by Hank Brockett
In fact, Wednesday night if the “good tide” had been high I would have jumped in and called it quits, then and there.
The criminal mastermind behind this desperation? A familiar foe — the wretched Sheryl Crow.
And somehow the more I disdain the sellout “artist,” the more popular she becomes. Just when I swear to change the radio station any time her songs appear, she appears on Big Brother 3. But Wednesday, I’m ashamed to say I wished for terrible things to befall she who soaks up the sun.
The show — NBC’s Roker-riffic showcase for musicians to sell holiday CDs — did not just steal the timeslot for my favorite TV show, Ed. No, that timeslot is stolen so often it’s a shock when new episodes appear.
But Ms. Crow immediately opened the festivities with a cheese-curdling rendition of John Lennon’s Happy Xmas (War is Over). So, in one single second, she managed to offend both my television and musical tastes (as Lennon was my high school posthumous idol).
Well played, you multimedia scoundrel. May you make the Grinch look stylish in your old age.
To ease my worries, I pop in the ol’ Christmas mix CD. The 2001 edition featured plenty of songs that evoke the hearth without having that “holiday standard” tag, of which I’ll share. May your own soundtrack to the holidays both jingle and rock.
1) Christmas Time is Here (instrumental) by Vince Guaraldi — No other song epitomizes the feeling of looking out a frosted window onto freshly fallen snow quite like this Charlie Brown number.
2) Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime by Wings — The holidays mean saying cheesy things and eating cheese and crackers, so why not sing along to Paul McCartney in all his cheesy glory?
3) Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Coldplay — A rare B-side from the British sensations, but worth the search to hear Chris Martin’s great voice melt like candles around the standard holiday song’s lyrics.
4) Baby, Please Come Home by U2 — Heartfelt holiday reunions set to the tune of Joshua Tree-era U2 are guaranteed a long, lustrous lifetime.
8) Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight) by The Ramones — This has to be listened to right after the U2 song as the realistic version of a holiday get-together. Play this just when the mom starts asking about when she’s going to have grandkids.
5) The Christmas Song from Saturday Night Live — A download special, but no other song on this list burns into your head like this one. A simple guitar line and a Casio keyboard can do that to a song.
6) Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon — In a startling realization, I’ll take Yoko over Sheryl singing this song.
7) Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springstein — The live classic breathes new life into a children’s standard, and proves that a great band can turn just about anything into gold.
9) Give a Little Bit by Supertramp — Somehow, with one sharp Gap ad campaign, this ’70s staple became a perfect December reminder about the spirit of giving. The ads may not make you want to buy jeans, but at least they’re trying.
10) Little Drummer Boy by Low — This song moves along like slow motion, almost a melodic drone. It’s as if you can make out an object in the falling snow, but can’t quite tell what it is exactly. Still, the version does justice for this most somber of holiday songs.
11) Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC — The recent death of one of the group’s members gives plenty of reason to unearth this old-school rap gem. The refreshing feeling from hearing hip hop focusing on decorating trees and singing carols can last all 12 days of Christmas.
12) Little St. Nick by the Beach Boys — One of the only surf songs about snow on record, the vocal melodies could have made it a hit no matter what the lyrical subject. We’re just lucky enough they celebrate Christmas in California.
14) Blue Christmas by The Beach Boys — This ‘’60s number falls in like with Brian Wilson’s other slow, beautiful ballads and could come from any place in the States. Even heartache during the holidays can be wondrous.
15) Christmas Time is Here (w/vocals) by Vince Guaraldi — Our compilation comes full circle just as the head fills with thoughts of year’s end. The CD, at least, ends on the right note every time.