Achieve Speaking Confidence

Halifax and Huddersfield Speakers Club

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How To Deliver That Perfect Wedding Speech - Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!

The best way to ensure that your wedding is a success is lots of good preparation.

This means you have to prepare for any speaches or toasts well in advance. Many people consider this to be a waste of time and come up with a list of reasons why not to do it.

Here's just a few...

"I'll just stand up and say a few words on the day...it'll be ok!"
"It can't be all that complicated to give a quick speech..."
"I don't have the confidence, I'm all nerves! I can't do it."
"I'm not a good speaker, I wouldn't know what to say."
"Let's just see what happens, I have far too many other things to think about right now!"

The bad news is - excuses like those can ruin your day - guaranteed!

Speeches at weddings are very often overlooked, not thought out or planned, and very often poorly exercised. To not plan what you will say to your friends and loved ones is perhaps the worse thing you could ever do. Why?

Well, it can literally make or break the brides memories of the day - one slip of the tongue or mis-interpreted comment can linger in her memory for far longer than all the rest of the days events put together. Especially if the poor comment came from a close family relative.

Did you ever think of that?

And all the other planning and preparation that went into the day could be ruined if the bride or groom are left to live with the memory of a poor remark - even if it was accidental!

So it is crucial that you get it right, and you get it right now!

One of the best ways to achieve this is by establishing an order of speaking. Just as a wedding coordinator would establish what happens and when, you will do the same with speeches or toasts. If you do decide to use a wedding coordinator and they're willing to organise your speeches for you - check with them to see if they have any experience. So remember - to achieve the best result, make sure that you check everything well in advance.

Allocate a 'Master of Ceremonies'. This person will be the one who introduces each speaker in turn and will be responsible for establishing the order of running and order over the audience - to keep them quiet at the right times etc.

Anyone can make a speech, but the most important people to include are:

The Bride
The Groom
The Best Man
The Brides parents
The Grooms parents
Any of the Brides family members
Any of the Grooms family members

There is no forced order of who will do what and when.

If you have no coordinator or they have no experience, you could always ask for help at your local speakers club. There are many of them all over the country and each one will be able to help organise your big day.

Make sure each speaker is 100 percent clear on...

What they will say
When they will say it
Who is before and/or after them
If they are to give a toast at the end, or simply say thank you / good luck / best wishes
What other speakers will be saying - you don't want too much duplication between speeches as it lessens the impact the more something is said

Leading Up To The Wedding...

Here are a few useful tips for you...

Do Practice, Practice, Practice...

Practice anywhere you can! Anytime you can. Live and breath your speech 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Drill it onto your brain until it sticks forever.

Practice using a Dictaphone for timing purposes and to spot stray 'ums' and 'ers'

Practice in the bath for different acoustics and to amuse yourself and other family members!

Practice in the car. Practice when you're stopped at the lights to amuse other drivers!

Practice with full notes, partial notes and ad-lib - the art of saying as much as you can without any notes whatsoever.

Do...

Let every speaker check out the room where you are going to speak - this is so you all know how loud you will have to be in order to project your voice to every listener. In fact, speak to the invisible row behind the last row - this always does the trick! The other thing to watch out for is potential obstructions - any pillars, screens or odd corners can leave your audience straining to look at you. If there's really nothing you can do then make a quick joke especially for those people who can't see you properly - it will be appreciated.

Be personal. Mention names, dates, locations and feelings of any shared experiences with the bride or groom. This has the potential to be very powerful and emotional if you leave the humour to one side for a minute. Keep it meaningful and to the point. Pause for effect after any praising or shared experience. This will give far more impact to your words and hopefully warm your audience right in their heart.

Imagine your audience naked! - this will put a smile on your face and allow you to have more fun. Tell them this secret for a few laughs.

Make the best use of the internet to plan everything in detail. Make sure you visit www.weddings-and-brides.co.uk for loads of useful wedding information.

Tell them embarrassing things about yourself or a close friend - your audience will always find this funny.

Practice your speech as many times as possible. Did I mention that you should practice already? YES!

Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse!

Rehearse the order of events with others. If possible and appropriate, try to bring everyone together who will be speaking. Tell them what will be happening and when - avoid the temptation to ask them as this often leads to confusion - be firm!

Rehearse each person standing up, giving their speech (it can be one line in rehearsals), sitting back down and going to the next. You will wonder how you would ever cope without doing this step!

Rehearse at your local speakers club. Find a club near you and rehearse all of your speeches. They will be more than willing to help you and can give valuable tips on how to improve. They will also be the ones who give you your first round of applause - this is the most encouraging thing in the world when you're a bundle of nerves.

On The Day Of The Wedding

Use these tips, and you'll find that there's less to worry about. You'll always manage to worry about something, but the more organised you are, the less worry you should have (in theory!).

Don't...

Drink alcohol. You will look like death if you have a hangover and the performance of your speech will deteriorate. Let your body recover for at least 48 hours beforehand. The other reason is due to the fact that it can contract your throat and also hinder your concentration. If you must have one for nerves or confidence - make sure it is only one. You don't want to make a fool out of yourself.

Eat a big meal before your speech. The reason for this is because when your body is processing food, lots of blood moves to your stomach. Leaving little behind to run the old brain. This may seem amusing, yet it is a proven fact. Your ability to concentrate depends on how well your brain is working. This is the same reason as why you shouldn't drink. Have a light breakfast, perhaps cereal or fruit. After that, only eat fruit if you become peckish. This will give you more energy and improve the sharpness of your thoughts.

Ramble on for too long - keep it within the 5 to 10 minute mark. Try not to make it last until you begin to hear lots of heads banging on the table due to boredom or sleep! Keep it short and punchy - everyone will appreciate it. Especially if there's food waiting.

Try to be funny. Don't try to be a comedian reciting one-liners, instead give lots of amusing anecdotes to liven people up. Be ready for laughter, but don't force it if you aren't comfortable.

Do...

Script in the pauses of your speech. A speech delivered with correct pauses is twice as likely to be remembered than one that has none. The added benefit is that you will also appear ten times more professional with good pauses for effect. It makes a seriously big difference! The best speakers in the world use pauses for maximum effect and impact.

Smile, have fun, be confident. Here's some good advice if you aren't feeling confident - fake it until you make it! Pretend you are confident and your audience will believe it and no-one will notice you're pretending except you. You may be surprised how easily this works. Try it... it works!

Remember that you're not taking an exam - you're talking to your friends and family. They should be the best audience you'll have in your life! Every person is on your side

Breath deeply! Out of all the tips that are on this page, this has to be the most important, simply due to the many number of advantages it brings.

It helps to:

Calm your entire body and nervous system - breath deeply outside if it's convenient for better quality air
Allow more oxygen into your lungs to help with projection of your voice and increases the number of words you can say without pausing for breath
Allow more oxygen into your brain to improve concentration and ability

Remember that waiting for your turn is likely to make you more nervous - more so than the actual speech itself. So make sure you calm yourself as best you can with lots of deep breaths.

A Final Word - Using Notes

Should you use notes? If so, what kind do you use? How much?

This is a very tricky subject and unfortunately there's no correct answer. It depends entirely on how well you know your speech and how well you can use notes.

The main thing to avoid is writing EVERYTHING out in full. This is a big mistake as it's obvious to the audience and you can easily get lost with too much writing.

If you do decide to use notes then...

KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid! Keep notes to a useable minimum.
Don't include too many phrases - a note like LAMP-POST is a far better note to leading you onto the subject of the stag do than a note saying "everyone grabbed the groom and ..."
Print them on card in big, eligible fonts (Times Roman is easy to read) using a computer.
Number each note (like bullet points) and follow the numbers with your finger as you read if you need to..
Number each page - i.e. page 1/7, 2/7, 3/7 and so on. If your notes are dropped it should only take a couple of seconds to put them back in order.
Be ready for interruptions at any point! You will definitely impress your audience when you are confident to mention a - baby crying, sudden door slam, rude noises from chairs etc. Make sure you remember where you're up to in your speech, make a pleasant joke out of the interruption and carry on after the laughter. This is very impressive and very professional.

If you decide to go without notes then...

I hope you know what I'm about to say. The answer to delivering a good speech without use of notes is ... practice! Perhaps you could buy yourself a Dictaphone to help analyse and time your speech.

You can also practice at your local speakers club. Here you will receive plenty of feedback and human interactions - far more than any electronic Dictaphone! It also helps give you that 'outsiders' point of view. Practicing in front of family or friends is alright for a while, as long as you remember that they're not trained speakers and don't know what to look for and how to suggest improvements. The practice will definitely pay off when you've practiced in a professional environment.

The Association of Speakers Clubs (ASC) have clubs all across the UK and offer a high level of training and support. It's a one-stop place to help anyone of any age or sex give better speeches for all occasions. They offer you bags of encouragement and applause. Most of our members began with no previous knowledge whatsoever and they know what it feels like to be give that first nervous speech! Once the initial fear of going to a club has been overcome, the friendly atmosphere will guarantee a good performance on the big day of your wedding.