Trey Parker and Matt Stone (yes, the boys behind "South Park" and the stars of BASEKETBALL) have teamed up with the cracked out perverts of Troma Pictures to bring us CANNIBAL: THE MUSICAL!, a funny movie based on the story of Alfred Packer that beats all the shit that's ever skidded across a Broadway stage! For those who don't know about Alfred Packer, he was the U.S.'s very first convicted cannibal, paving the way for such icons as Ed Gein, Jeffrey Dahmer, and me! We open our musical journey in 1883 Colorado (the state from which many Parker & Stone works originate), where Mr. Packer sits in his jail cell, awaiting execution time. A reporter babe named Polly wants to interview Al, hoping to get the real story on what happened on the failed expedition that brought about the controversy. Al gradually agrees. It starts 10 years prior (no, not Richard Pryor), in 1873, with Al riding his cherished horse and singing. Afterwards, he's volunteered to play our guide to a group miners headed for Colorado. On the trip, many humorous misfortunes occur, including the desertion by Al's horse, one of the miners getting snagged up in a bear trap, and the whole group getting washed down river, forcing them to sleep naked together to keep warm... Yeah, I bet that was all an accident. Why do you think Al's last name is "Packer"? Well, They then get hijacked (Hi Jack!) by some "Indians", who look like they're on the wrong continent. The "Indians" befriend our group though, and while hanging out at Indian camp, they wax intellectual with a group of fur trappers over the musical scales. When they finally get back on track, they need to cross the Rockies, where their troubles continue, as they must get past a giant! Worst of all, the giant's got this mutilated eye that spooges out goo every so often! Uggh! Soon, out of provisions, the guy's must resort to eating their shoes. When they realize that leather isn't their favorite food group, they shoot and eat the obnoxiously optimistic Mormon! Wow, eating your fellow man is supposed to be sin, but eating a religious believer, these guys are probably on route to "forced to watch reruns of 'Teletubbies' for eternity" Hell! Packer then leaves the rest of the group alone for a while, as he goes out scouting for any nearby signs of civilization. When he returns though, the priest's developed a sweet-tooth for flesh, and has eaten everyone else in the group! Al takes the guy down though, planting a butcher knife in the guy's face and shooting him... then stabbing him in the eye with a stick... and impaling him on a pick-axe... okay, he's dead for good now. With no other real choice, Al is forced to stay at the little campsite for weeks, feeding of his former amigos till some more "Indians" find him, patch up his wounds, and drop him off at the nearest town. Here he finds that his beloved horse is actually a whore-se as it's revealed that it ran away with the trappers! Al then hides in the wonderland that is Wyoming (you try saying that with a straight face!) for eight or nine years, Packer's evil deeds are finally uncovered! This brings us up-to-date. Now, just as he's about to be hung for his crimes, Polly gets him a government pardon and saves his life! Also, the evil fur trapper gets decapitated for good measure. This was a hilarious outing, though I'm not surprised, since I love most of Parker and Stone's work anyway. Especially notable is the Snowman Song! Which reminds me, I think I'll name my future son Beowulf...

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: RAVENOUS or BASEKETBALL