Charles Band strikes back, making a sequel to one of the cheapest demon flicks of all time, directed once again by his father Albert. That afformentioned cheap flick of course being GHOULIES. Oddly enough, as with GHOULIES, there's some kind of a low grade charm about GHOULIES II that makes it fun to watch. Maybe I just feel sorry for Charles Band and Empire Pictures, or maybe I'm just a sucker for bad cinema, but either way I'm amused! Besides, if it's got Phil Fondacaro in it, you can't go wrong! We begin our journey into low budget territory, as we are introduced to a group of carnies, driving their big carnie trucks around with their little carnie hands, and complaining about corporate take overs, magic moons and purple horseshoes... they're after me Lucky Charms! Better call out the dogs! Never miss an opening for a good Lucky Charms joke. The opportunities are few but hilarious! Meanwhile, at a service station, an old guy in a moustache attempts to throw a batch of "devil spawn" (we know them as GHOULIES) into a barrel of acid. His master plan is foiled though, as a flying GHOULIE divebombs the man, sending him into the drink too. He pretty much melts, but the quartet of imps crawl free. At that same time, the carnies pull up to the station in search of automotive help. As they scour the place for a mechanic, the low budget GREMLINS knock-offs sneak into the back of the carnie truck, joined by their winged amigo. This is one of the better done scenes with the fiends, as Band actually springs for some stop motion animation for the GHOULIES. After this though, much of the monster FX are puppet based.

Our main carnie hero is Larry, a teenager with hopes of breaking out of the circus life. Larry works on the "Satan's Den" haunted house attraction, run by his feeble alcoholic uncle Ned. Also working in the sad little horror house, is little Sir Nigel, the Shakespearean spouting midget played by none other than the King of the Little People: Phil Fondacaro! But, the Den hasn't been raking in the cash it should be, causing Hardin Family Carnival owner Phillip Hardin to audit the place. Basically, if the Den can't draw as much cash as expected of it, Phil's closing it down. Where does this leave our carnie friends? Well, Larry and Ned will be out in the streets and Nige will be playing ring girl for women's mud wrestling! Down with Satan's Den! Uhm, anyway, with the classic Shirley Temple theme of "we gotta get the money to save the orphanage from the evil banker" established, let's roll out the flesh hungry menaces! The GHOULIES leave the comfort of the truck to carry out a clandestine feasting, picking off the occasional carnie or carnival patron while uncle Ned (also known as "the Great Fucking Fausto") goes on a 24-7 drinking binge, gettin wicked pisser and making a total ass of himself, like old guys do best. It's not long before the toothy little bastards have made themselves part of Satan's Den, unbeknownst to the owners, who think all their new customers are here for the crappy little spook show they put on. Yep, the GHOULIES are an off Broadway hit with the drooling retard and hillbilly crowds!

Far more concerned with the evil aspects of this GHOULIE act instead of what's important (the money), Uncle Neddy Von Fausto uses blood from a GHOULIE inflicted wound to attempt sending the ankle biters back to the "you must be atleast this tall to ride" Hell from whence they came. Sadly, the imps slaughter Ned before he can complete the spell. Now who will stop the 13" menace?... Uhm, haha, I just realized how funny that sounds as an innuendo. Anyway, on the plus side, Ned's demise scores his nephew Larry some major pity points from his would-be girlfriend/ belly dancer Nichole. Afterwards, Larry and Nigel are both attacked by the mini-mutants, prompting them to rally up their fellow carnies and sideshow freaks, pardon me, "gifted actors", to help exterminate the Den's infestation. But, their mob mentality is halted when Hardin, delighted to finally have found a money making act, takes over Satan's Den and has armed guards keep our heroes out and the victims/customers in. The all too small demons grow tired of their current locale and head out to explore the rest of the carnival, chomping on some more carnival patrons, whipping the masses into a frightened riot, and taking the films to heights of silliness that even I grow tired of. Uncovering "Fausto"s spellbook, Lar and Nige attempt to finsh the spell that uncle Ned was doing when he got GHOULIE-fied. The incantation summons a giant GHOULIE (well, 6ft IS giant for your average GHOULIE) that proceeds his chomp his little siblings one-by-one! But, mistaking Nige for a fellow demon due to his small stature, the big beast makes a 'B' (as in "B-movie") line for our miniature hero. Only Nige's hobgoblin costume, booby trapped with a molotov cocktail, can stop the creature's feeding frenzy, sending it up in a puff of smoke to GHOULIE Heaven.

With that small unnatural disaster taken care of, Lar and Nichole are free to give up the carnie life and live happily ever after, leaving little Nige to... uhm, he's either taking care of the Den all by his lonesome or he's announcing mud wrestling matches, they never really clarify what he does after this. Then again, I guess they thought we'd be more interested in what happens to our happy couple as opposed to the flicks' real star: the dwarf with the moustache! He was an Ewok damn it! Give him the little respect he deserves! As for the GHOULIES, well, they were all eaten, except for the little froggy dude still hiding in the toilet of Phil Hardin's trailor! Yep, Hardin met his "end" so to speak while attempting to take a dump, instead getting his ass eaten off by the toilet dwelling frog imp! Remember the old proverb kids, "Look before you leak". Like I said earlier, I had more fun watching this movie than I should have. I don't know if it was the tequila in my bowl of Cookie Crisps (they may taste like ripe ass, but they get you stoned like nothing else!) or what, but I just sat back and had a good time, watching little Phil Fondacaro jump around, watching people get killed by bad hand puppets, watching a frog monster bite a bag guy on the ass. It's all there man! Whatever the reason (I sure as Hell know t wasn't because this film was a "quality piece of artistic horror"), watch GHOULIES II if you plan on getting shitfaced. If you're too pathetic to get laid and too crippled to masturbate, it's the next best thing! Well, to actually making something of your pathetic life anyway... Letterman's on, gotta go!

Sequels: GHOULIES III: GHOULIES GO TO COLLEGE; GHOULIES IV

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: SIDESHOW or FUNHOUSE