That's right, the Big G returns... or does he? Sorry kiddies, but if you were expecting to see a grown man in a rubber dinosaur costume, you're in for a BIG surprise. No, this is NOT the Godzilla that Toho taught us to know and love, this is someone else. "Lovingly" referred to by hardcore Godzillians as FAKEZILLA, our flick opens with the devastation of a tuna fish cargo ship in the Pacific Ocean. The cause? Well, looks like a big lizard, but it's a little too dark to tell... Now, we hopscotch over to Russia, where Ferris Bueller... er, Radiology Doctor Nick Tautopolus, is wisked away from his work by a US army official... damn those recruiters are persistent! Anyway, they take Dr. Nick ("Hi Dr. Nick!") to Panama to check out some big radioactive lizard footprints. As Dr. Nick ("Hi Dr. Nick!") and his new Army friends examine the ship wreckage in Panama, some fishing boats along the East Coast of the US get dragged under by an unseen assailant! While everyone is screaming dinosaur, Dr. Nick (ah... you know the drill) instead thinks it's the work of a mutant species of lizard, born of nuclear radiation... he must've watched Godzilla movies as a kid. Sure enough, a giant iguana-like creature is soon crashing his way through the NYC harbor, before trouncing around Manhattan, then disappearing... yes, disappearing! As the Army shows up and tries to lure the big guy out, some French secret agents monitor scene and bitch about American coffee. Dr. Nick (nevermind) has the bright idea of luring him out with a mountain of fish, and the military makes their first move against him (the monster, not Dr. Nick). This results in the destruction of large parts of Manhattan, including the Chrysler Building (just one of three summer action flicks to do so in '98)! But, despite their efforts, the reptile escapes once more. Dr. Nick (forget it) does a little testing, and the results are positive... the monster's pregnant!? Yep, he's not a he! But then, he's not a she either... he's actually asexual (it's a long and drawn out story which StompTokyo.com explains much better in their review)! Anyway, he's in NYC to lay his eggs (you know, like when pregnant Mexicans cross the border so their kids will be American citizens and they can collect welfare from MY hard earned paychecks)! When Dr. Nick (no, damn it! leave me alone!) gets booted off the army's Godzilla (yep, they finally named him thanks to an amusing scene poking fun at the whole "Gojira-to-Godzilla" translation screw up) project thanx to his would-be-reporter girlfriend, he gets drafted by the French... how low can you go when only the French will love you? Now, with the French special forces as his back-up, Dr. Nick (...) goes in search of the Godzilla nest to exterminate the eggs and erase any connection with the big G and the French. Ya see, it was French nuclear testing which created this Godzilla, so he's actually not the "American Godzilla", but the French one! Anyway, as the cheese eatin' surrender monkeys look for the nest, the US military blasts G in the East River with sub torpedoes (though not before he proves he's smarter than US ballistics technology heh heh), supposedly killing him. Elsewhere, the Frenchies find the nest at Madison Square Garden, and after a long scene "inspired" by JURASSIC PARK, most of the French extras are killed, and Godzilla's Velociraptor-esque offspring are blown to bits, with our heroes just narrowly escaping! They, of course, escape right into the path of big daddy G, who is still alive (surprised? don't be) and now very pissed at the genocide of his species! After a JURASSIC PARK "inspired" chase scene, Godzilla is trapped in the suspension cables of the Brooklyn Bridge, where he is then blasted by sidewinder missiles and dies during a brief moment of "understanding" with Dr. Nick (I said NO!) in a touching scene. Then, while everyone is celebrating, the leader (and sole survivor) of the French "insurance agency" strolls off into the shadows. Meanwhile, back at the smoldering remains of MSG, one last Godzilla egg hatches, revealing a survivor of the Baby Godzilla Holocaust! I liked this flick because it had AMAZING special FX and an impressive looking monster (which the creators of the original Godzilla said looked more like their vision than anything they could come up with) though I know it's not the original, so stop your bitching! But, the movie did suffer from a lack of story (not that Toho's eve had anything impressive in the way of story), as well as gratuitous product placement, and something the original G was never subjected to: a Puff Daddy theme song!!!! *BARF*! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Sequels: Not yet, though there is talk...

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: KING KONG LIVES! or GODZILLA 1985