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The New Bob World Guardian, PO Box OU812, Septic City, New Bob,
Chewsdee, July 16, 2002
EXTRY!! EXTRY!!!
REED ALL ABOUT IT!!!
New Bobbleheads Warned:
Prepare for Mud-Slangin!
by I. Sawyer Wydess
Staph reporter
Perpetual goober natorial candidate, Guv Bob says his campaign advisor Phringus Malarkey has urged his Tar & Feathers Party to prepare for yet another mud-slangin election agin this year.
As the New Bob Parla-mint pledged its full support for Guv Bob and his steps to defend the Party Hindquarters, Phringus Malarkey recalled the last mud-slangin:
"All New Bobbleheads must be ... prepared on the psychological level to oppose any of Idjit BoB's Bull Frog Party attacks and support the burden of the mud-slangin that risks being more ferocious than that of 1998."
Phringus bares his soles
In a document presented to Parla-mint at a spayshul session to discuss the threat of Idjit BoB's Bull Frog Party attack, Phringus Malarkey, hisself a Tar & Feathers member, called for "strict security measures and the satisfaction of the basic needs of members" to avoid a repeat of the "treacherous acts" which Tar & Feathers Party witnessed in 2002.
Phringus Malarkey was referring to the Fat City uprising in northern Rodham County, south of the Party Hindquarters in March 2002, in the wake of Idjit BoB's opening of a can of whoop-ass which saw a Bull Frog Party-led coalition expel some of New Bob's finest from the B-Mart donut shop.
Preparations were underway and "we will teach Idjit BoB and his Bull Frog Partiers a lesson they'll not shortly forgit thank yew vury much," New Bob Drug Czar Virginia Slims, told reporters on the sidelines of the Parla-mintary session.
New Saalem-Filters crush-proof pact
Foreign Minister and part-time sireen Ellen M. Filters also later went on New Bob satellite television to confirm that the Tar & Feathers Party would defend itself against any Bull Frog Party attack, and appealed to other neighbor countries to show their solidarity. Several foreign dignitaries were present, including His Royal Hineys King Saalem Min-Thull who arrived last night from the desert country of Winston-Saalem, with a pack of camels.
Tar & Feathers members said in statement released at the session's end that they were "fully behind the command of Guv Bob and support all steps he has taken or will take in the future to defend the security of Tar & Feathers Party, its independence and its national regime, including the break room."
Parliament will send delegations to other countries as part of an information campaign on Idjit BoB and his Bull Frog Party threats, which represent a "violation of the Septic City charter," Yoo bin "Smokin" Saleems, head of the New Bob Parla-mint's committee for international affairs, told NBWG.
Messages will also be sent to the Idjit BoB's Bull Frog Party Congress, bin "Smokin" said, not ruling out the possibility of holding talks with senators "if they were ready for a just and fair discussion."
Baboon league welcomes life insurance salesmen
Bin "Smokin" Saleems later told reporters the Parla-mint would also propose an extraordinary meeting of the 22-member Baboon League to discuss these Bull Frog Party threats, as well as a joint meeting with the Security Council of Life Insurance Salesmen.
It is said that Idjit BoB has renewed a pledge to use "all tools" at his disposal to oust Guv Bob, whom Idjit BoB and his Bull Frog Partiers accuse of developing weapons of mass destruction.
The prospect of Idjit BoB's Bull Frog Party mudslinging was further heightened after July 4-5 talks between the Tar & Feathers Party and the Baboon League on the return of NBC outhouse inspectors to Tar & Feathers Party Hindquarters broke down.
Monday's 90-minute Parla-mintary session was attended by most of Tar & Feathers Party's 250 members, about 20 of whom took the floor to urge neighbouring countries to oppose any facility their governments might lend to a Bull Frog Party attack on the Tar & Feathers Party Hindquarters.
Phringus brings news of help from Jo Jo the Dawgface boy
They also called for all borders to be opened to allow Baboon volunteers who wanted to help defend Tar & Feathers Party to travel into the Party Hindquarters.
Phringus Malarkey said in the document he submitted to Parla-mint that such an attack would be launched from neighboring Piggly Wiggly Valley, "which has been, historically, the origin of attacks against Tar & Feathers Party."
But he did not rule out Baboonia and Joe Joe the Dawgface Boy taking part in carrying out a Idjit BoB's Bull Frog Party plan against Tar & Feathers Party".
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