Welcome to the Jokes Section!


Hey there, it's BabyDonkey here! Who do ya expect? Santa Claus? :) I am not really cut out to be a Joker, so I'll need your help! Send your Jokes to my e-mail and leave your name behind and you will be given the credit for it! Thanks in advance! :) Alright! let's laugh away!


Survival
There are 3 survivors on an island, they wanted to get to the other side which is 20 miles away. So, the first one jumps in, he managed to swim for 10 miles, unfortunately he got very tired and drowned. Next there goes the 2nd one, he managed to swim for 15 miles, however, he too, got too tried and met with the same fate as the first one. Finally, the 3rd one jumps in, he swims till 19 miles! Just 1 more mile to go! But he said: "I am too tired! I can't go on!" and so he swims back.....
Sumitted by BabyDonkey on 15/9/2000

My Parrot flew away!
Simone was weeping in tears....
Mum: What's wrong Simone? Why are you crying?
Simone: My parrot flew away when I was cleaning the cage! *sob*
Mum: What did you clean the cage with?
Simone: I clean the cage with a vaccum cleaner.
Sumitted by BabyDonkey on 15/9/2000

What's your secret?
Here's a secret to get good results in exams: A day before your exams, sleep on your books as a pillow and the next day, before you step into the examination room, burn your books and dissolve the ashes into water and drink it! (Do not try it, ya gonna suffer severe neck crams and suffer from stomach aches depending on the condition of the books!)
Sumitted by BabyDonkey on 16/9/2000

When Diablo, the lord of evil steps into the mortal realm of the today.....
Diablo: I swear I'll never step into mortal realm again!
*shivers*
Diablo's Minions: Why master? What happened?
Diablo: As soon as I step into the mortal realm.....Rain of homework, certificates and diplomas were thrown at me and I was nearly sucked into a world of cyberspace gaming by a bunch of kids! Next, mothers are hitting me with brooms and tried to enslave me to do their housework! Finally, I was reduced to a wimp when fathers overwhelmed me with overdue Credit card bills, Phone bills, Fines, unpaid rent! I was lucky enough to get out of there alive!*chills*
Diablo's Minions: Our master to be so badly humilated by........
Diablo: That's not all......*sob*
Diablo's Minions: WhAt!?
Diablo: A group of teengers with Sharp-looking hair, and some with bald hair at corners approached me. They behave like zombies, except that they couldn't walk in straight lines...... Diablo's Minions: What did you do when they approached you? You set them on fire?
Diablo: No....*sob* before I could burn them into ashes, they made me drink something that causes me to feel dizzy. I only came to my senses when they started to pull my skin and I was screaming in pain.
Diablo Minions: No wonder you are crawling back here......
Diablo: I swear no ordinary devil could survive a day down there! I'll be back mortals! As soon as my nightmare about my day in the mortal realm dissolves......
Diablo Minions: sigh.......
Sumitted by BabyDonkey on 17/9/2000

Untreatable Disease?
Patient: I am sick, I need more tests
Doctor: I already have 10 tests with you and I am sure there is nothing wrong with you!
Patient: Are you sure you are a qualified doctor?
Doctor: How dare you criticize me! I was a doctor before you were born!
Patient: No wonder you are an unqualified doctor....and for your info, I could be your father!
Doctor: Hey! I am a professional doctor and you are not qualified to be my father! Why don't you tell me what you are suffering from?
Patient: Olympic Fever
Docotor: I can't believe I have forgotten this group of "survivors".....
Sumitted by BabyDonkey on 17/9/2000

The Wish...
A man who could not tolerate his wife anymore has moved out of his house and by fortune, he found a magic lamp. The Genie could grant him 3 wishes but his wife gets double for what he wished for. And so, the man wished for a Bungalow, his wife gets 2. He started to get impatient and wished for a million dollars, and his wife got 2 million dollars. Finally, he got angry and after careful thinking he said: "I wish you could beat me Half-Dead!"
Sumitted by BabyDonkey on 20/9/2000

Walk in the desert
A blond, dirty blond, and bernet,were riding across a desert the jeep broke down. the bernet grabbed a couple of candy bars and said we might get hungry ( they decided to walk) the dirty blond got a gallon of water and said we might get thirsty and the blond ripped of the door of the jeep and said if we get hot we might wanna roll down the window.
Sumitted by htgy3001 on 15/8/2001

What killed the dog?
This boy walks into a store and buys a lot of laundry detergant. Store Clerk: You gotta lotta clothes to wash kid? Boy: Nah, I'm gonna use this on my dog Store Clerk: You can't use that on your dog it's too strong, it might kill it Boy: I'm gonna use it anyway two days later the boy comes back for some candy. Store Clerk: How's your dog doing boy? Boy: oh, He died Store Clerk: I told you so Boy: I dont think it was the detergant, I think it was the spin Cycle.
Sumitted by STACIEREDD@aol.com on 15/8/2001

Caterpillar Joke
One day, Mr. Caterpillar decided to hitch a ride to town. As he was standing by the roadside, a family of bees came by in a little car and offered him a ride. Gratefully, he accepted. After putting along merrily for a few kilometers, the engine sputtered, and the car rolled to a halt. Without saying a word, Papa Bee alighted and urinated into the fuel intake. When he turned the starter, the engine started up, much to Mr Caterpillar's amazement!? However, he did not say a word. The car went on for quite some distance before the engine died again. This time, it was Mother Bee who urinated into the fuel intake, and again,the car started up after that. The process was then repeated again for Baby Bee. By the time the engine died for the fourth time, the little car was only a few kilometers from town. Not wanting to appear unsophisticated, Mr Caterpillar got out of the car without a word, and started opening the fuel cap? In a flash, Papa Bee got out of the car. "What are you doing?" asked Papa Bee. "I'm going to piss in the fuel intake, just like you did", said Mr Caterpillar. "Oh, no", said Papa Bee patiently, "that won't do. This car only runs on Bee Pee" (BP).
Sumitted by Chen Peiqin on 30/8/2001

Desert Walkers...
2 men meet eachother in the desert, the first one with a big statue on his back, the other one with a phone booth on his back. The man with the statue asks: "Why do you need that phone booth?" The other one says: "if I see a wild animal, I crawl into the phone booth." "Oh, thats good", says the man with the statue. And they walk further untill the one with phone booth says:" Why do you have a statue on your back?" The other answers: "If I see a wild animal then I drop it, then can I run faster."
Sumitted by Jasper Souff on 19/5/2002


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