it's been a couple of weeks since we last saw each other and I guess I'm missing u. i was in high school when i gave this guy i liked a series of letters i had written. aah, the folly of youth! not like you're gonna ever see these letters, but it makes me feel better to write them down.

i've been missing you a lot lately. been thinking about you and wondering if you were ok. i know you would tell me that you're doing alright and for me not to worry about you, but that's impossible. it makes me sad and upset that you're living life without support. i wish i could just make things better for you. i wish i could make you smile all the time. so you don't get angry and walk off.

you do things like walk off and disregard what's going on when you get upset. would i be able to even hang with that? i don't know. i wouldn't let it go. couldn't watch you walk away upset without wanting to talk to you and try to make you feel better by telling me what was going on.

but that's not a guy's way is it? girls want to talk and guys want to walk. where can we find a balance between the two? would you want to find a balance or would you be so tied up in your emotional distress that you couldn't see to finding a compromise? and could i let you walk off without trying to placate you--comfort and console you in some way? could i just wait for you to find your center and then come back to me for that consolation i so long to give you?

i don't understand why i miss you as much as i do. i didn't expect to. i suppose i'm just comfy around you. it's hard to be comfy around guys. but there it is...i almost wish i could send this to you. but you're not in a place where you can deal with it. at least i don't think so.

i hope that you are enjoying life. i wish i were a larger part of your life. i wish you thought about me regularly but somehow i doubt it. you talk to me whenever i'm there but i don't really know you. i haven't spent enough time with you to really know you and you're too far away for anything to happen. and i'm too old for you. i know you don't want to hear that. what i mean is that you're just starting and i'm in the middle of what i want. i'm ready to settle down. not necessarily have children, but be with someone long term. and you're just beginning to get to know the dating world. i wouldn't want to force you to settle down before you were ready. though it would be nice. :^D