Winner of the '95 Fangoria Chainsaw Award for "Best Limited Release Movie", this is a little gore whore's delight from my heroes over at Full Moon. Featuring a veritable reunion of the cool people from RE-ANIMATOR, CASTLE FREAK features Stuart Gordon as director, Jeffrey Combs as the tormented John, and the always lickable, errr, likable Barbara Crampton as Susan, John's wife. Oh, and Mr. Super Composer, Richard Band also reappears for the music! Our story opens with a freakish form, as he/she/it is whipped mercilessly by some old woman. The bitchy hag then feeds it, before having herself a heart attack. Now, with her dead, John Reilly (Combs), is the closest living relative, inheriting the castle for his own. Along with his frigid popsicle of a wife Susan (Crampton) and their "visually impaired" daughter Becky, Mr. Reilly moves to Italy to live in the castle... or sell it... or something. We learn that John is a recovering alcoholic and that is last binge resulted in an auto accident. The accident took Becky's site and wiped out John and Susan's young son too. That explains why Susan's such a bitch. Jeezus, kill a woman's only son and she won't let ya stick it to her like a cheap whore anymore! It's not like she can't just pop out another one. Or could, if she'd let poor John even lay a hand on her, let alone a dick IN her. Anyway, local legend says that the Reily's new home is haunted by the ghost of John's dead brother, Giorgio. Little do they know, he's not quite a ghost yet. In fact, he bites off his thumb so he can escape his shackles! Yep, Giorgio is the title character, introduces in the beginning, and now he's running around the cataCOMBS under a soiled sheet! Hmmmm, under a sheet? Maybe he too thinks he's a ghost. As for poor John, he tries to commit suicide because he's the reason for his family's misery and his wife won't play with lil' John anymore. But, he fails at suicide too, so he instead goes out, gets tanked at the local pub, and does what any man whose wife won't go down on him does: pick up a whore! After the whore does her job, John passes out and it's Giorgio's turn to get laid! Well, can you blame the guy? He's been locked up for years, and the only thing even close to sex he's gotten is getting whipped by an old Italian woman. But, once the whore realizes poor Giorgio's got one nasty set of mangled genitals, she freaks out and clocks him over the head with a wine bottle. Giorgio doesn't take well to rejection though, and he bites her tit and rips out her throat. She can't handle Giorgio's extreme S + M, so she dies. He also kills the housekeeper at some point. Sure enough, when the cops find the women dead, they take in John as a suspect. If that weren't enough for the poor guy, Susan and Becky are gonna leave him too! Boy, what a bad time to give up binge drinking :( During the police investigation, John sneaks out of custody and back to the castle, to confront Castle Freak (who John has deduced is Giorgio, courtesy of an empty crypt). They have a big sibling tussle, ending when the two go careening off the castle roof, killing both. Once again Jeffrey Combs proving that his characters NEVER live! Well, except for FELONY, but let us never mention that again...

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: FROM BEYOND or MERIDIAN