Uncle Robert took A-ma, Aunt Annie and her husband, and I out to eat at a famous restaurant in a nearby town. Aunt Kim told me that Uncle Robert's wife has a relative that works in a travel agency... I need to ask her about getting an air ticket. I think when I get to HK, I'll buy more travel books.

... I am happiest alone. Alone, I can imagine I'm any sort of person, that my life is just the way I wish it to be. It's when I'm with others that reality rudely barges in, thrusting itself on my senses, rattling my illusionary calm and contentment. I am happiest alone... ... most of the time

Today I spent 117NT

Tonight everyone is worshipping for some reason... the fifteen day of the tenth month in the lunar calendar is special I guess, but didn't get a clear answer why... I suppose that's the nature of religion...

In the middle of the night I went downstairs to go to the bathroom when I heard what sounded like footsteps or light switches being clicked on, so I looked downstairs. Not seeing anyone, I figured someone must be in the courtyard, so I hurried to the bathroom so as not to be seen and from the corner of my eye thought I saw a figure outside. I then finished up and came out and when no one appeared I started thinking of ghosts and ran upstairs, my hear beating.

I fixed the lamp and figured on sleeping w/ the light on, when I began asking myself why I felt afraid so often of "ghosts" and other imaginary dangers when James doesn't feel any fear at all.. and then it hit me. The fear I feel is a manifestation of my fear of no one being there for me. Of course James doesn't feel fear- there's always someone 2 steps away from him to whom he can call out to and will come to his rescue... but what about me? Even if someone is sleeping right next to me, it's not certain that they will protect me. So that is why I feel so afraid all the time.

So now that I've realized this, I feel my coming to Taiwan was worthwhile. No matter what happens now, I now know there is no reason to wish for someone to be there for me when I am afraid or helpless because no matter what I will be able to help myself. Even if I am handicapped, I'm sure I can help myself, get a job, etc. The only problems is finding someone to talk to. Someone who will visit me when I'm in the hospital. Who will dab my lips w/ water when I'm thirsty. That is what family's for. I can't count on my family to do this (of course, not everyone in this world can either, so I can't blame my family)...

...so now that I know, will I feel fear again? Will I wish for someone to be there to tell me a story when I am crying in my death bed drugged up on morphine?

Aunt Australia's husband came home today. He also bought candy as gifts. For Aunt Annie, he bought a scarf.

At dinner at a Japanese restaurant. For 8 people, we had a set dinner for $4000NT (about $115US), and we had plenty left over. I think the same meal would have cost 2-3 times as much. It was sooo~ good.

It's raining so I feel blah... luckily, I had gotten up ~12, ran in the sprinkling rain, came home, showed then took my clothes to the dry cleaners. I then walked around to get a milk tea and went searching for the strawberry pastry that I had bought a few days earlier that A-ma had eaten, but alas... not one of the three places I went to had any, so I settled for a moist honey bran-like muffin. Too bad American doesn't have this kind! Everyone hates bran muffins, but if they made them like this, it would sell like crazy... which btw, I was thinking maybe I could geta job in a bakery, but I'm afraid they might require me to be legal. Hmmm... so why not a hold-in-the-wall restaurant? I'll start looking after I come back from HK. This 3rd week has gone by so quickly.

Tonight A-ma, her neighbor friend, and I went to a wedding reception. I have no idea who the bride or the groom is. The food was awful. >:P bleh.

[early Saturday morning...]
...............eeeeeeeeeeee..... woke up at 4am. I think I'm sick. Maybe I won't run in the rain anymore.... eeerrr....

....... errr or else I have food poisoning from the wedding reception food? I'm feeling rather queasy.

6am... it's still raining and I'm wide awake. Must have stored up too much sleep. So I'm practicing speaking Chinese in my head...