BURNOUT

12 years of Heartburn, NOT!

I'd like to say that the Burnout was created to spread the enjoyment of chiles among a wider audience, the truth is something simpler. In the tasteless void known as the Garden State, one must grow his own chiles in order to get good quality fresh chiles. In 1983, My garden overflowed with more chiles than I was able to consume (I hadn't gotten into drying, or making sauces). I asked some friends to come on over for a pepper picking party. I made a few rules based upon the sado-masochistic notion of seeing how much pain one could endure from the chiles. The original rules for the Burnout were:

1. Contestants will make a dish containing chiles.

2. At least � of the peppers used in the dish must come from my garden.

3. Contestants must pick their own peppers, no earlier than 2 days prior to the Burnout.

4. A prize will be given to the hottest edible dish.

The event caught on. I grew a wider variety of peppers. I was searching for a selection of chiles that gave me the most range of taste sensations, textures, aroma, color all were as important to me as a fiery burn. At the zenith of my search, I grew 75 varieties (at least 3 plants of each variety). By the 12th Burnout I had reduced the number of varieties to 18.

Perhaps the most surprising bit of burnout trivia, Chili was not entered as a dish until Burnout VII. Oriental dishes and Salsas dominated the first few Burnouts. Chocolate covered Thai peppers were served in Burnout IV, and a rule requiring one to eat their own dish was added from Burnout V as a result (to eliminate pure sadism as a way to win the contest). Dishes containing Habaneros have won the hottest edible dish award 9 out of the 12 years I held the Burnout. There was no Burnout XIII.

When I moved from NJ to AZ, I no longer needed to grow my own peppers. I found all 18 of my favorites on the shelves of the local grocery stores. The most important reason, I wouldn't have been able to fit everyone into the apartment we had moved into (now this house may enable me to hold it once more).

Burnout IV was made memorable by more than the Chocolate covered Thai peppers. One neighbor made the mistake of attending that party to find out what we were like. He tried the Chocolate, managed to spit it into a paper napkin without getting too badly burned. He fixed his plate, he had a slice of cornbread, some Cajun spiced rice, and a stuffed surprise. I wasn't in the same room, or he would have had a warning as to what he had taken. As described to me by the witnesses, here is what happened. He started off by taking a fork full of the stuffed pepper. The Ancho pepper on his plate had been stuffed with an Habanero pepper that in turn had been stuffed with a Thai pepper. He tried to wash that down with some beer, started to gasp, a voice told him to eat the rice. The rice was hotter than his bite of stuffed pepper had been, as he hadn't gotten to the Habanero. As he gasped again, he thought about the cornbread. Surely sweet corn bread would ease his plight. Sorry about that, it was a Jamaican cornbread that contained pieces of Habanero within its crust. It was hotter than the dishes he had just tried. He was sweating profusely as he said good bye to my wife and I. He never returned for another Burnout.

The local newspapers caught wind of Burnout V. One of my friends asked if he could give my invitation to the food reviewer, and I told him to go ahead. The photographer arrived first; she took some shots of the peppers and noted the names of the dishes she photographed (Pain Pie, Sweat Right Now glazed ham, etc.). She made a few excuses (I ate already, I'm on a very strict diet), and left without partaking in our feast as soon as the food editor showed up.

The food editor took a look at the food, remarking about how interesting some of the dishes looked. She liked the crossed bone imprints for the eyes in the smiley face that had been made on the Pain Pie. She marveled at the colors in different Salsas. She said she couldn't wait to sample the Coconut Curry with beef that was making most of us hungry. But then she saw the garden. I had 70 varieties of chile peppers growing at the time. She had to go see each plant for herself.

I escorted her to the garden, a group of friends came out as well. We walked among the Anchos, Chile tepins, Chile pequins, Hungarian Wax, Venezuelan Purple Peppers, and Monzanos she was taking notes. Then she asked, "Do you ever eat the peppers raw?" "Of course, that's my favorite way to eat them!" I exclaimed. She was staring at some pale yellow peppers about 3/4 inch long. "Not peppers in general," she said, "I mean those." I picked one and said, "Not yet. I use that one to spice up some sauces. There's always a first." I popped the entire pepper in my mouth, chomped down and almost immediately broke into a sweat. I calmly told her that the yellow Thai was incredibly hot and was probably best used only for seasoning foods. "It can't be that hot, you aren't even gasping," She said adding, "I must try it." "Lady, can't you see him sweating? If he tells you something is hot, it really must be hot," one of my friends yelled out to her! "I said, "If you must try it, please try to limit your bite to the bottom 1/16 of an inch of the pepper. That will be the extent of the 'coolest' part of that pepper. Could someone bring out some cucumbers and bread quickly!"

A high-pitched wheeze came from her. She was spitting out pieces of the little monster as we left the garden. I took her hand and got her to the tray with the cucumbers and bread. I told her to get a slice of cucumber into her mouth and chew it well; she swallowed that and took a slice of bread. I walked her into the kitchen and got her a glass of milk. She drank it down, mumbled something about what a bunch of nuts we must be, and left the Burnout. An article eventually was published about the Burnout, but I had to write it myself, and my description of the editor's plight was somehow omitted.

I hope to publish some of the recipes from the Burnouts. It may take some time, as the originals ones were stored on Apple formatted 5� floppies, and were not moved out to AZ. I think a printout of some of them exists, but I haven't found them yet. I'm sure some of you are glad the Chocolate covered recipe is among the missing, but I memorized it (more from fear it would rear itself in a future event).

The Burnout has taught me about a wide variety of cooking styles and that to date; there is no chile too hot for me to eat. I enjoy hot and spicy food of every kind, but I don't like seafood or chicken as much as I do vegetarian dishes, or those with beef, pork, turkey, venison, veal, ostrich, emu, or rhea. Perhaps, the most important thing I have learned is that Chocolate covered Thai peppers will never make it big as a dessert item in any venue, not even a Burnout!