexed.)
Max: What about Dante and the Inthermo?
Boy: (Still perplexed.)
Max: Are you 99?
Boy: No. I’m six and a half.
Max walks to a seat against a wall on which is a large map of the world. He sits down and notices a newspaper next to him. He reads the headline and looks skyward in resignation.
Young woman’s voice: “New York Mets win double-header.”
Max: (Preoccupied; not looking at her.) (Snaps) I know, I know.
Now Max looks, first at the boots she is wearing, then the long pants, the matching jacket, the gloves, the tie and the large peaked hat, which together form a chauffeur’s uniform. She is tall and slim. Her hair is dark, though very little is showing outside her hat.
Woman: But you don’t understand. The score was 99 to 86.
Max: Are you 99?
Woman: Uh huh. Eighty-six?
Max: Yes.
99: I, uh, thought you’d want to get right out to Professor Dante’s laboratory at Cravehaven.
Max: Good.
99: I spoke to Zelinka. That’s his assistant. She’s expecting us.
Max: Excellent.
99: I have a car outside. Follow me. (Begins to leave.)
Max: Hold it. I think I’m being followed. There’s a man right behind you.
99: (Stops and slowly turns around towards Max.) Uh huh. Where?
Max: Don’t turn around, but you can see him through my mirrored cufflinks.
The image of a man from the chest up, wearing a rain coat and a hat, is shown reflected in one of Max’s cufflinks. He is looking in their direction.
99: Uh huh. Who’s he?
Max: Probably a reception committee from KAOS. You wait here.
99: What are you going to do?
Max: I’m going to use my locker key.
Max leaves his coat and walks to a bank of lockers and opens a top locker without using the key. A man wearing a hat is inside, with little more than his head showing.
Max: Thirty-four?
34: Yes. Eighty-six?
Max: (Softly) Man behind me. (The man is holding a newspaper, as though reading it, but is looking in their direction.) Gun under his raincoat. Probably KAOS agent. Put plan Y-14 into effect. Ninety-nine and I’ll act as decoys. Alright?
34: Alright.
Max closes the locker, returns to 99 and picks up his coat.
Max: The plan is Y-14. Let’s go.
Max, 99 and Fang walk past the lockers. The man follows. As he passes the lockers, agent 34 opens his locker door with force, hitting the man in the head and knocking him unconscious. Agent 34 drags the man by his feet into a bottom locker from the inside.
Break.
Resume outside Professor
Dante’s laboratory, where a sign reads:
CRAVEHAVEN LABORATORIES
RESEARCH AND
DEVELOPMENT
A black limousine arrives and stops beside the gatehouse. Max is in the back seat and his window is down. The gatehouse attendant approaches and gives his permission for the limousine to enter the premises, which it then does.
Cut to inside the laboratory, which contains a lot of sophisticated-looking equipment, and where Zelinka, a young blonde woman wearing a white dress, is showing Max and 99 around.
Zelinka (with foreign accent): (To Max and 99) This is one of the best experimental laboratories in the world. We have all the finest equipment. (To an assistant) Oh, try it again at seven hundred CCMs.
Max: (Noticing a familiar-looking contraption.) Say, isn’t this the Inthermo?
Zelinka: Oh, no. That’s only a dummy model of the stolen Inthermo, but it can be used to demonstrate how the basic principle of thermal concentricity holds true. Actually, the dynamics of the catalytic phenomena is expressed in direct ratio to its initial molecular conclusion.
Max: Yes, well, perhaps we better get onto something else.
99: (To Zelinka) I’d like to know exactly where you were when the professor was abducted.
Max: If you don’t mind, 99, I’d like to handle this myself.
99: Right.
Max: (To Zelinka) I’d like to know exactly where you were when Professor Dante was abducted.
Cut to the laboratory grounds outside.
Max: You came outside and you saw them struggling with Professor Dante. Exactly where did that take place?
Zelinka: (Points with a finger.) The car was over there by the bushes.
Fang is near the bushes and picks up a piece of light-colored rubbery material in his teeth.
99: Look, he’s found something. Come here, Fang. Come here, boy. What have you got, boy? Come here.
Fang goes to 99 and she takes the item from him.
Zelinka: Oh, it’s only an old banana peel. Why don’t you give it to me. I’ll throw it away. (Takes it from 99.)
99: (Firmly) Wait…a minute. (Takes it back from Zelinka.) That’s funny. It’s made of rubber.
Max: Here, let me see that. (Takes it from 99.) A rubber banana peel. A rubber banana. Well, that’s strange. Ah, wait a minute. There’s something written on this: Su, Stret, Nov.
99: What could that mean?
Max: (Stretches the rubber.) South Street Novelty…Inc.
99: South Street. That’s down by the waterfront.
Max: You know something? They could very easily have dropped this when they abducted the professor. Ninety-nine, better get the car. I think we should follow this up.
99: Right. (Goes to get the limousine.)
Max: Hmm. You know, this may be our first real lead. (To himself) But why a rubber banana? (To Zelinka) Thank you, Zelinka. (Walks to the limousine.)
Out of Max and 99’s view, a knowing smile appears on Zelinka’s face.
Max: But why a rubber banana peel? (Absent-mindedly stretches the rubber banana peel and releases one end, which hits Fang, who yelps.)
Max: Sorry, Fang.
99: Quick, KAOS is broadcasting again.
Voice (male, from radio): …we will offer a practical demonstration of the Inthermo’s enormous power. At four o’clock this afternoon, in full view of downtown Manhattan, we will destroy a great public figure. This is K-A-O-S, KAOS, signing off.
Max: Great public figure, four o’clock this afternoon. What time is it now?
99: Two-twenty.
Max: Two-twenty. That gives us exactly one hour and forty minutes and nothing to go on but a rubber banana peel. Step on it. (Opens the back door of the limousine and gets in.) Here, boy.
Fang jumps in as 99 drives off. Max is thrown around by the limousine’s movement and is unable to close the back door. He finally succeeds in closing it just as they stop at South Street Novelty Inc. A rueful look appears on his face. Max, 99 and Fang get out of the limousine and head towards the novelty store.
Cut to the premises of South Street Novelty Inc. Whistles from ships in the harbor nearby are heard occasionally. The store’s proprietor is a young, sinister-looking man with dark hair and a beard. He is wearing a dark suit and a bow tie.
Proprietor: (On the phone) It’s all set. Smart’s on his way up. Move into position. (Hangs up, then takes an instrument – perhaps a sextant – and walks to the window, opens the blind and looks out of the window through the instrument towards the harbor, then marks the floor with chalk around his shoes.)
Max opens the door to the store and Fang, Max and 99 enter. Max approaches the proprietor.
Proprietor: (Drawn out, formal) Ye-es?
Max: (Showing proprietor the rubber banana peel.) I believe this is one of your rubber banana peels. I’d like to know when it was purchased and by who. I’d appreciate it if you’d make it snappy. We’re in kind of a hurry.
Proprietor: (Takes the rubber banana peel from Max, then goes to a filing cabinet behind the counter and withdraws a thin file.) Ah, this looks like it. You’ll probably find what you’re looking for on page eight. (Was about to hand the file to Max, then looks at the marks on floor and places the it just out of Max’s reach.)
Max: (Appears puzzled momentarily, then takes a step towards the file, picks it up and looks through the papers inside.) I don’t see anything here.
Proprietor: Here. (Holds Max’s arms and gently guides him to the chalk markings.)
Max: Where?
Proprietor: (From behind Max, points to a spot on the open page and waves a handkerchief towards the harbor with his other hand.) Here.
A high-pitched, oscillating, electronic-like sound fills the air ominously.
Fang: (Barks twice.)
Fang runs to Max and knocks him to one side. Alarmed and distracted, the proprietor then moves carelessly to the marked spot. Seconds later he is vaporized.
Fang: (Barks.)
Max picks himself up and goes to 99.
Max: Are you alright, 99?
99: Uh, huh. How about you?
Max: Yes. Fortunately, Fang knocked me out of the way just in time.
99: Whew. That was a close one.
Ninety-nine sits on a table, takes off her hat and shakes her hair, which falls to her shoulders. Max is standing right next to her, but looking away, pre-occupied in thought.
Max: (Glances at 99, then looks away again) Yes. Now we’ve got exactly… ten… (Slowly turns to face 99 and stares.) Why, you’re a girl.
99: (Softly) Yes.
They slowly move closer together, as though about to kiss.
Fang: (Barks.)
99: He’s right.
Max: Yes, I suppose so. We’ve got exactly ten minutes to stop them from using that Inthermo again.
99: Well, the beam must have come from somewhere out in the harbor.
Max moves towards the window.
99: Be careful.
Max: Yes, well I don’t seem to see anything down there. There’s nothing out there except that old garbage scow. There’s something funny about that old scow. (Thinks.) I’ve got it. Seagulls.
99: Oh... But there are no seagulls.
Max: Exactly. Did you ever see an old garbage scow without seagulls hovering over it? Better take a closer look. (Takes his bino-specs, which are like small binoculars, from his shirt pocket and puts them on. He sees numerous people on the scow moving pieces of rubbery-looking material around.) Of course! That’s it. Rubber trash! They’re using it for camouflage. Professor Dante and the Inthermo are on that boat, or I’m not Smart. Ninety-nine, (turns to 99 and inadvertently looks straight into her hair through the bino-specs; then he removes the bino-specs.) …oh. We’ve gotta get down there, grab one of those dinghies and get on board that boat before they use that darn thing again.
99: Right.
Max: (Simultaneously) Come on.
Cut to garbage scow. Max, 99 and Fang arrive at the stern in a dinghy. Max and 99 board the scow. Max is wearing the light-colored coat.
Max: Good, they’re below deck. Keep low and keep quiet.
They begin crawling along the deck, which is laden with rubber trash. Then four armed men wearing wetsuits emerge from under the rubber trash.
Armed man #1: (To Max) Toss the gun overboard.
Max: (Throws his gun overboard.) The old garbage trick, eh? That’s the second time it’s been pulled on me this year.
Armed man #1: Mr. Big wants to see you.
Mr. Big's four armed henchmen escort Max and 99 towards the main deck.
Cut to a cabin. Max and 99 are pushed inside by two of the henchmen, who follow them inside. Max's face is shown in close-up looking straight ahead. Switch to a close-up of a man's face. The man looks to be about in his forties and has thinning hair. Switch back to a close-up of Max.
Max: (Momentously) So you’re Mr. Big.
Switch to a wider shot showing the cabin furnished like an office, and revealing Mr. Big to be very, very short. He is standing in front of the desk in a shiny, dark suit and is holding a slim, pointed walking stick in his right hand.
Mr. Big (whose voice was on the radio broadcast earlier): So you’re Maxwell Smart. At last we meet face to face. (Peers up at Max.) Please, make yourselves comfortable. (Snaps his fingers.)
Mr. Big’s two underlings force Max and 99 to sit in the chairs provided.
Mr. Big: What an unexpected and delightful pleasure to have the illustrious Maxwell Smart as my guest. (Looking at 99) Will you have a drink?
99: Oh, uh, no.
Mr. Big: No. Well, perhaps a cigarette? (Offers Max a cigarette.)
Max takes a cigarette. It is extremely short.
Mr. Big: These are truly magnificent blends, specially imported for me, from Heidelberg. (Light’s Max’s cigarette.)
Max: (Butting out cigarette after one puff.) Very good.
Mr. Big: (Considers 99.) (To Max) I see that what your organization lacks in strategy it more than makes up in loveliness.
Max: (Proudly smiles and adjusts his tie.) Thank you.
Mr. Big: Take them below and make them as uncomfortable as possible.
Max: (Gets out of chair.) Now wait a minute. I have an alternate plan.
Zelinka enters the cabin, smiling mischievously. She is wearing slacks and a blouse. The bottom corners of the blouse are tied together at the front, revealing plenty of skin. She walks into the cabin in a seductive manner and half-sits on a side table, crossing her legs and leaning back with her hands against the table.
Max: Zelinka!
99: Of course! That explains why it was so easy for them to kidnap the professor.
Mr. Big: (Smugly) Is there anything else you wish to say?
Max: (Looking down at him from very close.) You’re very clever my charming little friend. But not clever enough. You see, the moment I suspected there was something wrong with this old scow, I immediately telephoned headquarters, and I happen to know that at this very minute, seven coast-guard cutters are converging on this boat. Would you believe it? Seven.
Mr. Big: I find that pretty hard to believe.
Max: Would you believe six?
Mr. Big: I don’t think so.
Max: (Pauses.) How about two cops and a rowboat?
Mr. Big: You’re stalling, Mr. Smart. (To his underlings) Take them below.
Cut to below, where Max and 99 are being manacled to the frame on one side of the boat by one of Mr. Big’s henchmen. A second henchman, holding a sub-machine gun, is also there.
99: (Struggling to free herself) Nnn-o!
Henchman #1: (To Max) Alright, Zwak, get your hands up. Up!
Max, still wearing the light-colored coat, raises his arms and the henchman manacles his wrists to the frame.
Henchman #1: That’ll hold you.
Both henchmen leave.
Max: Are they gone?
99: Right.
Max's hands appear from under the coat, which he unbuttons and slips out of easily. The coat is still manacled to the frame at the wrists, to which fake hands are attached.
Max: Well, the Chief was right about the Inflato coat. (Frees 99.) They’ve got Professor Dante tied up in the other room, so here’s what we’ll do. (A mechanical whine like a high-speed motor is heard.) Wait a minute. What’s that?
99: They must be warming up the Inthermo!
Max: (Looking through a porthole.) So that’s their target.
99: What?
Max: Miss Liberty herself. Okay, 99. (Walks over to Fang, who is on a table and tied up.) Here’s the plan. I’ll untie Fang and release the professor. You knock over the guard and take his gun.
99: Right. (Thinks.) Max!
Max: Well, it’s just that I’m so good at knots.
Ninety-nine begins untying Fang.
Cut to bridge.
Mr. Big: (Has a captain's hat on backwards and is looking through a periscope at the Statue of Liberty) Excellent. We’re right on target.
Cut to deck. Max, who now has a machine gun, 99, Professor Dante and Fang, who needs assistance from Max, emerge from below through a hole.
Cut to bridge.
Henchman: Smart’s escaped! (Makes a move to go after Max.)
Cut to deck. Max fires the machine gun in the henchman’s direction. The gun soon stops firing.
Max: It’s jammed. (Throws the gun away.) Okay, Professor, now let’s deactivate that Inthermo.
Cut to bridge.
Mr. Big: Get Smart, you fools!
Cut to the main deck. Three of Mr. Big’s henchmen try to overpower Max, but Max fights back. Meanwhile, on the stern deck, Zelinka tries to subdue 99. Max employs assorted kicks, elbows, chops, pushes and punches to dispose of two henchmen overboard. On the stern deck, Zelinka has 99 pinned down.
99: Help! Maxwell, help!
Ninety-nine gains the upper hand over Zelinka and throws her overboard. The third henchman has recovered from his blows and is approaching Max from behind.
99: Max, look out!
Max breaks a piece off a wooden pole and turns around and knocks the henchman overboard. Then he approaches Professor Dante, who looks about fifty years old and is wearing round-rimmed glasses, a bow tie and a white coat over his vest.
Max: Did you deactivate the Inthermo?
Professor Dante (with foreign accent): Well, I couldn’t do it. You see, the nuclear pile was frozen.
Max: (Half to himself) I’ve got to stop that madman.
Professor Dante: (Rapidly) No, no, no no, no, no, no, no. (Normally) When I could not deactivate it, I reversed it to self-destruction, so when the man would press the button, this ship will become one big blazing inferno. Ha! That’s what I meant to call it: Dante’s Inferno.
99: Can you swim, Professor?
Professor Dante: No, but I am familiar with Archimedes’ principle of displacement of water. (Unintelligible) …
Professor Dante jumps into the water, followed by 99.
Max: Come on, Fang.
Max and Fang jump into the water.
Cut to the bridge. Mr. Big watches Statue of Liberty through the periscope and fires the Inthermo, which explodes.
Cut to the dinghy. On board are Max, 99, Fang and Professor Dante. They are showered with debris. Max and 99, who are wet, are shown in close-up. The incidental music expresses victory and pride.
Max: Well, that’s the end of Mr. Big. If only he could have turned his evil genius into…niceness.
Fade out to break.
Resume. The incidental victory music continues.
Max: Well, I better let the Chief know. (Dials a number on his shoe phone.) (Into shoe phone) Smart here. Maxwell Smart. Mission accomplished. Professor Dante rescued. KAOS destroyed. And I take great pride in saying that the forces of evil have once again been foiled in their attempt to extinguish the torch of liberty. (99 is holding her wet head high, listening proudly. Max listens to the reply.) What? Oh, sorry. (To 99, sheepishly) Wrong number. (99 looks down. Max begins dialling another number.)
Fade to black.
Cut to closing credits.
End.