by Hank Brockett
As the name of the key grip rolls by, the audience bustles with whispers and activity. As the house lights slowly rise, most of us head for the exits and that thing so much not like the movies — real life.
While some stay to hear the songs on the soundtrack (making sure not to draw the scornful eye of the impatient usher), others begin that age-old conversation.
“So ... what did you think of the MOVIE?”
However, in what may be indicative of changing times, many in today’s audience are jumping the gun on that question. They, in fact, can’t wait to tell you what they thought. And, invariably, how much they hated it.
On two separate occasions in the past two months, I’ve overheard some smug guy each time proclaim, “This is the WORST movie I’ve ever seen.” Now, either 2002 somehow contained the two worst movies of all time, or there’s something weird going on here.
And, because I liked each of the movies, I’ll argue the latter.
The movies in question were Punch-Drunk Love and Solaris, and I’ll excuse you if you didn’t see them. Actually, not many people did besides me and the smug guys. From a film aficionado’s perspective, both were well-made, unconventional and artistically exciting. From the smug guys’ perspectives, they were not Happy Gilmore or reruns of ER.
But let’s examine these guys. Both were either in their late 20’s or early 30’s, white and of unknown religion. Given the situations, I’m guessing both were on dates, because they obviously were trying to impress.
(We’ll ignore, for a second, the asinine logic of these statements. Would you say, unprovoked, to your date that the event you asked them to take part in was terrible? These are relationships built on shaky ground, at best.)
The greater question, though, is this: Is it cool to say you hate something? And, subsequently, is it uncool to offer gushing praise?
Now, the detached smug guy persona isn’t new, especially in the dating pool. In twisted male logic, the boyfriend holds out on praise in the attempt to have the girlfriend always seeking approval. And, in a circle of friends where the personalities aren’t strong, sometimes the first opinion somehow becomes everyone else’s.
But I contend, although they probably made up their minds after seeing the trailer a few months back, that these guys genuinely thought they were being cool by admitting they were too dumb to figure things out.
In both movies, the story told relies on a simple plot aided by symbolism. So that means you cannot call up your friends on the cell phone, go to the bathroom more than once or make out with your date for extended periods of time. You must CONCENTRATE.
No wonder they hated it.
In previous instances through film history, the critics and appreciative fans would cry out against a lazy audience spreading bad word about a work of art. But does anybody really listen to the film critic community any more?
Most of us check the number of stars, the superlatives on the movie poster (Hank Brockett from WHIK in Texas calls Sweet Home Alabama a “real hum-dinger!”), the actors involved and ... that’s it. All the faint cries of auteurs, points of view, mise en scene and other lofty topics fall on deaf ears.
It doesn’t have to be this way, but the smug guy population is growing. For your assistance, these guys always will own Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo on DVD. Full-screen, of course, because they hate “those stupid black bars.” Avoid these guys at all costs.
Until the smug guys pipe down, there’s no telling when we’ll be free to wax poetic about great films again. For now, we must remain silent in worshipping the stories that speak to us, that somehow in a scene or a conversation or even a look speak for all we know and challenge what we don’t.
Looking back over the past year, there were plenty of entertaining films. Besides the aforementioned two, the DVDs of About a Boy and Catch Me if You Can should be called must-buys. And there are plenty of films in limited release now that should dominate Oscar buzz, including Chicago and Adaptation.
They won’t make a ton of money, and there probably will be a few smug guys at each show. But to deny yourself the thrill of film, that’s like paying for a ticket and leaving during the previews.
Besides, I’ll take care of the smug guys. There’s a Hot Chick I’m sure they’ll get a kick out of.