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The New Bob World Guardian, PO Box OU812, Septic City, New Bob





GRATE AMERICANS
- Part 1 -





PHRINGUS FULLER MALARKEY

BIOGRAPHY

Phringus Fuller Malarkey, founder and poster boy of the Communist Party of Appalachia, was born in a covered wagon. The Malarkey's had eat some bad beans for supper and some of them had to sleep outside in the wagon.

Young Phringus proved to bee an inner sting and inquisitive young feller which led to all kinds of adventures. Oncest the boy tried to fly by jumping out of a 15 story winder. Only he landed in old lady McKinney's wringer warsher on the 14th floor. "I reckonized that boy as geenyus frum jump!" remembers old lady McKinney. "But I made him do that lode over agin!"

Big for his age, Phringus wuz able to finagle his way up the publik skule system and graduated after only 17 years, a skule record.

He then bought a rack coon skin coat and cap and in the fall entered college. Although he was promptly ushered out for trespassing, Phringus had reeched his lifelong goal of wearing his rack coon outfit in public.

The next day, during his post-college years, Phringus became a profyoos inventor. Why, many of his inventions are still in use today, including ball point pens that skip, ball point pens that fall apart, ball point pens that leak and ruin yore best shirt, socks that creep down in yore shoes, and the parking ticket. Anko bought the license to one of his more successful inventions - wiper blades that "... skip over that part of the windshield that is raht in front of yore eyes!" This built up the boy quite a few shekels.

Phringus, being a big eater, then decided to jump into the food bidness, but in an unfortunate bidness decision, Malarkey invested heavily in Sambo's Restaurants at jest exactly the wrong time.

Discouraged by his capitalistic experiences, Malarkey headed over to the local lie-berry and dug out ever thang he could on politics. When he run acrost a book by Marx, called "Tune Up Yore Own Car." The boy new he had found the answer to his problams. After reeding the book from civer to civer, Phringus immediately went home and changed the spark plugs on his Nash Rambler. Then he warshed up, had a big supper and fell asleep watching Vanna's Christmas Spayshul.

The next day Phringus went out and started up the Communist Party of Appalachia,

Welp, that's about it and the rest is history.



Lern more about Phringus Fuller Malarkey
and the Communist Party of Appalachia
(Watch fer the PBS spayshul one of these days.)





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