Okay, I would like to point something out . . . a lot of these "men are" quotes are ridiculously insulting generalizations about a segment of society that is amazingly diverse, having in common only a) the Y chromosome and b) exposure to a lot of really nasty socialization about what it means to be "a man." What on earth are they doing here, you ask? Good question.

When I created the first draft of the Quote Page, back in 1996 or 1997, I thought these were freakin' hilarious, and for the most part true. If some of the older quotes come across as bitter, mean, anti-male, horribly sexist, etc . . . well, yeah, that was me.

Here's the part you need to pay attention to: in 1996, I thought all men were pretty much the same, and most of them were a complete waste of oxygen. Contrary to the stereotypes that go with that attitude, I would've squirmed uncomfortably and found another way to phrase it if you called me a "feminist."

Ten years, one B.A. in women's studies, and one incredibly long stint as president of the Morgantown chapter of N.O.W. later, yes I am a feminist. I don't hate men. I don't even particularly dislike or pity men. I no longer think ANY gender is comprised of 100% dumbasses. I do not think there is any statement you can make that begins with "All men are . . . " or "All women are . . ." that doesn't end with total bullshit.

Feminism, noun: Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.
Feminism: (2) The radical notion that women are people.
Femism: (3)The coolest F-word ever!

Okay, the lecture is over. Think about it. I now return you to your regularly scheduled, moderately sexist, incredibly essentialist entertainment. ;-)

Men are like vacations...
they never seem to be long enough.

Men are like computers...
hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers...
load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like chocolate bars...
sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like coffee...
the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like horoscopes...
they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like plungers...
they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like cement...
after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

  • "The reason more wives than husbands leave home is that few men know how to pack their own suitcases."--Fannie Hurst

  • "Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands...but English women only hope to find in their butlers."
    -- W. Somerset Maugham

  • "We men may be real jerks, but hey! at least we're focused."--Steve Jacobson the Bagel Guy, when someone said all guys think about is sex.

  • "Damned clever, I thought, how men had made life so intolerable for single women that most would gladly embrace even a bad marriage instead."--Erica Jong, 'Fear Of Flying.' Published in 1973 . . . things have changed a little bit since then, haven't they?

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