As the opening credits role, some guy in a black trench coat wanders through the desert to a little house on the outskirts, home to a couple and their son. We get a taste of irony as the 'rents tuck the kid in, telling him there's nothing in the dark that can hurt him, moments before the aforementioned bad actor in the coat kills them! But, the fuzz show up and grab the goon before he can kill the brat. I have two questions at this point (which are purely for novelty considering I am omnipotent): 1) Why did they live in the dessert (and how did they get a streetlight out there?). 2) How did they fit in that badly made little model house?... "17 Years Later" the boy (Griffin) has grown up to become a slacker college kid/wanna-be reporter. And "the Sandman"? We're just in time for his execution (17 years?! Damn that's a slow legal system!), which doesn't go as planned thanx to an evil priest and a magic, glass talisman. Now Sandy is a walking pile of kitty liter, and has 3 days to find and kill Griffin, which will make him immortal... sand trench coat and all... Sandy pours into Grif's apartment, but not finding Grif home, he instead kills Grif's boyfriend... I mean, "roommate", by dropping him... from a height of 12ft?! He's made of sand! Can't he at least be a LITTLE creative?! Well, Grif pisses himself like the little girl he is, so he gets some gang bangers he's been interviewing to protect him... shit load of good they do him. We learn that the priest guy likes to mix Wiccan, Santeria (Sublime!), and Satanic magics, and apparently he's been amigos with Sandy for a long time (no, I thought he was just doing this for the Hell of it!). Of course, the only thing that can stop Sandy is water... okay, that part's obvious, but why does sunlight hurt him?! But, Grif winds up committed when he gets arrested and blamed for the recent murders... ain't that always the way? Lucky for Grif his girlfriend Meg breaks him out (wonder if Krissy will do that for me) and they search out the priest. He takes the time to tell them a story in an attempt to stall them till Sandy gets there to finish 'em. Turns out when Sandy was a lad, his drunken dad sewed his lips up and beat him to sleep each night till he finally stabbed the fuck to death with a mirror shard. Then the priest grabbed him, and his baby bro was adopted and grew to be... Grif. About this time Sandy shows up and Grif and his girl run around like scared animals for 10 minutes till Grif (and a molotov cocktail) melts part of Sandy, turning his arm to glass... which he breaks and uses to impale Grif, who lets out possibly THE worst little pansy death scream in movie history. Does this mean Sandy's immortal now? He better hope not, cuz Meg suckers him into an incinerator and blows him up... and the priest grabs the body.... please, NO SEQUELS! Another thing that bugs me, Grif's faggy roommate falls 20 ft at most and dies instantly, yet Meg gets blown of the top of a 40ft furnace stack and doesn't even get a scratch?! Bah I say! Oh, and don't forget to pick this one up to see B-horror mainstay Ken Foree in the role he was born to typecast: an old overweight black detective who puts up with "machines turning into monsters (FROM BEYOND) or cannibals eating each other (LEATHERFACE and DAWN OF THE DEAD)"! I hope Sandy's eternal torment in hell is as a sandbox so all the preschool demons can piss in him!

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET or JACK FROST