Holy shit! You mean Roger Corman CAN entertain me WITHOUT being the victim of untold horrors and grisly torture?! This ALMOST redeems him for VAMPIRELLA *shudder*... uggh. Well, not without the help of a wet-nosed Sly Stallone and David "Mr. Kung-Fu" Carradine! Hell, you know it's gonna be cool when you open the movie and you're staring down the barrel of a... trombone?! It's the year 2000 (yep, it sure is) and time for the 20th Annual Transcontinental Roadrace! This year's competitors include Calamity Jane the cowgirl, Nero the pretty boy "emperor", Matilda the Nazi girl (I need my own lovable Nazi navigator, "Herman the German" to brighten up my hearse!), Machine Gun Joe the gangster (Stallone), and crowd favorite (and arch-nemesis to Joe) Frankenstein the spare parts speedster (Carradine!)! The race starts in NYC and ends in LA. Along the way, competitors score points by knocking off pedestrians along the way (helps thin out the population explosion a little... and it's fun too!)! For all you video game enthusiasts out there, think of it as Carmageddon: the Movie! Women are 10 pts, teens are 40 pts, kids under 12 are 70pts, and over 75 are 100 pts! Oh yeah, and racing officials are worth another 50 heh heh. As a bonus, the first victim's next of kin wins a 50in. TV and a big apartment in Acapulco! This is better than that "Running Man" game show from the movie of the same name! This year though, a group of radical protestors (the government blames on the French haha) try sabotaging the race because it's so "immoral" and "barbaric"... damn bible beating tree huggers. Nero's Rome burns to the ground (come on, that was funny... oh have a little culture, ya barbarians) when he hits a booby-trapped doll (thinking it was a baby) and Matilda falls for their Wile E. Coyote-esque traps as she gets suckered into driving off a cliff. Frank realizes that his navigator Annie is one of the rebels, but let's her stay on (he's not too keen with the races either... hypocrite) and Jane gets taken out by some "Road Rash" refugees and a land mine. We learn that Frank is a government racer, born and bred for the races, and just one in a long line of Frankensteins. Frank avoids carpet bombing by "the French" and Annie blows Joe... up I mean, using Frank's "hand" grenade heh heh. To end it, Frank runs over Mr. President (leader of the US), becomes new leader of the free world, restores democracy, marries Annie, and abolishes the race before turning an annoying reporter into street pie! One of my favorite scenes involved Frank getting all "Kung-Fu" on Joe's ass in a garage, all to a funky 70's beat! Like I said, if you like "Carmageddon", then you'll love this movie! The best part? I hear there's a remake being scheduled to be called Deathrace 3000! Wahoo! I just hope it doesn't have the scene with Carradine dancing in nothing but leather skivvies, one glove, and a leather mask... that would be scary.

Sequels:: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: playing "Carmageddon" or "Twisted Metal" for whatever system you can get 'em for.