Here we have another of those films that every critic except me seems to have a hard-on for. They all talk about how it's this great mix of cannibalism, sexual discovery, and the all out campy oddities of the typical '50s/'60s family. I however, find it to be confusing, boring, unfunny, and a severe pain in my ass that I'm glad to have finally gotten over with, Randy Quaid aside. As I just mentioned, PARENTS stars Randy Quaid (from all those NATIONAL LAMPOON flicks and former "Saturday Night Live" cast member) as the father of the Limely household: your typical American family (of perverts and cannibals) who have just moved to California for dad's new job at "Toxico"... Pulse pounding so far, right? So, every member of the family has their own quirk to try and make them interesting: Dad is an over conservative asshole who's a few links short a sausage chain. Michael, the son, is your usual 10 year old social misfit boy with the Addams Family eyes. And finally, Mom, whose like a horny June Cleaver (though I'd like to leave something to HER beaver! heheh). So, along with the family's new home, Mike must get adjusted to a new school environment, as well as his oddball would-be-girlfriend Sheila, who's a complete pain in the ass and has a fetish for younger guys (she's 12, I think). Occasionally Mike walks in on his PARENTS as they're playin "hide the sausage", their mouths covered in blood. This is one of those flicks where critics have to ask, "is it really blood on their mouths, or is Mike thinking that? What a great movie!". Yeah, well fuck you Rex Reed, because I wanna know what the fuck is happening, not have to pull guesses out of my ass! They're probably just hallucinations, because Mike seems to have odd daydreams a lot, including him swimming in blood, being constricted by python-like sausages, hands coming out of the garbage disposal, being buried alive, bleeding appliances, etc. He also likes to hide in closets, so by my Freudian deduction, I'd say he's a repressed homosexual vegetarian... and daddy's stories about punishment and psychological torture probably aren't improving on this wither. As for Sheila, well, she's still a pain in the ass! We learn that the PARENTS really are cannibals (I think), and they get their ingredients from the corpses daddy's been playing butcher with at work. So, though cannibals and thieves, they are not murderers. However, while on a midnight stroll through the basement one night, Mike finds evidence of what mommy and daddy have really been up to, and brings his school psychiatrist in to prove it to. This pisses off daddy though, and he kills the drugged out bitch with a 1 wood, though a 5 iron would have been my choice. Later, after Mike hits his father with the aforementioned golf club as well, his PARENTS tie him up, give him the whole "we're your family, you're one of us" brainwashing speech, which ends a little differently than they had planned, when Mike stabs his dad in the chest with a knife for trying to make him eat some homo-sapien roast. Then mommy too stabs dad (hey, a boy's best friend is his mother), then the two fall down some stairs, ending with mom getting a new ventilation hole in her chest. But, the multiple stab wounds finally take effect on Mr. Limely, causing him to flail about feverishly, pulling gas pipes out of the wall and starting a fire, which, if you paid attention in chemistry class, causes the whole house to go up in a ball of flame. It ends with Mike having to move in with his grandparents, and our last shot is a dramatic one, as we focus on a ham sandwich before rolling some campy '60s sitcom end credits. Though I despise much of this movie ,(simply because I don't think there were mind games going on, but because the director didn't want to have to earn his money), I have to admit that the odd feel of perversion and evil underneath the mask of the perfect little atomic family did give me a twist in my stomach at times. Still though, the characters get intolerable pretty quick, especially the mousy Mike and the frazzled Sheila. As for Randy Quaid, put some glasses on him and tell me he's gonna molest me, and I'd shit myself! No Randy! Get back! I think Chevy Chase is calling you! Whew, that was a close one.

Sequels: Nope

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: RABID GRANNIES or FLESH EATING MOTHERS