Seven-Eleven



The ancient society of the 7-11 has a rich cultural background which includes wasting stuff at the local 711 and walking out without buying anything. This historic religion is so famous, even your god is in it. Allah, Buddha, and all the rest of the "gods" are nothing compared to our god. Do you wanna know why? Because there is no god!! We live the way we want to when we want to. Weather you're interested in joining my religious society, want to donate millions of dolllars to our cause, or you just wanna read stuff, scroll down and read about the sacred 10 commandments.



10 Commandments

1. Thou must casually drop by thy local 7-11 after school/work.
2. When thou is in thy local 7-11 thou must comply with section 1 of the Behavior Commandments.
3. When thou is walking away from thy local 7-11, thou must comply to section 2 of the Behavior Commandments.
4. When thou is consuming something, thou must comply with section 3 of the Behavior Commandments.
5. Thou must ridicule boy scouts and "Ranger Bob" as described in section 4.
6. AOL sucks un-holy demon ass as described in section 5
7. Thou must never chick-flicks without thy girlfriend.
8. Thou must hate gangster people (yes, that includes girls) as described in section 6.
9. In case you lose your copy of the commandments, you have brought great shame to yourself and must cordially end your life... now.
10. There is no devil. The wrongs which have been done are your own fault and not some wanna-be god's fault.


The Behavior Commandments


1.0-When in thy local 7-11, one must mindlessly waste as much straws and Big Gulp caps as one may without being kicked out.
1.1-While trying to snap on the cap, one must pretend it doesn't fit, while saying the holy words: Oops, it doesn't fit.
1.2-One must repeat steps 1.1 over and over every day until fatigue or thirst kick in.
1.3-If asked to put down backpack, one must ridicule funny man in wheelchair (only applies to people in certain 7-11's)
1.4-One must ridicule Arabian men behind the counter (this includes ridiculing their funny hats and accents)
1.5-One must buy at least one chocolate from the funny Arab men.
1.6-Thou must make un-holy references of the funny Arab men to Osama Bin Laden ("Oh, look call the Police, it's Osama Bin Laden!")


2.0-When thou is walking away from thy local 7-11, thou must laugh loudly and rudely while eating what thy has just bought at thy local 7-11.
2.1-If thou sees a "pig" while consuming thy products, thy must (if you have balls) smash thy products within pig's view.
2.2-If thou complys with section 2.1 then thou must run for thy life.


3.0-When thou is 3/4 way finished with what thou is consuming, thou must ask if fellow man wants what thou is consuming.
3.1-If thou receives a "yes" to section 3.0, thou must mockingly drop that which thou is consuming.
3.2-This might make thy fellow man mad and full of un-holy spirits when this happens, so, thou must laugh as if drunk with holy wine.


4.0-When one comes into visual contact with the one they call "Kyle"or other boy scouts, one must comply with jokes 4.1 through 4.3.
4.1-Boy scouts are for gay white boys with crappy hair styles (Kyle).
4.2-"Ranger Bob" refers to any male over the age of 18 in a boy scout uniform.
4.3-Ranger Bob shouldn't waste time teaching "boys" how to sew (and other feminine activities) when Ranger Bob could be looking for girls.

5.0-AOL is a cheap excuse for an ISP and should be avoided at all costs.
5.1-The little AOL man is the devil.
5.2-Thy cursed man is thy god's evil nemises and shoult be despised at all times.
5.3-Dont be fooled by the evil "running" of the man since it is full of evil and hatred.
5.4-Thy running leads into temptation and complete destruction.


6.0-Gangs and other rap-listening tribes should be avoided at all costs.
6.1-Thou shallt not date gangster clown girls (Rumor has it that Mimi is their leader).
6.2-Evil gangster tribes steal from our churches (7-11's).
6.3-Their talk confuses all. Please see Rapper's dictionary here for translation.
6.4-Clown girls will fill your bodies with evil STD's.


If thou complys with the holy commandments thou shallt be sent to "Outer Heaven" (not a guarantee). Failing to comply with the holy commandments will lead to a life of sticking shards of broken glass up your ass and sitting in a bathtub full of Tapatio sauce singing the boy scout anthem.