~"Machine Head" by Bush plays as we open up to another edition of GWA Sunday Night Impact!~
Jim McNally: We are just a week away from GWA Crunch Time on Pay Per View, and we welcome you to a new edition of GWA Sunday Night Impact!
Will E. Mazing: And, heyyy, this isn't just a review show this week... you see, tonight, our card is jam-packed with the top superstars in GWA!
JM: That's right Will, and, in our main event, it'll be Triple Zero, which is Bill Ingram, "The Dancing Dragon", and Q5, up against Pyro, Canadian Perfect, and DJ!
WM: There is definitely some bad blood there, but that's not all!
JM: Right you are, Will, as Chazz is going to face off against DVD!
WM: DVD cost Chazz's partner, Death, the Intercontinental Title on Mayhem, and now Chazz is looking for some revenge.
The Million Dollar Man's Theme plays and Chainsaw comes to the ring.
Brian Walker: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. First, coming to the ring, from Austin, Texas. He weighs in at 250 pounds... Chainsaw!
JM: Well, the Oil Tycoon certainly has had his battles with the XWF recently.
WM: If Boomer's the General of the GWA army, then Chainsaw is definitely the Captain or the Admiral or whatever the next level under General is, Jim.
Thunderstruck plays and Max Powers comes to the ring.
Brian Walker: Next, coming to the ring. From New Jersey, he weighs in at 260 pounds... Max Powers.
JM: Well, Max Powers is a newcomer to the GWA, and he wanted this matchup against Chainsaw.
WM: This should be an interesting matchup here between these two, here we go!
JM: Chainsaw and Max Powers lock up, and Chainsaw with the whip off the ropes.
WM: Chainsaw hits a back body drop, and now Chainsaw is back to his feet.
JM: Max Powers with a thumb to the eye of Chainsaw, and now some right hands.
WM: Now Max Powers sends Chainsaw off the ropes and goes for a clothesline.
JM: Chainsaw ducked the clothesline from Max Powers, and he hit one of his own!
WM: Chainsaw follows that up with a nice elbow drop to the rookie.
JM: Chainsaw makes the cover.
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2
JM: Max Powers got his shoulder up.
WM: Now Chainsaw gets Max Powers to his feet, and Max Powers now fights back with some chops to the ring veteran.
JM: Max Powers now hits a knee, and he whips Chainsaw into the corner.
WM: Max Powers with a charging knee to Chainsaw, and now a snapmare out of the corner.
JM: Chainsaw shows his toughness and gets back up, but to no avail... Powers with a boot, and a nice suplex!
WM: Max Powers makes the cover.
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2
WM: Chainsaw was able to kick out.
JM: Max Powers gets Chainsaw up to his feet, and Chainsaw hits a nice chin crusher!
WM: Now Chainsaw is to his feet, just waiting for Max Powers to get up!
JM: That was The Leg Chopper, and that can only mean one thing! Chainsaw is going upstairs!
WM: Hang on, that's God David coming from the back, and he has his little friend, the lead pipe!
JM: Chainsaw's on the top rope... God David's getting on the apron, and he gives Chainsaw a whack with the pipe!
WM: The referee is calling for the bell... what's going on here? What is this?
JM: Max Powers is now stomping away at Chainsaw, and now he's getting him to his feet!
WM: Uh oh... he's setting up for something... what a huge move!
JM: He calls that the Power Surge, Chainsaw wins by disqualification, but Max Powers certainly had the last laugh!
WM: Could Max Powers be the next to join up with the XWF, Jim?
~Commercial Break~
~Thanks to ????? for this next match~
Will E. Mazing: We are back on this jam packed Impact, we have just seen the GWA get one win tonight, will it continue with this match?
Jim McNally: Well, this next match should be an interesting one, to say the least.
Will E. Mazing: Yes it should, we've got the big man from the XWF, The Yure, taking on the GWA's singular Gigli fan, The Flaming Squirrel.
Brian Walker: This next matchup is scheduled for one fall. First, coming to the ring, weighing in at 500 pounds, The Yure!
The Big Show's Theme plays as heads to the ring.
JM: The XWF has a big advantage on their side with this guy, no pun intended.
WM: Yure is in the ring and here comes his opponent.
Brian Walker: And his opponent, weighing in at 405 pounds, The Flaming Squirrel!
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies plays as The Flaming Squirrel makes his way towards the ring.
JM: Now here comes one strange fellow.
WM: You got that right Jim, only this guy could be a fan of Gigli.
JM: Well the Squirrel has gotten in the ring now and I think this one is about to get started.
WM: The bell rings and we are underway...or are we?
JM: Well The Flaming Squirrel is leaning over the ropes and arguing with a group of fans over something.
WM: I think I hear them screaming something about Gigli sucking, I bet the Squirrel doesn't like that.
JM: Yure was standing there watching Flaming Squirrel but he is walking up slowly behind FS.
WM: The squirrel better stop worrying about the fans and turn around, Oh, it's too late!
JM: Yure just big booted Flaming Squirrel in the back, sending him flying through the ropes.
WM: What a shot, Yure's boot hit Flaming Squirrel right between the shoulder blades, and the squirrel went flying to the outside.
JM: Flaming Squirrel rolled as soon as he hit the ground and hit his head on the guardrail, I'm surprised that didn't knock him out right there!
WM: The ref is starting the count, but Flaming Squirrel is already stirring.
1...
JM: He is getting up, slowly but surely.
2...
3...
WM: Yure is taunting all of the GWA fans who are booing him for his cheap shot.
4...
JM: The Flaming Squirrel is up and rubbing his head.
WM: Yeah, the squirrel looks like he was hit by a truck or something.
5...
JM: FS is back in the ring now, and he is going after Yure.
WM: Maybe that violent fall knocked some sense into the guy, he is really taking it to Yure.
JM: Punch after punch from Flaming Squirrel to Yure, this is the first time I've seen this much intensity from FS.
WM: Yure is backed into the corner, Flaming Squirrel is laying the boots to him.
JM: Flaming Squirrel moves back now, letting Yure fall completely horizontal in front of the turnbuckle.
WM: The squirrel runs off of the ropes, Oh My God, did I just see what I thought I saw?
JM: I think you did Will E. Flaming Squirrel just came off of the ropes and hit Yure with a flipping Senton Splash.
WM: You just don't normally see that kind of thing from the Squirrel.
JM: Flaming Squirrel grabbing Yure and pulling him to his feet now.
WM: The Squirrel lifts him up!
JM: Wow! FS lifted him into a suplex and then turned it into a powerslam.
WM: He could have the Yure beat here.
JM: He isn't pinning him though, he is going over to the turnbuckle.
WM: Flaming Squirrel is climbing up, what is going to happen here?
JM: FS is now on the top turnbuckle and pointing down towards Yure, the crowd is going wild!
WM: Hold on one minute, a fan that the Squirrel was arguing with earlier just threw something out of the crowd and hit Flaming Squirrel.
JM: Flaming Squirrel just fell off of the top turnbuckle and landed on his back inside the ring.
WM: What was that object Jim?
JM: I don't know, but the referee has went to the outside and picked it up, throwing it to the side.
WM: Those fans better watch out, they'll get in trouble if they keep that stuff up.
JM: You can't necessarily blame them Will, the hate of Gigli can cause people to do crazy things.
WM: Flaming Squirrel is down and so is Yure.
JM: Flaming Squirrel and Yure are both still showing signs of life though, I don't believe either one of them are out of this just yet.
WM: Yure is getting up first, and Flaming Squirrel isn't too far behind.
JM: Yure is up and he quickly heads towards FS who is just starting to stand.
WM: Yure with a clothesline, that sent the Squirrel up against the ropes.
JM: Yure moves over and whips FS now.
WM: The Squirrel comes off the ropes and Yure lifts him up.
JM: Yure Slam! This match might have just ended here.
WM: The Yure is pinning him.
1...
2.....
JM: 3...NO, Wait, Flaming Squirrel just barely got out of it.
WM: Yure almost had him there, I think that frustrated him to get that close and not get the win.
JM: Yure is standing back up and he is dragging Flaming Squirrel to his feet as well.
WM: Yure looks like he may be going for a powerbomb.
JM: Yure goes to lift him and strains to pull him up.
WM: That's wild stuff! Yure has managed to lift The Squirrel up for a powerbomb.
JM: But don't celebrate for Yure just yet Will, he is having trouble keeping Flaming Squirrel up, he had better slam him now.
WM: It's too late now, Yure can't keep him up, he falls backwards.
JM: Ouch, Flaming Squirrel lands on Yure.
WM: Yure may be a powerful guy, but that Squirrel was just too heavy for a powerbomb attempt.
JM: Flaming Squirrel is standing back up now, waiting for Yure to get to his feet.
WM: That fall really took it out of Yure, look how slowly he is getting up.
JM: But Flaming Squirrel isn't even trying to capitalize on this advantage, he is just standing there and waiting.
WM: It's kinda strange Jim, that first big fall seemed to fire up the Squirrel, but the second seems to have taken him back to normal.
JM: Well, Yure is back up now and he is receiving a blank stare from FS.
WM: Yure is just waiting for the Squirrel to try something, but the stupid squirrel is still just staring at him.
JM: The crowd doesn't like this, just listen to that booing.
WM: Flaming Squirrel finally shows signs of brain activity.
JM: FS lets out a high pitched scream and charges towards Yure.
WM: That didn't work for Squirrel at all, Yure just planted a kick to his stomach.
JM: I know what's next, Yure Stunner!
WM: Yure going for the pin.
1...
2...
3...
JM: Yure wins it, Flaming Squirrel's inane approach to wrestling just didn't work for him tonight.
WM: Who knows Jim, if The Dumb Squirrel could just stay focused on wrestling instead of Gigli he might have a chance.
JM: Well anyways, now we are onto our next match, The Assassin Vs. Chivo, it should be a great one.....right after this.
~Commercial Break~
~Backstage~
~We see Boomer in his office, going through a couple of suitcases, notably wearing a giant red foam cowboy hat, an orange Hawaiian shirt, sandals, and orange and blue swim trunks. We pick up here.~
Boomer: I know you miss my lovin', my thuggin', Thug Lovin'.
~Someone knocks on the door~
Boomer: Come on in.
~The door opens and ????? walks into Boomer's office~
?????: Hey, Boomer, I need a favo... what the #e!! are you wearing?!
Boomer: Vacation clothes, (Crowd cheers) after all, I am leaving for Myrtle Beach on Tuesday. Gotta help Smelly set up for the wedding, and I have to direct setup for Crunch Time. Whatever free time I have is ALL mine! (Crowd cheers)
?????: OK, wonderful, but listen, I need a favor.
Boomer: And what would that be?
?????: Well, you see, when Pyro turned his back on the GWA, it really struck a nerve with us in the back, particularly me, Ingram, and Hiroyuki. (Crowd cheers) If you ask me, he should be grateful to this company, and...
Boomer: You're right, I'm giving you a raise. (Crowd cheers) Go on.
?????: Well Boomer, I want to be the one to take care of Pyro at Crunch Time. (Crowd cheers)
Boomer: Q5, your request has granted. (Crowd cheers) And, hey, I'll even throw in the Hardcore Title on the line. (Crowd cheers) Now, you should go get ready for your match, I'll definitely be watching. (Crowd cheers)
?????: OK, thanks Boomer.
Boomer: No problem.
~????? exits the office, but then Mix 'n Match enters... oddly enough, wearing the exact same thing as Boomer.~
Mix 'n Match: Hey Boomer, oh, great sense of style! (Crowd cheers) What did ol' Q'ey want?
Boomer: Oh, just to face Pyro at Crunch Time, anyway, what can I do for you?
Mix 'n Match: Well, you see, I need a match too, this one of the tag team kind. (Crowd cheers) The thing is, my partner doesn't know it yet... (Crowd cheers)
~Ringside~
JM: Well, apparentley, we lost the transmission... who is Mix 'n Match's "partner" for this match he wants?
WM: I'm not sure, but I have a feeling I know who it is... I'm not gonna say though in case I'm right.
Hail Mary plays and The Assassin comes to the ring.
Brian Walker: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. First, coming to the ring, from Lexington, Kentucky. He weighs in at 280 pounds... The Assassin!
JM: Assassin is going to face off against Chivo in this grudge match
WM: This match was signed after last week, where The Assassin was attacked by Team XWF.
Bad Boy plays and Chivo comes to the ring.
Brian Walker: And his opponent, weighing in at 285 pounds... Chivo!
JM: And Chivo is coming to the ring... this should be a very even match, Will.
WM: You've got that right, Assassin might have a slight height advantage, but their strength, as well as pretty much their size, are the same.
JM: Both of these men are in the ring, and you have to especially believe that Assassin is ready to kick @$$.
WM: Here we go, The Assassin starts right away on Chivo with some right hands.
JM: Now the whip off the ropes, and a huge clothesline to Chivo, sending him to the mat!
WM: Chivo gets back to his feet, and now they lock up... and Chivo with a hairgrab faceplant.
JM: That's funny, Assassin has no hair... anyway, Chivo now has Assassin to his feet, and is delivering some big chops!
WM: Chivo now whips The Assassin off the ropes, and he hits a nice inverted atomic drop on the former GWA Champion!
JM: Chivo goes for the quick cover.
1
2
JM: The Assassin got his shoulder up.
WM: Chivo with some hard stomps to The Assassin, and now he gets Assassin up to his feet.
JM: Chivo whips, The Assassin reverses, and The Assassin with a hiptoss to Chivo!
WM: Chivo now gets back up, Assassin catches him, and he hits a side belly to belly suplex!
JM: The Assassin now runs off the ropes as Chivo gets to his feet, and he hits the big boot!
WM: The Assassin is going for the win!
1
2
WM: Almost a three count, but not quite.
JM: Now The Assassin gets Chivo back to his feet, and Assassin whips Chivo.
WM: Chivo reversed, and The Assassin went right into the referee!
JM: Chivo tries with a clothesline, but Assassin ducked... and now The Assassin hits a boot!
WM: Uh oh, you know what this means, Jim! The Assassin with the 1-8-7 on Chivo!
JM: Wait a second, El Locon is coming from the crowd, and the ref is still down!
WM: Assassin turns around, and he's hit with El Loco from #e!!! What a move!
JM: El Locon pulls Chivo on top of Assassin, the ref is coming to!
1
2
3
Brian Walker: Your winner of this match, Chivo!
WM: Chivo didn't win this match in the fairest of ways, but still, it's a mark in the win column!
~Orange and purple lights start flashing around the arena, and The Oddities Theme begins playing. Mix 'n Match runs to the ring.~
JM: Hang on, here comes Mix 'n Match to the rescue! For the second show in a row!
WM: Mix 'n Match gets into the ring, and some right hands to Chivo, backing Chivo up into the corner!
JM: And you know what this means... Driving DDT right into the turnbuckle on Chivo!
WM: Now here comes El Locon with a clothesline, but Mix ducks, and he hits the spinning dropkick!
JM: El Locon is now down, and Mix 'n Match is going up top... uh oh... here it is!
WM: The Drunk Flip! Mix 'n Match hits the Drunk Flip on El Locon, and now he and Chivo are both out of the ring, trying to collect themselves!
JM: Mix 'n Match has a microphone, what does he possibly have to say?
Mix 'n Match: Hey there, funboys, there's one thing that I can't stand, and that is people messing with eachother's matches when they have no reason to do it! (Crowd cheers) Luckily for me, though, I can have a little bit of play time with you two at Crunch Time. (Crowd cheers) Because, you see, I just talked to Boomer, and I just got a match signed for next Sunday. It'll be Team XWF against yours truly, and also another man you two don't seem to cater to very well... The Assassin! (Crowd cheers)
WM: Ha, I knew it! The Assassin is going to be Mix 'n Match's partner for Crunch Time!
JM: Judging by the look on Assassin's face, he doesn't looked all too pleased with this.
WM: Well, I think he'd much rather prefer to be teamed with... I don't know... himself? We'll be right back!
~Commercial Break~
~I need to post the Mayhem Card and e-mail everybody the week's assignments... so I'm gonna sum the rest of this.~
Chazz vs. DVD- Chazz and DVD put on a technical display for all of the fans. This was a great technical match, which went back and forth throughout the entire thing. It ended when DVD hit the DVD Cutter after escaping being hit with The Chazzer. DVD wins the match, but he didn't stop here, as he went to the outside and grabbed a steel chair. DVD then cracked Chazz over the back with the chair at least five or six times, before Death came running to the ring. When Death got into the ring, DVD clocked him with the chair. He then put the chair down, and gave Death the DVD Cutter right on it.
~In a backstage interview with Kevin Smelly, Bill Ingram and Hiroyuki Morimoto were asked if they still held a grudge against The Monte Brisas Outlaws. Bill Ingram said that that shouldn't even be a question, because the obvious answer was yes. Ingram then came up with an idea, just to "settle the little grudge", which had The Monte Brisas Outlaws putting their titles on the line, and The Small Business Partners to put their titles on the line in a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs Match at Crunch Time.
Triple Zero vs. Pyro, Canadian Perfect, and DJ- The stable of Bill Ingram, ?????, and The Dancing Dragon worked well together, using some great teamwork. Of course, that's not to say that the XWF representatives in this one didn't use good teamwork either. Each three man team was able to isolate an opponent for a while, with Triple Zero isolating DJ, and Pyro, Perfect, and DJ able to isolate the new GWA Cruiserweight Champion, Hiroyuki Morimoto. The match ended when, with the referee distracted, Raven came and hung ????? up on the ropes, which was followed by a rollup by Pyro for the win.
After the match, Pyro, Canadian Perfect, and The Monte Brisas Outlaws started a four-on-three attack on Triple Zero. But then, relief came, that relief coming in the form of Boomer and Y-Pac to the ring. Boomer and Y-Pac joined forces with Triple Zero to get their adversaries down, and Triple Zero, Boomer, and Y-Pac all stood tall as Impact came to a close.