cabuse

What Is Child Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse is any forced or tricked sexual contact by an adult or
older child with a child. Usually the adult or older child is in a position
of power or authority over the child. Physical force is generally not used,
since there is usually a trusting relationship between the adult or older
child and the child who is abused.

There are various types of sexual activity which may take place. It can
include open mouth kissing, touching, fondling, manipulation of the
genitals, anus or breasts with fingers, lips, tongue or with an object. It
may include intercourse. Children may not have been touched themselves but
may have been forced to perform sexual acts on an adult or older child.
Sometimes children are forced or tricked into disrobing for photography or
are made to have sexual contact with other children while adults watch.

Child sexual abuse does not always involve physical touching. It can include
any experience or attitude imposed on a child that gets in the way of the
development of healthy sexual responses or behaviors. For example, a child
may be a victim of "emotional incest." If a mother tells her son, in great
detail, about her sexual exploits, or if a father promises his daughter that
she will be his life partner when she turns 18, these would be scenarios in
which the child could be considered sexually abused. Siblings who are aware
of a brother or sister's victimization, but are not actually abused
themselves, may also suffer many of the same effects as an abused child.

In addition, some children experience ritualistic and/or satanic abuse. Ken
Wooden, founder of the National Coalition for Children's Justice, defines
ritualistic abuse as a bizarre, systematic continuing abuse which is
mentally, physically, and sexually abusive of children, and for the purpose
of implanting evil.

How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Occur?

Estimates are that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys experience
sexual abuse in some way before they are 18. Data on how many of these
children live in foster or adoptive homes are not available. Foster care and
adoption social workers are now saying they believe the percentages of boys
and girls in foster care who have been sexually abused are much higher than
in the general population, perhaps as high as 75%. Many came into foster
care initially because of sexual abuse and others are children who were
re-victimized while in foster care, either by an older foster child or by an
adult.

What Behaviors or Signs Might You See in a Child Who Has Been Sexually
Abused?

While no one sign or behavior can be considered absolute proof that sexual
abuse has occurred, you should consider the possibility of sexual abuse when
one or several of these signs or behaviors are present.

Physical Signs

Scratches, bruises, itching, rashes, cuts or injuries, especially in the
genital area
Venereal disease
Pregnancy in (young) adolescents
Blood or discharge in bedding or clothes, especially underwear
Behavioral Signs

Aggressive behavior towards younger children
Advanced sexual knowledge for the child's age
Seductive or "sexy" behavior towards adults or peers
Pseudo-mature behavior (for instance, a girl who is eight and dresses like a
16 year-old, wears makeup and generally acts "too old for her age," or a
young boy who attempts to be his mother's "man" in every sense of the word)
Regressed behavior (for example, the child who has been toilet trained
starts wetting the bed)
Excessive masturbation, masturbation in public places, difficulty with being
re-focused to another behavior
Poor relationships with peers
Fear of a particular person, place or thing (for example, if the abuse
occurred in the bathroom, the child may show fear in that room)
Sudden or extreme changes in behavior (for instance, a previously good
student starts having trouble with school work, a child who was not sad
before starts crying frequently or acting sad, or a formerly cooperative
child acts defiantly or is uncooperative or unusually overly cooperative)
Eating disorders (overeats, under eats)
Additional Behavioral Signs in Pre-teens and Adolescents

Self-mutilation (the child may repeatedly pick at scabs, cut him/herself
with a razor blade, bite his/her finger or arm, burn him/herself with a
cigarette)
Threatening or attempting suicide
Using drugs or alcohol
Becoming promiscuous (a child is sexually active without discrimination, or
just has that reputation)
Being prudish (the child avoids any sexuality, does not see him/herself as a
sexual being in any way)
Prostitution
Fire-setting
Lying, stealing
Running away
Isolating self or dropping friends
Pre-occupation with death (the child may write poems about death, may ask a
lot of questions about death, such as "What does it feel like and where do
people go?")
Some Additional Behavioral Signs in Children Who Have Been
Ritualistically/Satanically Abused

Bizarre nightmares
Sadistic play (for example, mutilation of dolls or small animals)
Self-mutilation
Pre-occupation with death
Increased agitation on certain dates which represent satanic high holy days
A constant fear of harm and extreme fear of being alone

Are All Children Affected Equally by Child Sexual Abuse?

There is a myth that all children who have been sexually abused are "damaged
goods" and that the damage is for life. In fact, with guidance and support a
child who has experienced sexual abuse can certainly recover and go on to
live a happy, successful life with loving and trusting relationships.
However, there are many factors which influence the extent of the child's
trauma and subsequent healing process. Some of these are:

The age of the child when the abuse began. Children abused very early in
life may carry body or sensory memories of the abuse but will not have the
words to express their rage. One adult survivor of sexual abuse figured out,
with the help of therapy, that the reason she became sexually stimulated
when she heard and felt a room fan was because a fan had always been on when
she was molested as a child. Children who are abused pre-pubescently, during
the time when their sexuality is emerging, may carry greater effects of the
abuse.

The relationship of the primary perpetrator to the child. A child's trust of
his/her primary caretaker is central to their relationship. Therefore, when
abuse occurs in this context, the betrayal is intensified.

How long the abuse occurred. The longer the abuse occurred, the more likely
the victim is to feel that he/she should have been able to stop it and thus
he or she feels more "guilty."

Whether there was violence involved. In most cases where the abuse included
violence or potential violence (that is, the victim was made to understand
that without cooperation there would be violence) the child will have
experienced additional trauma and therefore damage to his/her development

The social system available to the child at the time of abuse. The child who
had someone to tell about the abuse will suffer less than the child who had
no one to tell. And even in some cases where the support system is
available, the child may choose not to tell for fear of the consequences.
For example, the child may think, "If I tell my father that my brother is
abusing me and he believes me, then my father may do something drastic like
hurt my brother or send me to jail."

When children reveal their secrets, the response of adults will vary. It is
important to stay as calm as possible so as not to further traumatize the
child. The rage you may feel is natural, but the child may perceive that it
is directed at him or her. The child needs a safe, supportive atmosphere in
which to talk. Children also benefit enormously from hearing that this has
happened to other children, male and female.

Ego development of the child at the time of the abuse. If the child has a
firmly established concept of his or her sexual identity, the abuse will
have less impact. Children who are abused by a same sex perpetrator often
have deeply felt fears about whether this means they are homosexual. One way
in which parents can help allay this fear is to explain that our bodies have
many nerve endings. If these nerve endings are stimulated, they will react.
For example, if a bright light hits your eyes, your first response will be
to blink or to shade them from the light. A simple concept to use with
children is that of tickling. If a child is ticklish, he or she will laugh
when tickled. It does not matter whether the person tickling is male or
female; the child is reacting to the experience.

If the perpetrator is of the opposite sex, questions of identity may also
come into play. For example a boy who is abused by a woman and is not
aroused, may doubt his masculinity. If he is aroused physically, but not
emotionally, he may equally doubt his masculinity. The same identity issues
for girls may hold true.

If the child has a positive self-concept, that is, if he or she feels valued
at the time the abuse occurred, there will be fewer repercussions. In fact,
children with good self-esteem are more likely to feel they can say no
and/or tell someone about the abuse.

Do Boys Who Are Abused Have Special Issues?

Boys who are sexually abused face some additional problems because of
persistent myths in our society. Males are rarely viewed as fitting the
victim role. When boys get hurt, they are often told "act like a man,"
"don't be a sissy," "control your emotions." The message to boys is to stand
on their own two feet and to take care of themselves. Under these
circumstances, a male victim is less likely to tell and therefore cannot
begin a healing process. This increases the chances that he may take on the
role of the victimizer in an attempt to master his own experience.

A further complication for boys is that the media portray boys who have
sexual experiences with older women as going through a "rite of passage"
rather than as victims of sexual exploitation. Movies such as "Summer of
'42" and "Get Out Your Handkerchiefs" are prime examples of this.

Little Girl
www.bonniesplace1.com/LilGirl.html

Silent Tears
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