Highlander: the Final Dimension
(1994)
HIGHLANDER 2 (either version) showed us that Russel Mulcahy seems to go into bizarre fits where his writings become explicitly overfetched and taste heavily of Cracker Barrel Sharp Cheddar. What does the third HIGHLANDER flick have to show us? Before me stands irrefutable proof that the HIGHLANDER series doesn't have any solid continuity, the rules on immortals are still more than a little fuzzy, and the word "Final" in a title doesn't actually mean anything, it's simply there because it sounds flashy and exciting. This time, Mulcahy, director of the first two HIGHLANDER flicks (well, three depending on how you look at the RENEGADE VERSION), steps down from this installment... or was pushed down, I'm not really sure. In his place enters director Andy Morahan, whose only other creditted work I could find is the fumbling psychological fuck up MURDER IN MIND... we're in trouble folks, better buckle up.
HIGHLANDER: THE FINAL DIMESION tip-toes around the events of the second film, opting instead to fill in the gaps BETWEEN the events of the first two films. We open up back in the days following the death of Connor's mentor Ramirez and his wife Heather at the heavy blade of the Kurrgan. After burying his dead, everyone's favorite Scottsman (besides Braveheart, Rob Roy, and Groundskeeper Willy) heads out into the world to seek additional council on the subject of his new found immortality. Making his way to Japan, Con comes under the wing of legendary Japanese sorcerer Nakano. Nakano teaches Con a few things about magic, forges him a new sword (his now classic katanna), and helps him add a couple new moves to his resume, Obi-Wan style. Too bad for the good guys that, also like Obi-Wan, Nak is struck down by the film's villain. In this case, said villain role is helmed by Kane (played by the ever unimpressive Mario Van Peebles): an evil man with a sharp sword and a taste for magic tricks. Nak holds off Kane while the still wet nosed Con escapes, tail between his legs. After making Nak's shoulders about 8 lbs. lighter, Kane absorbs Nak's powers, including his magical ability of illusion. But, in one last "fuck you", the Quickening resulting from Nak's demise causes a cave-in, trapping Kane and his two "travelling companions" in Nak's hermit cave while young Connor goes on to play the game of immortals and flying heads.
400 years later, it's now 1994. In Japan, famed archaeologist (and steaming pile of babe) Alex Johnson and her team of intrepid dirt diggers have uncovered Nak's cave. Upon discovery, Kane and his two buddies are released from their 400 year confinment and are ready to resume the hunt for their fellow immortals. But, due to the events of HIGHLANDER, Con is the only immortal left, so it looks like Kane's got his work cut out for him... pardon the pun, I'll have the maid take care of it later. Sending one of his goons to hunt down and kill Con, Kane immediately decapitates his other minion, since "there can be only one"... and since he didn't want anyone talking about all the hot and dirty gay 3-way action that went on between those guys while they were trapped for the four centuries, hence why he waited till they got out to kill him. Necrophilia is fun, but even an immortal's body rots if you rape it enough.
As for our hero, he's in the Middle East spending "quality time" with his adopted son John, when he gets an eerily familiar sensation, realizing that the family business calls once more. So, leaving John in the hands of one of his faithful friend, Connor packs up and heads to New York City to lob off a few more heads like only an angry Scottish dude can... again. Okay, time to throw in some displaced anger over the complete skewing of continuity here. Back in HIGHLANDER, Connor killed off the Kurrgan, becoming the last immortal which in turn granted him a universal awareness power, making him not unlike a God. However, now Kane and his two immortal amigos surface once more and now "the Prize" is up for grabs again? So, as long as an immortal is incarcerated beyond his control, he's considered eliminated from the hunt? Then, if he should become free, he's returned to active status?! Therefore, even in a game where the winner must behead the most people, even a passive wiener like Ghandi could just seal a gang of immortals in a lead box, dro pthem at the bottom of the Arctic Ocean, and he'd be the recipient of total omnipotence? Shit, and I thought the second movie(s) fucked my head up! While we're at it, what the FUCK is up with the "no fighting on Holy Ground" rule?! I never thought it more possible after ERASERHEAD, but I'm more confused than I have ever been...
Upon his return to NYC, Con is mugged and shot repeatedly by a gang o' patented pre-Gulliani street thugs! He is quickly picked up and taken to a nearby hospital, where he is found sans injury, freaks out when he wakes up amongst the doctors, and gets his ass wrapped up and institunionalized! But, with the help of his new friend "Napoleon", he escapes his VERY minimum security confinement just in time to battle with the other of Kane's goons. Con quickly disposes of the pansy (complete with using the Quickening to pop open a few brewskies) before heading back to his old apartment, or should I say the apartment of his old alias, "Russell Nash". Meanwhile, a cop who worked on the beheadings Con did back in the '80s, had returned to take interest in Mr. Nash's resurfacing, vowing not to let him get away this time. Oh, and Kane teleports to Brooklyn with a desire to decapitate.
Alex (remember her from the beginning?) seeks out Connor, curious as to why a piece of his kilt was found in Nak's cave, dating back to 400 years ago. Enter the source for a pointless love and sex subplot as we learn that Alex is actually one of Con's former loves. While harassing Con about the kilt, Alex is suddenly thrown into the role of witness as Kane shows up and challenges Con. The two fight it out in an overly acrobatic duel, ending in a dangerous trapeez attack where Con's precious sword is shattered by Kane's evil magicks. Then Kane, after stabbing Con in the chest, pulls the old "villain spares the hero in order to play games with him/her, only to later be foiled and inevitably regret it at the film's conclusion" trick, used by all unsuccessful movie bad guys. Kane then turns into a raven, blows up some windows, and flies away, leaving Con to tell Alex to walk away and forget everything she saw. This of course leads her to probe deeper into Mr. "Nash"'s history, drawing her closer and closer to him, leading her to follow him to Japan, where he is attempting to fix his favorite sharp object. We also learn that Con's old flame Brenda died in a car accident in Scottland. In other words, she didn't want to be involved in this sequel... that, and marriage sex is never as hot as "we just met yet we still fuck like hormonally imbalanced drunken teenagers" sex, which comes about soon enough between Con and Alex, using the "weren't we lovers in a past life?" pick-up. The two fall in love, have some graphic sex (amongst lucious scenery which turns it from "cheap thrills" to "love making"), and learn to enjoy life once more. Meanwhile, Kane's been doing some of his own kind of research...
After breaking into Con's apartment, Kane learns of Con's fake son John. Using his powers of illusion and confusion, Kane calls for John to meet him in NYC. Kane, of course, is disguised as Con and grabs John, thereby acquiring his bait. After putting the kid through some psycho-automotive illusionary shit-your-pants-type trauma, Kane contacts Con, scheduling a final battle so we can get this movie over with. Will Connor be able to overcome Kane's illusionary assault and save the day for humanity? Though the fight does wind up being one of Connor's coolest, it still ends the same way all of Con's battles do: with his opponent no longer needing to worry about shopping for hats anymore. While I'm on the topic of the fight, is it just me, or did the fight's music sound like a re-mix of Motley Crue's "Dr. Feelgood"?! Nothing gets me in the mood to kick some ass and slash some throats like "Dr. Feelgood"! Actually, that's not completely false, as it does motivate me to maim whoever it is playing that fucking crap, but that's not a concern for you, that's for the courts to decide... Anyway, Con, John, and Alex live happily ever after, hailing an "end" to the series.
Everything was just like is was in the other HIGHLANDER movies: good amount of visually stimulating action scenes and sword fights, a weak/confusing story, and a bunch of actors and actresses that never really made any big impacts on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The soundtrack was more uninspiring than normal though. Finally, the heart of the HIGHLANDER films are the over-the-top villains. The Kurrgan was the ultimate bad guy: large, angry, intimidating, insane, and containing a REALLY harsh voice courtesy of a hacked up larynx. In HIGHLANDER 2, no matter which version you watched, Katanna was still a total asshole. He had ego, psychosis, power, a kamikaze attitude, and was one ruthless dictator! Well, except for that whole "Tribunal" bullshit... And then there's Kane. Kane looked almost visually intimidating. He had this angry Chinese demon thing going, he had some spooky eyes, and his piercings and tattoos were cool, but Mario Van Peebles jsut can't look scary enough. It's probably that alluring smile of his, though I wouldn't know cuz I'm a perfectly normal heterosexual American male... Also, though ripped and ready to kick ass, Van Peebles lacks the size or demeanor of past HIGHLANDER villains. Oh, and where as the Kurrgan had his "leather and chains" and Katanna had his "long black trenchcoat", all Kane had was his "I'm a dirty hobo with a rag for a cloak" outfit, or his oversized samurai gear, which just looked really wrong. Oh well, can't win 'em all. Now, I leave you so I may go exercise my heterosexuality on my girlfriend and HER girlfriend, so this is goodbye... I'm not gay.
Also Known As: HIGHLANDER 3: THE SORCERER
Sequels: HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME
If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE or BEASTMASTER 2: THROUGH THE PORTAL OF TIME
